At My Wit's End After Only 4 Days!

[AfterSchoolMom]

Oh, and the floor popcorn thing....LOVE IT!!! ::

[marniewon]

I guess I'm meaner than everyone here. If a child behaved like that every day at my house, for whatever reason, the very first thing he did wrong, he would be in the corner, in another room, by himself, no chance of an audience until his parents came to get him. And then I would be telling mom and dad (in front of him) how bad his behavior was and how he had to be separated from the rest of the group. I would do that every day, every time he misbehaved.

To me, this is just another example of how we (society) are coddling these kids and not demanding good behavior and respect. School age is seriously old enough to be able to respect and behave. He is showing you the highest level of disrespect in your home!

When I was a kid (and I'm really not THAT old yet - 41) you never even THOUGHT of doing something like that! If a child acted like that in their own home, they were in deep sh!t. If you even entertained an idea (much less did it) of acting out like that in someone else's house, well, you just better hope that your parents didn't believe in using a belt or a switch, cuz your butt was gonna be sore enough without either of those!

Are there any consequences for this child? At daycare or at home? And now they will be "talking" to him. If it were my child, the "talk" would go something like this: You will not behave like this in our home, at daycare or at school. You have lost everything that you hold dear. All your toys will be put away. All of your privileges are gone. You will have every opportunity to earn back your things and your privileges, but not until I see a vast improvement in your attitude. AND THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!

And yes, I've done this. I've had to strip my child's room of everything except clothes, bed and bedding. He has had to "earn" back every toy, every privilege, because I was not raising a spoiled rotten brat that no one could stand.

A little disclaimer here: I'm not a total witch, nor am I immune to children's thoughts and feelings. When I do (did) this, I was telling my son how much I loved him, and it was because I loved him so much that I couldn't let him get away with this disrespect, and that if I didn't love him, I wouldn't care how he grew up or if he obeyed or respected anything or anyone. You know those kids you just can't stand to be around, the ones who's parents let them get away with murder? I want my kid to be enjoyed by all, not one of "those kids".

Anyway, I got a little off track. But IMO (<-- my opinion only here) this child needs to be put in his place instead of being coddled. The fact that he's like this at home is telling me it's not just a change in daycare or a temporary problem brought on by instances that he is feeling negative about, but his personality, or maybe just the fact that he's been able to do what he wants with little or no discipline for it.

[countrymom]

I guess I'm meaner than everyone here. If a child behaved like that every day at my house, for whatever reason, the very first thing he did wrong, he would be in the corner, in another room, by himself, no chance of an audience until his parents came to get him. And then I would be telling mom and dad (in front of him) how bad his behavior was and how he had to be separated from the rest of the group. I would do that every day, every time he misbehaved.

To me, this is just another example of how we (society) are coddling these kids and not demanding good behavior and respect. School age is seriously old enough to be able to respect and behave. He is showing you the highest level of disrespect in your home.

I couldn't have said it better. And yes, I have done this with my sa too. I don't put up with their nonsense, I know he's testing you, but once you start letting him get away, he's going to continue with it. Put him in the corner and tell him that its your rule and thats that.

Now, I had a b&a kid in september (acually I had him for a while, but I got rid of him in september) well I knew he did stupid things at school like eating worms, or trying to hang himself from a tree branch and mom is still constatly going in to see the teacher, well he was doing stupid things here too and i had enough. I called him out on it, not only did I ream him out but I told him that I knew he was doing it to get attention, omg you should have seen the look on his face. I know that he has issues and that his parents don't pay attention to him but I had enough of it and termed him, but he was also 10 yrs old, way too old.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Another issue which I just discovered - this child is on behavior meds, which are all but worn off by the afternoon.


I very much appreciate everyone's thoughts on this!

[boysx5]

I find SA to be more work than a baby any day. After sitting in school all day they are ready to go crazy and if you don't have enough for them to do it can be a long several hours til pick up at one time all I did was SA now that I'm older I can't handle plus I have five boys of my own that are all in school so that may be the reason they never get picked up

[Mrs.Ky]

Another issue which I just discovered - this child is on behavior meds, which are all but worn off by the afternoon.


I very much appreciate everyone's thoughts on this!

By reading your post I could tell he is ADHD. It's NOT the parents who arent punishing him or you because as you can see the other child is well behaved he has behavior issues because of his ADHD. Do you know if he has seen a Pshychiatrist and a beahvioral therpaist a regular doctor will not get him on the right meds or get him the right therpay he needs. Ask the parents what he has Im assuming ADHD by what you are saying. Suggest to them they should take him to a pshychiatrist and get him the RIGHT meds if he was on the right meds he would not be acting like this and tell them behavioral therpay will help them and him deal with the issues. My middle Son is on ADHD meds and it took a while to find the right ones he has to take 2 in the morning 2 in the afternoon and 1 in the evening for him to be what is considered normal in society but I know it helps him and makes him feel better. Homework for children with attention problems is very hard in the afternoon and its even harder if there is alot of nose going on here are some suggestions with dealing with the homework that helped with my Son. Sit with him and help him if you can, set a timer ADHD children love to visualize things and make it a game say lets see how much homework you can get done in 10 minutes and when it goes off and even if he has 1 problem done tell him good job maybe give him a sticker for trying, if it doesnt work it may be better if he waits till he goes home. Also try not to focus so much on the bad behavior if he does something like throw some poprcorn on the floor give him a warning tell him (name here) we dont throw popcorn on the floor and if you do it again you are going to time out if he does it again take him by the hand put him in timeout dont talk to him, look at him, etc he wants attention for this behavior when he does something good like helping you clean up the popcorn tell him he did a great job and you like when he helps out, behaves, etc. maybe even a sticker reward for the end of the day if he doesnt go to time out. I also suggest getting a timer for time out as I stated ADHD children love to visualize things. You have to realize he is a special needs child and he is gonna take alot of work and if you cant do that then you should send him somewhere else but truthfully with the RIGHT meds and therpay he WILL be a different kid if the parents get the help he needs. Hang in there.

