Feel Like I'm About To Lose My Mind-Sorry For The Rant

[ninosqueridos]

My kitchen used to stay clean before daycare.
My floor was always clean before daycare.
Pots washed and put away.
Clothes set out the night before.
Laundry done.
Time for myself.
Time for DH.

EVERYTHING WENT OUT THE WINDOW since I started daycare.

I used to try to keep up in the beginning. I have a very helpful and understanding husband, but sometimes that ONE comment, "you didn't check his homework yet?" can send me to the bathroom in tears. Hang in there - you are most certainly not alone.

[boysx5]

since I"m a neat freak and OCD I get up each morning at five am and clean I do most of the daycare in the basement so I don't have it all over my house. Before lunch we clean the basement up while down there I will do laundry and then after daycare fold and put it away. During nap time I clean up lunch stuff and maybe will clean a bathroom or two I do it everyday so it doesn't pile up but its a neverending job. I also have five sons who love to make messes but with them at school each day the house doesn't get too bad.

[MN Mom]

I understand how you are feeling!

To all you other in home daycare providers who are also stay at home moms, do you ever just get so sick of all the little mundane things you have to do EVERY day that you think you're going to lose your mind? I live in Canada, we've had snow and below freezing weather for MONTHS, the kids have been sick pretty much all winter and I feel like if I look down and see that my floor needs to be swept ONE MORE TIME I am going to have to drive myself straight to the loony bin. My husband is gone 11 hours out of the day and I feel so isolated, I can hardly stand it. I just feel like because I do daycare my house is destroyed every day (I'm sure you all relate: its not like I leave all day for work and can come back to my house in the same condition it was when I left it) and then I have to clean up the daycare mess for my family, make supper then clean that all up and the rest of the mess my family makes for the daycare kids in the morning...ugh, I'm just done. My husband is wonderful and really tries to help, but there is only so much he can do when he is gone all day! Tonight at the end of the day I just cried. I'm sorry, just really looking for some support right now because after the day I had I'm ready to lock my doors....

I am a married SAHM who occasionally babysits. I 100% understand what you are going through! I am in Minnesota, and we've been cold and frozen for months with no end in sight. I have started to treat myself to special things on weekends, and have been doing so for over a month now. WOW! What a difference it has made in my attitude! So far I have: had a massage, got my hair cut, colored and eyebrows waxed, bought new make-up (I haven't worn makeup in YEARS), bought a new purse and scarf to match, AND I made a new (guy) friend and we have been out twice now to talk philosophy and books. The guy friend is the coolest part because a) I have a friend who is NOT a little and b) My husband is insanely jealous and pays extra attention to me *nudge nudge, wink wink*

[dEHmom]

To all you other in home daycare providers who are also stay at home moms, do you ever just get so sick of all the little mundane things you have to do EVERY day that you think you're going to lose your mind? I live in Canada, we've had snow and below freezing weather for MONTHS, the kids have been sick pretty much all winter and I feel like if I look down and see that my floor needs to be swept ONE MORE TIME I am going to have to drive myself straight to the loony bin. My husband is gone 11 hours out of the day and I feel so isolated, I can hardly stand it. I just feel like because I do daycare my house is destroyed every day (I'm sure you all relate: its not like I leave all day for work and can come back to my house in the same condition it was when I left it) and then I have to clean up the daycare mess for my family, make supper then clean that all up and the rest of the mess my family makes for the daycare kids in the morning...ugh, I'm just done. My husband is wonderful and really tries to help, but there is only so much he can do when he is gone all day! Tonight at the end of the day I just cried. I'm sorry, just really looking for some support right now because after the day I had I'm ready to lock my doors....

HI to my IDENTICAL twin!

I had a meltdown 2 days ago. DH just kept saying what's wrong with you, why are you crying? .

i know what you mean. I've had a few days where it seems I clean up, and you can't even tell. I clean this, and while i'm doing that this gets all messed up again.

[dEHmom]

You have to realize that cleaning house is like rolling a rock up hill, it's always going to roll back down, just so you have to push it up again....
leave some things be and find a momnent to relax and do something for yourself. the mess is not going anywhere and stressing about it will only make matters worse...

