I Wish Parents Could Walk A Mile In Our Shoes

[Zoe]

Thinking back to when my own children were in daycare while I was teaching, I remember being confused/frustrated with certain policies of my daycare lady's. I didn't want to take off work when my daughter had a slight fever. I will admit, and this is awful, that I gave her tylenol one day. I also didn't want to have to pay for days that I missed. What's more, my daughter was a picky eater and I didn't understand why my provider couldn't just give "regular meals" that she was used to.

Do I sound like some of the "terror" parents we all talk about? Of course, I always paid on time and never brought up any of my thoughts to my childcare provider, it was more of a complaint that I kept to myself.

Now that I've been doing daycare for 3 years, I realize why these policies are in effect. I was thinking of myself and not about my provider and how she needs to keep her business running smoothly and what's best for the group as a whole. It's funny how being on the other side changes a person!

And the funniest thing about this, is that the minute I decided to do childcare, it wasn't as if I was saying to myself, "I'm going to do things different". Nope! I pretty much had a policy exactly like my old daycare lady's! I serve a variety of healthy meals, and it has nothing to do with my daughter's taste. Heaven help the parent who knowingly brings their sick child to my care! My rates are weekly with NO discount for absent or missed days.

Now if only we could get the parents of the children in our care to walk a mile in our shoes, as I have. Maybe then we wouldn't be having so many problems!

Hey, I can dream can't I? ::

[AfterSchoolMom]

Amen to this entire post! I can say the same - my own only went to care as drop ins, but I remember some things about their provider that I thought/did that I'm embarrassed about now.

Parents just don't think about it from our perspective.

[laundrymom]

A mile? I'd settle for a block!

Thinking back to when my own children were in daycare while I was teaching, I remember being confused/frustrated with certain policies of my daycare lady's. I didn't want to take off work when my daughter had a slight fever. I will admit, and this is awful, that I gave her tylenol one day. I also didn't want to have to pay for days that I missed. What's more, my daughter was a picky eater and I didn't understand why my provider couldn't just give "regular meals" that she was used to.

Do I sound like some of the "terror" parents we all talk about? Of course, I always paid on time and never brought up any of my thoughts to my childcare provider, it was more of a complaint that I kept to myself.

Now that I've been doing daycare for 3 years, I realize why these policies are in effect. I was thinking of myself and not about my provider and how she needs to keep her business running smoothly and what's best for the group as a whole. It's funny how being on the other side changes a person!

And the funniest thing about this, is that the minute I decided to do childcare, it wasn't as if I was saying to myself, "I'm going to do things different". Nope! I pretty much had a policy exactly like my old daycare lady's! I serve a variety of healthy meals, and it has nothing to do with my daughter's taste. Heaven help the parent who knowingly brings their sick child to my care! My rates are weekly with NO discount for absent or missed days.

Now if only we could get the parents of the children in our care to walk a mile in our shoes, as I have. Maybe then we wouldn't be having so many problems!

Hey, I can dream can't I? ::

[momatheart]

OH I know. I have been told by so many parents that they could NEVER do my job. I tell them well I could never do your job.

[MyAngels]

You are right about this. I ran into the provider that my oldest two children went to before I started my daycare a couple of years ago. The first thing I did was apologize for all of the mornings that I didn't call her if we were running late or staying home. She just laughed and we compared notes and realized that the same things that drove her nuts all those years ago are still going on now. I think, overall, I was a decent daycare parent, but I know I wasn't perfect!

[Zoe]

I've also been thinking about how I was as a daycare kid way back when! I'm kinda starting to see now why it was that she was so cranky! ::::

[Blackcat31]

Sorry this is looong but worth the read....

I am a childcare provider....
I am a home daycare provider-the person who opens up her home and family to other people’s children for 20 to 50 hours a week while they are at work. I provide food, toys, activities, companionship and encouragement to the youngsters in their parent’s absence. I know from the smiles on the little ones faces that they enjoy themselves when they are in my care, and they’ve come to expect me to be helpful and kind. However, I’m not always sure what their parents expect from me.

I try hard to be professional. I am accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) and I attend seminars on everything from safety and nutrition to planning crafts and summer activities. I encourage children’s efforts, no matter how small. I help Jr. to help himself, to take responsibility for his belongings, to learn to count, to learn his ABC’s, to feed himself, and to help him share. In return, I am offered a small hand as we cross the street. I’m asked to tie a shoe, dress a doll, or examine an invisible wound. We share a laugh, a story…a childhood.
Parents should understand that I, like themselves, need to earn a living. As a self-employed person, it is up to me to keep myself busy. I am legally permitted to have a certain number of children in my home, and if I don’t have them, I’ll feel it in my wallet. Therefore, when a mother fails to arrive as scheduled, or breezily calls two hours late on Monday morning and announces that little Abby won’t be coming to daycare this week because her great aunt from Rhode Island just arrived and will be caring for her instead (for free)…I have two choices, I can swallow hard and say “Oh, okay. Well, thanks for letting me know.” (which is what I used to do) or I can have parents sign a contract at the beginning of our business relationship, stating that they will pay me a fixed amount per week each Monday, whether they bring their child or not. This is what my son’s preschool does, because the school doesn’t have a paying customer to temporarily fill my sons slot if he can’t go due to family vacation or illness.

