Throwing Toys

[SandeeAR]

Just curious as to how you guys would have handled this situation.


I had a 2.5 y/o, that took a large toy, one of those turn the buttons and the toy characters pop out, lifted it over her head and threw it to the floor. I was in the kitchen and saw it the first time and watched. She looked over her shoulder squarely at me and did it again....as if to say....Am I going to get in trouble for this?

What would you have done? Btw, in the small room were a 15, 11 and 7 mo old. The 11 month old was crawling just a few feet away.

[VTMom]

I put the toy away for the day, saying "we do not treat our toys like this. We do not throw toys". I had a 4 year old that would do this frequently. There were times that I'd have a pretty huge collection put up. I let him know that I was fine with putting all the toys up, it was up to him. In his case, it was a total control move on his part. When he figured out I wasn't going to bend, he stopped doing it (for the most part). Now when he does it, it usually ends with the first toy withdrawal.

Although it may be different for a younger child, I'd guess that she's testing you to see what happens. Good luck!

[daycare]

I would tell the child throwing toys is NOT ok, it is dangerous and you cant hurt someone. I would show them how to use the toy properly. I would then give them another chance to show me that they can play with it correctly, if they cant then I would give them something they can throw like a sponge ball or such. I would then take the item and put it up for the day. Return it to it's spot the next day.

[marniewon]

Throw a toy, it's gone for the day.

Purposely stepping on a toy, it's gone for the day.

Fighting over a toy, it's gone for the day.

On the very first time ever doing any of the above, they are warned what will happen if they ever do it again. Second time ever, it's gone. It will return the next day.

Yes, I have had ALL my toys put up by the end of the day. It's only happened once, but now that I have two boys (both 2.5years), losing toys is a daily occurrence. These kids are smart enough to know the rules here, and if they break them, they lose toys.

I cannot risk another child being hurt because one child was not following the rules.

[nannyde]

I train them from the time they are standing that no toys are allowed over shoulder hieght. I also don't have "table top" play with the exception of the duplo table. All of the other play is on the floor.

If they are picking up something of any weight they are to get down on the floor with it and play with it. They are not allowed to carry anything heavy more than the time it takes to get to a spot to sit down with it. I don't allow "swinging" of the toys. They pick them up ... keeping them down as far as they can and walk... and then get to the floor spot and play with it from there.

Over time this sends the message that toys are to be played with down. Any action above the shoulders will net in something getting hurled. If I have a persistent hurler then I make sure the toys that child has access to are light like rags, cloth books, cloth dolls, stuffed animals etc. Once they stop throwing those I start adding toys with more weight and see how they do.

[SandeeAR]

Thanks for the replies folks. It appears that all your sugguestions are the same....Take away the toy. I agree that the toy needs to be taken away from "that" child, but what bothers me is I see NO discipline to the child for the behavior. What does just taking the toy away teach them? I can throw all the toys I want and the toys just leave, there are always more toys. Nothing is going to happen to me. No time out? No removal from group? Nothing?

[SilverSabre25]

In my situation, it would have been time out for the child, not the toy...and depending on the child and the exact situation, I might have then required the child to play only with soft things/baby toys/something like that, for a period of time (whatever seemed reasonable...kids don't need long punishments because they forget that they are being punished, or forget why).

I would have removed the child from the situation, sat him down, and explained that we don't throw toys because it can hurt the toy and can hurt other people. I would have pointed out the baby crawling nearby and that it would have hurt him and made him cry if the toy had hit him. Then I would tell the thrower that next time if he wants to throw something he needs to [find a ball/wait until outside time/whatever is appropriate]. Sit him in a time out, then when that's up go over it all again. Letting them know WHY what they did isn't okay and what they CAN do next time is a big key. Once the child is old enough and verbal enough, you can guide them through this conversation--"Why were you in time out? [wait for answer, gently correct if their answer is garbled a bit] Why was that no okay? What's the better choice next time?"

I reserve taking toys away for times when two or more kids are fighting over the toy and can't resolve the situation. And for toys that get stuck in the mouth/up the nose (blech...) by anyone over the age of about 18 months.

[Cat Herder]

I have individual play areas (36 sq. ft.) for each child so by taking the toy thrown (stomped, etc) during "independent play time", it really only affects the thrower...