Good point!

Here's what I did about a month ago...

If I didn't want to clean it, I threw it away! Lessening the load.



Definition of a Mom/Childcare Provider n. chef, baker, janitor, sock and shoe finder, coat buttoner, boot fitter, bottle washer, grocery shopper, diaper changer, protector, dish washer, nose wiper, vegetable pusher, floor sweeper, waiter, story teller, playground attendant, PE teacher, activity director, driver, zoo keeper, inspector, aerobics instructor, tutor, entertainer, therapist, manager, derby instructor, performer, bookkeeper, self-esteem builder, teacher, helper, well wisher, nurse, traffic controller, noise controller, life saver, thinker, problem solver, engineer, designer, counselor, safety instructor, arbitrator, creator, inventor, companion, musician, historian, technician, dietitian, athlete, beautician, fire marshall, analyst, artist, dentist, scientist, biologist, technologist, accountant, manicurist, receptionist, environmentalist, pharmacist, hygienist, speech therapist, reader, builder, informer, composer, supervisor, author, navigator, peacemaker, chauffeur, friend. . . . . . .

[Zoe]

I'm right there with you! I have no problem with kid clutter, because I put the responsibility for clean up with the kids. My problem is the dirt/dust/dishes/laundry that I have to do. Yes, it has to be done. Yes, it needs to be done over and over. I get that. What I hate is that my husband is a hurricane of mess! It's like he leaves a trail of mess wherever he goes! The 10 years we've been together he's gotten a little better, but it's so frustrating!

I love this man so much, he has such good intentions and in NO WAY wants to make my job harder, but sometimes I don't even want him to come home! Because I know the second he comes home, I have 1 more person to clean up after! As a mom and wife I know that my job truly doesn't end at 5:30. It's a 24/7 job. If I don't clean it, it won't get cleaned. Or if my husband tries to clean, then his clutter doesn't get cleaned. Never ending cycle. It's exhausting!

You're not alone in your frustration!!!!

[treehugger82]

Good point!

Here's what I did about a month ago...

If I didn't want to clean it, I threw it away! Lessening the load.

::I've done that before too!::

Definition of a Mom/Childcare Provider n. chef, baker, janitor, sock and shoe finder, coat buttoner, boot fitter, bottle washer, grocery shopper, diaper changer, protector, dish washer, nose wiper, vegetable pusher, floor sweeper, waiter, story teller, playground attendant, PE teacher, activity director, driver, zoo keeper, inspector, aerobics instructor, tutor, entertainer, therapist, manager, derby instructor, performer, bookkeeper, self-esteem builder, teacher, helper, well wisher, nurse, traffic controller, noise controller, life saver, thinker, problem solver, engineer, designer, counselor, safety instructor, arbitrator, creator, inventor, companion, musician, historian, technician, dietitian, athlete, beautician, fire marshall, analyst, artist, dentist, scientist, biologist, technologist, accountant, manicurist, receptionist, environmentalist, pharmacist, hygienist, speech therapist, reader, builder, informer, composer, supervisor, author, navigator, peacemaker, chauffeur, friend. . . . . . .

Ahh...so true!!

[SilverSabre25]

In 24 hours I will be on a MUCH needed 4-day break. Of course, in true over-achiever fashion, I plan to redecorate, reorganize, and repaint a good portion of my house (with DH's help of course). It's still 4 days with no dcks and I can't wait!

Besides, it's easier to keep things neat when I actually have a chance to take the unwanted stuff to Goodwill/Once Upon a Child

[SandeeAR]

Well, I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are still doing daycare, once YOUR kids are grown and gone, it will get eaiser!

It is just the DH and I. Since I clean the kitchen while they are down at nap and they have a room to themselves to sleep, clean up is only picking up the last of the toys at the end of the day.

[cillybean83]

i sooo understand where you're coming from. By the time my husband gets home from work I am DONE, I do dishes, laundry, sweep, swiffer, homeschool, change diapers, make bottles, make breakfast, make lunch, play, vacuum, rock babies, make beds, and MORE while he is at work...by the time 3pm is here (he's on a 7-3 shift) I need a NAP or at least a chance to just do NOTHING...what does he say? "I need to rest too, I worked all day"

um...what? YOU worked all day? YOU FIXED COMPUTERS IN A QUIET OFFICE IN A COMFY CHAIR!