This brings to mind another problem. It is just not reasonable for parents to expect me to care for a sick child. I don’t have the facilities or an extra person to handle the job and it just starts an exhausting cycle among the children and myself of passing around germs back and forth. When I call parents and say their child is feverish and vomiting or has diarrhea, I expect the mother or father to come and get their child and not ask, “Well, what do you want me to do?” I realize that illness is unpleasant and inconvenient, but it is for me too and for the other kids in daycare. Surely I can’t be expected to send all the other kids home when one kid is sick. I would like to suggest to parents that they make some back up arrangements or have a few vacation days in reserve should someone need to stay home with a sick child.

I had to laugh the other day when a friend dropped by at lunch time. She looked around the table and smiled to see the little ones eating their nutritionally balanced lunches, complete with milk to drink and fruit for dessert. “You’ve really got it made,” she said. “I would love to be able to work from home the way you do. I work with greedy selfish people all day long, and I hate it!” Just as I was about to respond, a fight broke out. “That’s my bunch of grapes!” “I had it first!” “Aaaugh!” “She hit me!!”
“Ok, Ok,” laughed my friend. “Point taken.” Yes, I work in conditions that are sometimes less than ideal. I vacuum two to three times daily. I wipe noses and bottoms, repair broken toys and hurt feelings, and occasionally I’m spit on by my clients (though usually not intentionally).

It’s surprising though, what an odd idea parents have sometimes about what I do all day….although they are most emphatic to say they could never do what I do. I’m sure they don’t mean to be hurtful when they remark with displeasure at the sight of a fresh bandage. (“What happened? Weren’t you watching him?”), a ketchup stain (“This was a new outfit!”) then why did they wear it to daycare? Or glance around, silently disapproving of the scattered toys, cookie crumbs and books (or so I imagine.) It is always delightful to hear a compliment or a word of thanks at the end of a 10 hour day instead of a complaint.

I bring these issues to light because I’ve had a distinct impression that I’m thought to be a nanny, “the help”, if you will. I’m not. I am a self-employed business woman. If I am selected as a daycare provider, the child will receive excellent care and attention, will watch no TV, and will be served nutritious meals and snacks and will have a variety of activities, both active and quiet, that are age appropriate. If I were a nanny, employed to watch a child to exact specifications, that would be one thing. But working parents can’t afford to spend that much money on childcare and bring their child to a group caregiver instead. At my house, I make the rules, set the policies, decide what I will or won’t do. I would like my clients to respect my needs and accept the fact that outside of hiring Alice from the “Brady Bunch” they’re going to have to meet me half way. I’ll try to be flexible too; otherwise I’d be out of business.

Sometimes I envy these mothers, I see someone drive up to my home in a much nicer car than I drive (is it paid for?) their work clothes are fabulous compared to my home issued sweats and tennis shoes (do you have to dry clean it?) Most parents have a more respectable address than I do. But I wonder who really does have it all? I am inclined to think it is me. The person who answers my child’s questions is me; I have lots of time to hug him, tell him stories and listen to his naptime prayers.

I have thought of escaping to corporate America on days when yet another area on my rug absorbs a spill, yet another complaint is aired by a picky eater, when a parent arrives 30 minutes late and doesn’t call me. But I have learned one very important lesson as a daycare provider that prevents me from leaving my children with sitters while I work away from home; love is not for sale.


my childcare lady gave this to me when I quit her services and started my own....over 17yrs ago...

[daycare]

very worth the read thanks so much for sharing

[DCMomOf3]

love that blackcat.

[Zoe]

I love that. Very nicely said.

[MommyMuffin]

1 thing to add...
DCP....Your child is not the ONLY child here. Also, I do not sugar coat rules and coddle your child like you do. They will hear no...there will be toys taken away and they just may get a time out from time to time.

And unlike you I do not laugh and smile or find it cute when your child spits or screams.

Also this one really irked me....when I told a parent about how I have to take children outside weather permitting because of licensing and it is good for them....in response I get....but its the parents choice right?

Ummm no it is your choice to pick a nonlicensed daycare if you do not want your child outside.