If a child throws toys in the "group play area", then they would be sent back to their own independent play area with only "light weight" toys until they earn their way back.

I actually had a two year old last week that was down to 2 books and some duplos by the end of the day in his area.

By Friday it occurred to him that it was more fun to play nice, keep the toys and play with his "friends" than be alone in his area with his old friend the playmat. We shall see what Monday brings...::

I know not everyone uses this technique, or even has the ability to, it just works for me, personally, and my parents love it.

As a kid sometimes I just wanted my own area to play, read or stare at a wall quietly without another kid being able to touch me. I was "Tinker Bell" tiny. It was never available unless I managed to lock myself in our bedroom closet...

I brought that into my daycare. They go in when they want to, when I am tending to infants directly or when I am doing meal prep.

[R&R]

I put the toy away for the day, saying "we do not treat our toys like this. We do not throw toys". I had a 4 year old that would do this frequently. There were times that I'd have a pretty huge collection put up. I let him know that I was fine with putting all the toys up, it was up to him. In his case, it was a total control move on his part. When he figured out I wasn't going to bend, he stopped doing it (for the most part). Now when he does it, it usually ends with the first toy withdrawal.

Although it may be different for a younger child, I'd guess that she's testing you to see what happens. Good luck!

Yes, and redirect or the child might have gotten the itty-bitty bit of attention they were seeking and go for something else to throw. Before you know it you're in a battle of wills you'll lose every time.

How about a scarf to move or a kush ball to throw? A positive smile when he channels that movement appropriately works wonders. Does he have energy that needs to be channeled outside? It's tough being the oldest. Babies seem so boring.

[dEHmom]

I didn't read all posts but...

When I first started on here, I noticed Nannyde ALWAYS responds with a post about BEFORE an incident happens. LOL. It's very rare she answers with an answer that is the solution to the actual post.

It used to bug me, but I've realized it, and I don't know if anyone else has.

Nannyde ALWAYS gives us the right way to do things to AVOID the behaviors as opposed to dealing with the behaviors when they happen.

Thumbs up for Nannyde!




As for the throwing though, I would do the same, first offense, explain to them what the consequence is. After that it's time out and toy is gone for the day. The only thing I don't like, is the other kids are punished with this.

[SandeeAR]

I didn't read all posts but...
As for the throwing though, I would do the same, first offense, explain to them what the consequence is. After that it's time out and toy is gone for the day. The only thing I don't like, is the other kids are punished with this.

I would time out too, and did. However, I don't take the toy away from everyone. I simply tell that child, you can't play with that toy the rest of the day. Each time they see another child playing with it and they can't, it feel in reinforces, Hey, I goofed up and better not do it again.

[R&R]

I would time out too, and did. However, I don't take the toy away from everyone. I simply tell that child, you can't play with that toy the rest of the day. Each time they see another child playing with it and they can't, it feel in reinforces, Hey, I goofed up and better not do it again.

Time out is not legal for children under 3 in all states because it isn't DAP. If you give a toddler a time out it provides them with attention that emphasizes the behavior. Redirect or ignore or enter a head to head.

[dEHmom]

the biggest problem I find with the threads relating to disciplining is discipline for child A is not going to always work for child B. Age and developmental factors will play a huge part in the solution. The EXACT details of the situation, location etc will also play a part in it.

We all try to be consistent, but you cannot be 100% consistent at all times. When you are driving a child takes off his shoe and throws it at the child next to him, can you time out? Can you take the shoe away?

[SandeeAR]

Time out is not legal for children under 3 in all states because it isn't DAP. If you give a toddler a time out it provides them with attention that emphasizes the behavior. Redirect or ignore or enter a head to head.

Just curious R & R, previously "unregistered", from I hope thread........How many of your own children have you raised and how old are they?

[thecrazyisout]

Time out is not legal for children under 3 in all states because it isn't DAP. If you give a toddler a time out it provides them with attention that emphasizes the behavior. Redirect or ignore or enter a head to head.

What do you mean not legal??? As in if I were a parent with a toddler I would be fined or arrested if I put my child in time out??? Please clarify and provide the statutes so I can be educated.....