He will give the kids and house about an hour a night, if I"m lucky, otherwise he's parked in his recliner playing playstation ALL NIGHT, I get up at 5:30 and go to bed at midnight every. single. night. I get no rest, no sleep because my 15 month old STILL wakes up during the night, and if he doesn't my 8 year old "has a bad dream"

I ask my husband to clean the house and he says "it's clean enough for me!" to get out of having to do anything...and i do EVERYTHING for the kids, 100%...he has given our 15 month old ONE bath, he'll change maybe 1 diaper a day, he kisses them goodnight, and that's his parenting involvement...sometimes he'll watch sportcenter in the playroom and call that playing with the kids.

UGH.......

[sahm2three]

i sooo understand where you're coming from. By the time my husband gets home from work I am DONE, I do dishes, laundry, sweep, swiffer, homeschool, change diapers, make bottles, make breakfast, make lunch, play, vacuum, rock babies, make beds, and MORE while he is at work...by the time 3pm is here (he's on a 7-3 shift) I need a NAP or at least a chance to just do NOTHING...what does he say? "I need to rest too, I worked all day"

um...what? YOU worked all day? YOU FIXED COMPUTERS IN A QUIET OFFICE IN A COMFY CHAIR!

He will give the kids and house about an hour a night, if I"m lucky, otherwise he's parked in his recliner playing playstation ALL NIGHT, I get up at 5:30 and go to bed at midnight every. single. night. I get no rest, no sleep because my 15 month old STILL wakes up during the night, and if he doesn't my 8 year old "has a bad dream"

I ask my husband to clean the house and he says "it's clean enough for me!" to get out of having to do anything...and i do EVERYTHING for the kids, 100%...he has given our 15 month old ONE bath, he'll change maybe 1 diaper a day, he kisses them goodnight, and that's his parenting involvement...sometimes he'll watch sportcenter in the playroom and call that playing with the kids.

UGH.......

Ummmm.....are we married to the same man?! Down to the job?! He always says how he deserves down time when he gets home....I ask all the time when do *I* get MY down time?! If I take a break, I pay for it later because everything is still there for me to do when I am done taking a break! I have all the duties of a daycare provider during the day and also mom duties, cleaning up after work, preparing dinner for my family, cleaning up after dinner, helping with homework, running kids to and from activities and friends houses, bathing kids, more cleaning, preparing for the next day, and then showering myself before bed. I almost never stop moving! UGH! I just wish things were more even!!!

[dEHmom]

i sooo understand where you're coming from. By the time my husband gets home from work I am DONE, I do dishes, laundry, sweep, swiffer, homeschool, change diapers, make bottles, make breakfast, make lunch, play, vacuum, rock babies, make beds, and MORE while he is at work...by the time 3pm is here (he's on a 7-3 shift) I need a NAP or at least a chance to just do NOTHING...what does he say? "I need to rest too, I worked all day"

um...what? YOU worked all day? YOU FIXED COMPUTERS IN A QUIET OFFICE IN A COMFY CHAIR!

He will give the kids and house about an hour a night, if I"m lucky, otherwise he's parked in his recliner playing playstation ALL NIGHT, I get up at 5:30 and go to bed at midnight every. single. night. I get no rest, no sleep because my 15 month old STILL wakes up during the night, and if he doesn't my 8 year old "has a bad dream"

I ask my husband to clean the house and he says "it's clean enough for me!" to get out of having to do anything...and i do EVERYTHING for the kids, 100%...he has given our 15 month old ONE bath, he'll change maybe 1 diaper a day, he kisses them goodnight, and that's his parenting involvement...sometimes he'll watch sportcenter in the playroom and call that playing with the kids.

UGH.......

We sound identical. Although my dh is pretty good at cleaning. He just yells the whole time he's doing it.

