When Your Own School Teenagers Are Home On Break

[daycare]

This week both of my teenagers have a second winter break. or I believe they call it presidents week....they are home all this week.

My daughter is 13 and is a great helper. She loves playing, reading, singing and helping the kids.. I love it..

One of the DCK will NOT listen to my daughter. EX: we have a extended gate that divides the daycare room from the eating area. It is bolted into the wall. Yesterday I was changing a diaper in the bathroom and DCK decided to start hanging on the gate and trying to shake it as hard as possible. DCK ended up ripping the bolts out of one side of the wall. My daughter kept telling her to get down and DCK starting screaming at my daughter NO i don't have to listen to you. Another situation today reqarding the DCK refusing to listen to my daughter. My daughter also informed me that every time I turn my back to this child the the DCK starts doing bad stuff. I thought that this is one of my better behaved kids, as they listen to me no problem. and obviously what happens behind my back I don't know about?????

Question: Do you let your teenagers tell the kids what to do? Also, would you tell the parent the issue and if so do you think that the parent has a right to say that their child does not have to listen to my daughter??

[DCMom]

My daughter has been my helper since she was 13; now that she is 18 she is going to be my assistant this summer. My dck's adore her.

How old is this dcg? Personally, I would tell that child that she needs to listen l to dd as well as she listens to me. I feel that a helper/assistant (no matter if they are your daughter or not) should be respected as an authority figure~an extension of me.

I wouldn't even bring it up to the parents unless they bring it up to you first and then I would be backing my daughter 110%

jmho

[Pammie]

Question: Do you let your teenagers tell the kids what to do? Also, would you tell the parent the issue and if so do you think that the parent has a right to say that their child does not have to listen to my daughter??

My own kids are now grown and no longer living at home. However, when they were teens, my dc kids were expected to respect them the same as any other adult. I still expect my dc kids to treat ANY adult with respect - and for a child, that means "listening" to the instruction given to them by an adult.

Personally, I probably wouldn't tell the parent of the disrespect towards your daughter (about breaking the gate - yes). Perhaps you could have your daughter lead some really fun activity only for the children that listen to - and respect her??

[daycare]

well the only reason that it will need to be brought up is because dck age 3.5 damaged the wall really bad when ripping the bolts out. I want mom and dad to be aware of the behavior... I plan on having an assistant come in just for their new baby which will arrive in a few months...... I want to make sure that I am not going to be dealing with this behavior long term.

[marniewon]

My daughter has been my helper since she was 13; now that she is 18 she is going to be my assistant this summer. My dck's adore her.

How old is this dcg? Personally, I would tell that child that she needs to listen l to dd as well as she listens to me. I feel that a helper/assistant (no matter if they are your daughter or not) should be respected as an authority figure~an extension of me.

I wouldn't even bring it up to the parents unless they bring it up to you first and then I would be backing my daughter 110%

jmho

Same here. My teens are homeschooled and my assistants during the day. My dck's know that they have to listen to them just like they listen to me. I wouldn't tell the parents either. When my husband is home, he will occasionally have something to do with the dck's. I don't tell the parents that either, because it really shouldn't matter. The only thing the kids need to know and do is listen to anyone in authority here.

[nikia]

I would definitely say something about the gate. Show them the damage and then if they start asking more in depth questions you can go into the whole story about you changing baby, daughter helping all of that. But they need to fix/pay for the damage done to your home. If this dcg is doing things behind your back then she knows exactly what is accepted and what isnt so she knew hanging on the gate was wrong. Sounds like more problems to come when new baby is here ?? Maybe??

[daycare]

I would definitely say something about the gate. Show them the damage and then if they start asking more in depth questions you can go into the whole story about you changing baby, daughter helping all of that. But they need to fix/pay for the damage done to your home. If this dcg is doing things behind your back then she knows exactly what is accepted and what isnt so she knew hanging on the gate was wrong. Sounds like more problems to come when new baby is here ?? Maybe??

all of the kids know that they are not allowed to climb or hang on the gate. In fact I don't even let them open and close the gate without assistance.... so this DCK knows what they are doing... today DCK during hand washing time decided to turn the bathroom light off on all the other kids and then put her hand over it so that my daughter could not turn it on.. My daughter asked her to stop and dck spat at my daughter.....

[squareone]

I would expect my daycare kids to listen to anyone that I had enlisted to be my assitant/sub/helper. I would explain to the dck from the get go that this is my daughter Sally and she is here as my helper today. You all need to listen to her just like you listen to me because she is also in charge." Then, if they don't listen, the consequences would be the same as if they had disobeyed/disrespected me.

I probably would not mention it to the parent. Especially since it's only a very temporary situation. If the kid went home and "told" that Sally was trying to boss her around or whatever I would discuss it if/when the parent brought it up. I would inform the parent that their child is expected to listen to direction from ANY adult in my house (including my own 13yo) that is telling them right from wrong. If the parent didn't like it then they could pay for the drywall repair then hit the road.

