Parent Carrying 4 and Half Year Old into Daycare

[Annalee]

From a similar standpoint: Friday at pickup, dcm said to dcg3 "did you tell ms.xxxx you slept in your bed all by yourself for the first time last night?"

[littlefriends]

From a similar standpoint: Friday at pickup, dcm said to dcg3 "did you tell ms.xxxx you slept in your bed all by yourself for the first time last night?"

I have 2 dc parents that constantly complain about not getting any sleep due to co sleeping-their kids are 3.5 and 4!!!

[CountryRoads]

I have 2 dc parents that constantly complain about not getting any sleep due to co sleeping-their kids are 3.5 and 4!!!

This reminds of something that happened a couple months ago.

Dcb was going to stay the night at gma's house, so he had an overnight bag with him. I noticed a bottle sticking out the bag and looked closer. It was a newborn, stage 1 nipple, baby bottle. Dcb immediately said "that's mine!" I was very confused and then he told me he uses it at bed time to go to sleep.

He will be 4 in a couple months

[littlefriends]

this reminds of something that happened a couple months ago.

Dcb was going to stay the night at gma's house, so he had an overnight bag with him. I noticed a bottle sticking out the bag and looked closer. It was a newborn, stage 1 nipple, baby bottle. Dcb immediately said "that's mine!" i was very confused and then he told me he uses it at bed time to go to sleep.

He will be 4 in a couple months

oh. My. Word.

[SpringBear]

I'm going to have to differ in opinion. If this family moved back in with (grand)parents, something is going on that is causing some stress and maybe trauma. THAT is the reason for the boy's regression, not mom "giving in" to him. The mom is being responsive and connecting. That's not a bad thing. When caring for children who go through trauma, the best practice IS attachment parenting. Carrying, holding, in whatever way possible no matter what age. I have a foster child, 11, and I don't pick her up, but we spend hours with her in my arms. It's what they need. Children can't reach the next developmental stage until their needs (emotional, physical, developmentally) have been met at the stage their in. It doesn't matter what stage you feel they "should" be in.

That being said, I think it's fair to set that boundary for yourself, I am not going to be carrying a 4.5 year old around. But do not criticize her parenting techniques. Perhaps commend it "I think it's great that you are responding to your child's needs as he goes through this stressful time, and you're able and willing to hold and carry him, however I am not going to do carry a child this age at my program. I am happy to sit on the floor/couch/etc and hold him for a few minutes to help him transition."

And PLEASE educate yourself on taking care of children who have gone through trauma. It is more common than you think, and "tough love" is not the answer!

Also most childcare programs require you are able to lift 50 pounds, with the expectation that you can carry children up to that weight. Maybe not day in and day out, but when they need it, emotionally, occasionally, and certainly in an emergency.

[Cat Herder]

If the child had gone through trauma, it would be the parent's responsibility to both notify the daycare and make plans to meet their childs needs. Nowhere in the OP did it say the living situation was new or traumatic, only that mom is no longer working. Daycare is not foster care or social services.

[Rockgirl]

If a parent carries their child to the door, fine. That’s on them. But I refuse to take a 4 year old from a parent’s arms. The 19 month old in my daycare walks from the car all the way in, holding a parent’s hand.

Attachment parenting is great....for stay-at-home parents, who never plan to send their children to group care.

[littlefriends]

I'm going to have to differ in opinion. If this family moved back in with (grand)parents, something is going on that is causing some stress and maybe trauma. THAT is the reason for the boy's regression, not mom "giving in" to him. The mom is being responsive and connecting. That's not a bad thing. When caring for children who go through trauma, the best practice IS attachment parenting. Carrying, holding, in whatever way possible no matter what age. I have a foster child, 11, and I don't pick her up, but we spend hours with her in my arms. It's what they need. Children can't reach the next developmental stage until their needs (emotional, physical, developmentally) have been met at the stage their in. It doesn't matter what stage you feel they "should" be in.

That being said, I think it's fair to set that boundary for yourself, I am not going to be carrying a 4.5 year old around. But do not criticize her parenting techniques. Perhaps commend it "I think it's great that you are responding to your child's needs as he goes through this stressful time, and you're able and willing to hold and carry him, however I am not going to do carry a child this age at my program. I am happy to sit on the floor/couch/etc and hold him for a few minutes to help him transition."

And PLEASE educate yourself on taking care of children who have gone through trauma. It is more common than you think, and "tough love" is not the answer!

Also most childcare programs require you are able to lift 50 pounds, with the expectation that you can carry children up to that weight. Maybe not day in and day out, but when they need it, emotionally, occasionally, and certainly in an emergency.

The parents divorced 5 years ago and they moved in with dcm’s parents. Dad has not been in the picture since. Dcb has grown up at that house. There’s definitely no trauma situation going on. She’s repeatedly stated he’s her “last one” and she’s having a hard time with the thought of both her kiddos being in school.

[Josiegirl]

Springbear, you're absolutely right for cases of trauma but I feel 99.9% of the cases where children are being carried in/out are not trauma based, just a case of momma not letting their child grow up or they have a hard time saying no. At least, it's been my experience in all my 39 yrs. of child care. In fact, the ONE case I had where a child was traumatized from early childhood events, dcps expected that child to walk in/out of dc. Yes, that child got(still gets!)amazing love and emotional support from her family in all other ways(thank you FB)and is constantly hugged, cuddled, etc. Don't these children still need to be as independent as possible?
So PLEASE don't tell experienced providers to get educated. There is a difference between coddling and cuddling.

[Blackcat31]

Trauma issues aside, for ME its about liability.

Carrying a 4.5 yr old or even a 12 year old is the parent's prerogative but it won't be allowed on my property.

Holding his hand and walking to the door is the only acceptable way of getting to and from the car.

If a parent doesn't agree or comply then I am not the right program for them.

[Sunshine69]

Nope. Four year olds without medical issues do not need to be carried. How annoying.

I have a 3.5 year old in my care that weighs 60lbs. Dcd May may no problem carrying the child around, but I do. Not going to do it. No one’s going to pay my bills or care for my kids when my back is out and I can’t work.

I also don’t care for the coddling at drop off. Some parents get it and say a quick goodbye and go. These kids seem to adjust quickly to the transition and are only whiney when they have good reason to be. Others prolong the agony with multiple hugs and kisses and buying into the drama. They’re not doing themselves or their kids any favors.

I get it. It’s hard to walk away from your crying child. I had to do the same thing when my son went to pre-K. The teacher told me straight-up, a hug and kiss and “I’ll pick you up later” and be gone. Just a few days later, no more drop-off drama.