My dh also works his butt off, NO ONE works harder or more than my dh . So I do feel for him. But it ticks me off that he can't take the kids to their swim classes, or stop at the store in the evening or on way home for me. He's still in training though. My dh used to sit and play games all night, and didn't do much for the kids when they were newborns, once they hit about 2 yrs he got alot more involved because they are more fun at that age he says.

But I just want to mention Cillybean, that you have a lot of resentment in your posts about your dh. And I'm not a therapist (but I've saved 2 marriages!!!!!) but when you talk more about the bad stuff, all you see is the bad stuff.
And a MAJOR thing to always know and remember in a relationship is to save the dirty stuff for the bedroom Seriously though, one thing that saved my dh and I from murdering each other is learning how to talk to each other. The biggest changed happened when we started saying "when you....I FEEL like...." it's not finger pointing, it's simply putting the feelings in there. It makes a big difference.

[cillybean83]

We couldn't be married to the same man, as my man is too lazy to have taken on a 2nd family! LOL

Now, I'm pretty old school, I don't mind doing the laundry and the cookind and the child rearing as long as he goes to work, cuts the grass, cleans the sink traps, takes out the trash, etc...my MAIN ISSUE lies with his uninvolvement in family activities, the kids, ME, etc...if he wants 2 hours to himself at night, then he needs to be willing to give me EQUAL TIME to myself, and that doesn't mean he keeps sitting on his you-know-what while I'm doing what I wanna be doing...he has to BE ME for those 2 hours, cleaning, playing with the kids, being a PARENT, then the remaining 1-2 hours of the night should be FAMILY TIME where we all do things TOGETHER...to me, that's fair! To him...that's torture, and honestly it's a little hurtful! I've asked him more than once WHY he signed on for a wife and WHY he wanted children, when he doesn't want anything to do with us most of the time! He should have just stayed single and hired a maid!

Sometimes he's great, and involved, but a lot of times he falls into his rut of recliner/ps3...he says it's because he's "old" (45) but I think it's because he's out of shape, and generally lazy.

[cillybean83]

We sound identical. Although my dh is pretty good at cleaning. He just yells the whole time he's doing it.

My dh also works his butt off, NO ONE works harder or more than my dh . So I do feel for him. But it ticks me off that he can't take the kids to their swim classes, or stop at the store in the evening or on way home for me. He's still in training though. My dh used to sit and play games all night, and didn't do much for the kids when they were newborns, once they hit about 2 yrs he got alot more involved because they are more fun at that age he says.

But I just want to mention Cillybean, that you have a lot of resentment in your posts about your dh. And I'm not a therapist (but I've saved 2 marriages!!!!!) but when you talk more about the bad stuff, all you see is the bad stuff.
And a MAJOR thing to always know and remember in a relationship is to save the dirty stuff for the bedroom Seriously though, one thing that saved my dh and I from murdering each other is learning how to talk to each other. The biggest changed happened when we started saying "when you....I FEEL like...." it's not finger pointing, it's simply putting the feelings in there. It makes a big difference.

you're right...and when I get on a roll I do have tunnel vision and only see the bad, when on the flipside, my DH is a GOOD MAN. He comes home on time everyday, he might not be too involved but he loves his kids, he isn't a cheater, or a liar, he doesn't drink, he would never lay a finger on me..and I know these are all things NO MAN should EVER do...but the fact is a lot of guys are jerks, and they DO do these things, and my guy never would, and I know I'm blessed to have married a good man, albeit a lazy one!

We have had our share of fights, and while I may vent here, at home, and with us...we're in a really good place right now, we've talked a lot of it out, he's trying to do better, i'm trying to let go of the past....i guess i need to try a little harder

[melskids]

i dont know how i missed this thread before, but i'm just reading it for the first time now, and i'm in tears.

i spent all last weekend crying. i dont even need to tell you all why, cause you all have already said it all. husband, my own kids, daycare, finances, life. i am totally overwhelmed right now.

i know some day i'm gonna look back and miss this. my mother keeps reminding me of that everytime i talk to her. but sheesh, somebody somewhere needs to cut me a little slack.

its great to know i can come here, and realize i'm not so alone.

thanks ladies