[marniewon]

Damaging the wall AND spitting? Yeah, I'd tell the parents, and insist that they pay to repair the wall. It's not like you left her alone with no one in authority. SHE didn't listen to your dd when your dd told her to stop.

I don't think I would put up with spitting, or any of the other things she did maliciously. Not from that age! Personally I would put her on probation and let her parents know that she's on probation.

[nikia]

all of the kids know that they are not allowed to climb or hang on the gate. In fact I don't even let them open and close the gate without assistance.... so this DCK knows what they are doing... today DCK during hand washing time decided to turn the bathroom light off on all the other kids and then put her hand over it so that my daughter could not turn it on.. My daughter asked her to stop and dck spat at my daughter.....

I would be so angry about the spitting thing, more than the damage to the wall from the gate uggg I think that is just so gross. I think with that on top of the gate I would talk to the parents. Behavior may only get worse once new baby gets here.

[Cat Herder]

Damaging the wall AND spitting? Yeah, I'd tell the parents, and insist that they pay to repair the wall. It's not like you left her alone with no one in authority. SHE didn't listen to your dd when your dd told her to stop.

I don't think I would put up with spitting, or any of the other things she did maliciously. Not from that age! Personally I would put her on probation and let her parents know that she's on probation.

Morally I agree with Marniewon.....

Realistically it would get me in trouble, up to losing my registration, if the parents complained. It would be equal to the child having had a "spat" with another child in care and could be turned around to make DD out to be "The bully" and me the "Mother Bear"

My own 13yo DD is not allowed to assist in the daycare until age 16 WITH a criminal records check/training hours documentation on the premises. No different than any other "employee". State Regs.

My kids do read to them, etc....but they are not involved in discipline and are not left alone with the kids at all.... Silly, I know....

[momofsix]

Morally I agree with Marniewon.....

Realistically it would get me in trouble, up to losing my registration, if the parents complained. It would be equal to the child having had a "spat" with another child in care and could be turned around to make DD out to be "The bully" and me the "Mother Bear"

My own 13yo DD is not allowed to assist in the daycare until age 16 WITH a criminal records check/training hours documentation on the premises. No different than any other "employee". State Regs.

My kids do read to them, etc....but they are not involved in discipline and are not left alone with the kids at all.... Silly, I know....

Yes, but she wasn't "alone" with them...I'm guessing that they would have been "alone" if her daughter wasn't in the room because she was changing a diaper. That's how I read it.

My older daughters have always helped me, and are now my paid adult subs/assistants-a great benefit to me and my families...I rarely have to close!

My 14 year old can help me all the time, she's great with the kids, plans activities for them, can keep great control...
My 13 year old can help when I ask her to, she's great with playing with the kids, helping with lunch, but HORRIBLE when it comes to keeping control-the kids don't respect her authority, and I think it's b/c they don't see her as an adult. She's more "one of them". As she gets older, I see her helping our more and getting more respect, but she's not there yet!

If you are putting your DD "in charge", I would make sure that the kids understand that they need to listen to her just as they would you, and that she can deliver the same consequences that you would. And a consequence for spitting at someone on purpose would be harsh,, that's so disrespectful and rude

[Cat Herder]

Yes, but she wasn't "alone" with them...I'm guessing that they would have been "alone" if her daughter wasn't in the room because she was changing a diaper. That's how I read it. :

I know, sorry...and I think it is absurd, too.

My point is that it is less liability to have them be alone long enough to change a diaper than to leave them alone with your older child. I swear.....it was in our training video...::::

I am referring to how it can be turned around on you in an investigation if the parents complain. Even if the child was climbing on the gate and fell all it would take was for them to say DD pushed him/her After having spoken to the parents about how their child "disrespected" yours... See how it can play out?

I hope I am coming out clear, I am out of caffeine...

Your child does not actually have to do something to be accused of it, YKWIM?

[momofsix]

I know, sorry...and I think it is absurd, too.

My point is that it is less liability to have them be alone long enough to change a diaper than to leave them alone with your older child. I swear.....it was in our training video...::::

I am referring to how it can be turned around on you in an investigation if the parents complain. Even if the child was climbing on the gate and fell all it would take was for them to say DD pushed him/her After having spoken to the parents about how their child "disrespected" yours... See how it can play out?

I hope I am coming out clear, I am out of caffeine...

Your child does not actually have to do something to be accused of it, YKWIM?

Oh yes, I understand Sometimes common sense has to take a backseat to being "legal" and "regulations"!!! Crazy but so true. I often wonder who it is that thinks up the rules for child care homes? Certainly not providers!

[daycare]

heres the thing my daughter is home from school, she is not my assistant she is not watching the kids, she is just physically here... she saw a kid doing something dangerous and asked them to stop.... its obvious in this case that the child was doing something wrong as the wall with huge holes in it is proof.