Teasing??

[Unregistered]

I thought I'd ask you ladies if you can help me out to see if I'm overreacting and expecting too much or if there really is a problem. I've been doing daycare for 11 years and have never had a child like this so I'm really struggling with how to deal with it. This dcb is 3 1/2 I have had him here in my care since he was about 8 mo. old, he always used to be so sweet, always wanted to make sure he was following directions ect, however this last year he has been more difficult, he is a sweet boy when he's alone or with one other child but then when he's got his "friends" here he starts to "tease" another boy that is 2 1/2. This is where my problem is, I don't know if it's like serious teasing that I should do something about or ignore it. Here's some examples of what he does, the other boy comes in and he'll say (name) is in here, hide, or he'll pick up a toy that he knows the other boy had just a bit ago and wave it at him and say (his name) look what I have, or if the 2 1/2 yr old picks up a toy he'll go to whoever was playing with it and say (name) has your toy go get it, he has said get away from me dont' play with me. Are these normal things a 3 1/2 yr old would do? I have tried talking to him millions of times telling him that isn't nice to treat his friend that way, and he wouldn't like it if someone did it to him, and he just doesn't seem to get it, I've put him in time outs telling him if he can't be nice then he can't play but he still doens't get it, some thinks I'm overreacting a bit and that it's just a 3 1/2 yr old who is just trying to act and let the other child know he's older than him. I have another daycare boy that is 4 1/2 and I've heard him do it before and maybe that's where he picked it up but the 4 1/2 yr old will just say hey look what I've got more as a joke he's done end of story, the 3 1/2 yr old just seems to have taken this way too far, he's an only child. So what should I do about this I feel like he's in timeouts the majority of his days here but he still doesnt get it, so am I overreacting and let these things go as others have told me that I'm overreacting and should just remind him to be nice? thanks sorry so long

[ecemom]

I wonder if there is another "role model" (and I use the term loosely) in the child's life that he has seen behaving this way? Regardless, I believe it is a form of bullying and as care providers it is up to us to teach that it is unacceptable. Imagine if the 2 year old were your child. It would break my heart to know my child is being singled out by other children and the provider isn't correcting the issue (i.e. thinks it is not a big deal). Obviously, by your post, your gut tells you it is a big deal and I agree.

I have 3 simple rules in my house and the children know them by numbers.
Rule #1: Be Kind!
Rule #2: Stay Close (This is for field trips and my own kids mostly)
Rule #3: Listen and Follow directions QUICKLY
I've even added hand motions to these which stem from my training in Power Teaching (feel free to google it if you'd like more info on the technique ). So many times I will remind the whole group of a rule. I say, "Rule #1" and the kids stop what they are doing and say "Be Kind!" so it reminds them to check their behavior without calling individuals out. If this doesn't stop the behavior or depending on the behavior itself, I would approach the child and gently explain just as you mentioned. I would have the child apologize, offer other ways the child might have phrased his words if appropriate, and then end on the reminder that if the behavior is repeated the consequence will be ****. Maybe even add in a little redirection.

Good luck!

[AmandasFCC]

I wonder if there is another "role model" (and I use the term loosely) in the child's life that he has seen behaving this way? Regardless, I believe it is a form of bullying and as care providers it is up to us to teach that it is unacceptable. Imagine if the 2 year old were your child. It would break my heart to know my child is being singled out by other children and the provider isn't correcting the issue (i.e. thinks it is not a big deal). Obviously, by your post, your gut tells you it is a big deal and I agree.

I have 3 simple rules in my house and the children know them by numbers.
Rule #1: Be Kind!
Rule #2: Stay Close (This is for field trips and my own kids mostly)
Rule #3: Listen and Follow directions QUICKLY
I've even added hand motions to these which stem from my training in Power Teaching (feel free to google it if you'd like more info on the technique ). So many times I will remind the whole group of a rule. I say, "Rule #1" and the kids stop what they are doing and say "Be Kind!" so it reminds them to check their behavior without calling individuals out. If this doesn't stop the behavior or depending on the behavior itself, I would approach the child and gently explain just as you mentioned. I would have the child apologize, offer other ways the child might have phrased his words if appropriate, and then end on the reminder that if the behavior is repeated the consequence will be ****. Maybe even add in a little redirection.

Good luck!

Ohhh I like the "rule #1!" thing. I'm gonna try it!

[Unregistered]

Thanks for the advise, I like the #1 rule thing too, I think I'll do that too. I have explained to this boy numerous times and he's had numerous time outs and he just doesn't seem to understand what he's doing wrong, I don't really know how to get him to understand what he's doing is hurting someones feelings. I do have them apologize to the other child all the time. His time outs get longer each time but he still doesn't get it.

Some people have told me that if timeouts aren't working that giving him his own play area away from the others, in the same room of course but just away that only he can go in where he can watch the others play might help, but he's only 3 1/2 and to me that doesn't seem appropriate for his age. I do redirect but in some instances I don't really know what else I can redirect him to. Also with sharing how do some of you handle this, I always want them to share but in some cases some toys are just not capable of sharing and I always have a child ask if they can play, but I leave it up to the child who was playing with it to decide if they want the other child to play, but if it's something big enough for 2 people like a box of blocks lets say sometimes I have a child that just wants to play with them alone and another child may want to join them and play, would you encourage and require that child to share them if they got them out first? I always tell them there's enough blocks for 2 of you to play, but then sometimes the other child gets mad and says I want to play myself, do you allow some times when they don't have to share?

Thanks my group of kids is so close in age it's been very challenging but 4 of them have grown up together here.

thanks for the advise

[AmandasFCC]

As far as sharing goes, I do the same as you do. If a child wants to play alone with the blocks, then child b comes up and tries to play with them, I just say "child a is playing quietly alone, but there are plenty of blocks for you to play alone too". As of now that's always worked well for me.

We're not allowed to use time outs so lucky you that you have that option hehe.

[Unregistered]

Wow what do you do if you can't do timeouts? that would be so hard if we couldn't do that.