[nannyde]

Yes I did, and DCD was very understanding. Apparently it's not just here but at home as well. They're going to have a talk, but he said "if you can think of anything to do to deal with it, let us know!" My face looked like this:

I think that they knew full well what I'd be getting into and didn't say anything (Nannyde, you were right as always!). They're really nice people and I think it was more an act of desperation than anything else.

I still don't know if I'm going to keep going though. Sigh.

I think providers miss the boat sometimes when interviewing. Part of the interview process is discussing behavior. As hard as it is to ask... ask the BIG questions like:

Does he mind you?
Is he respectful to adults?
Does he hit, fight, bite, throw things?
Does he play "superhero" play?
How much time does he spend on video games? What kind of games does he play?

Whatever you have found in your business that are deal breakers for that age group should be discussed when you meet them.

If they don't tell the truth then THAT is what you have to come back to when you are discussing their behavior.

You can say "I know this is a brand new behavior for Little Johnny because we discussed it and you said he didn't have these issues. Just today he did blah blah blah. Since this is the first indication of this then we need to discuss whether or not this is the right fit. He should always be in envirnoments that are conducive to the good behavior YOU see with him".

[kidkair]

One thing that worked well for me when dealing with a schoolager with ADHD type behaviors was to flat out tell him how I expected him to behave. He was running from me and fighting time outs so much that it took 10 minutes or so just to have him sit for a timeout. One day after an incredibly horrible behavior and timeout period I said: "You are 8 years old and acting like you are 2. I expect you to act like you are 8. That means I expect you to treat others nicely and respectfully. I expect you to follow directions when I give them to you. I expect that if I have to put you in time out you sit your time out quietly and wait for me to release you. I expect you to have fun here and to help everyone else have fun as well." His behavior with me improved greatly after that and every time out after that was sat quietly regardless of how mad he was at the situation.

[Blackcat31]

Well said marniewon!!!

Also when parents have their child diagnosed with ADHD/ADD, and get meds, it seems as though they think the meds are the cure all...so NOT true! Meds are only a portion of the solution. The biggest impact should be behavior modification....a behavior plan put into place by the parents, teacher and caregivers that specifically outlines the expectations and consequences.

It is unfortunate that his parents did not share with you the truth about their child. They are not doing him any favors by hiding it or ommitting it from you. They need to be working with you to get his behavior under control. If this means dispensing his medication so that he is taking a smaller dose in the afternoon to off set the "wearing off" time, then great, but being in denial about the help and assitance that the child needs is neglectful.

If this situation is not dealt with by ALL parties involved in his care and education, then he will become a danger to you, the other children and himself.

I think it is time to have a nice little sit down chat with his parents.

[gkids09]

Another issue which I just discovered - this child is on behavior meds, which are all but worn off by the afternoon.


I very much appreciate everyone's thoughts on this!

Well..I've had two different situations with this...The first school age kid is severely ADHD and has to take medicine every day. And does. It is worn off by afternoon. When she first started, it was VERY obvious. She has a twin brother and a younger brother. She began getting extremely wild and loud in the afternoons, so I talked to her mom, and then talked to her the next afternoon.

We talked about how it was okay to feel jumpy and loud and silly inside, but to try to save that kind of behavior for outside. We also talked about other ways she could let her feelings out instead of acting out. She is now one of my very favorite school kids. Told me the other day she was glad she was the only sister because she gets to have her own room and her brothers have to share! haha!

The second situation, I ended up having to term...Not because he was absolutely uncontrollable, but because he was saying the F word to the kids, and his parents didn't do anything to stop it. He wasn't TERRIBLY wild in the afternoons, but was a little loud and obnoxious at times. It was just the language and the fact that nobody at home did anything to him to make it stop.

As for the inappropriate noises he's making...When any of mine, any age, say or do things like that, they have to go to the bathroom, sit on a stool, and talk to the potty. The little kids KNOW that means lots of trouble. The school kids KNOW they better never have to go in there to talk to the potty or they lose all their activities for the rest of the day, or the next day depending on the time.

I had a SA kid slap another on the butt Wednesday. He then had to sit in a chair all by himself and WATCH the other kids play until someone came to get him. This is the same kid who DREW PRIVATE PARTS ON A DRY ERASE BOARD and lost all dry erase board privileges forever.

Anyway, maybe it would help to make your SA kid sit in the bathroom alone and make as many noises as he wanted. When he's done, he can come out. If he does it again, make him go back. Or if it's not that that he's doing, make him sit in the chair til someone comes to get him...

Don't know if any of this will/can work for you, but hope you get something out of it...ha!

[kidkair]

I love the "sit in the chair until someone comes to get you" rule. I'm going to keep that in mind for the summer.