Explaining Death

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  • Sunchimes
    Daycare.com Member
    • Nov 2011
    • 1847

    Explaining Death

    My husband passed away on Wednesday. My daycare kids will be back tomorrow. They are 5, 3, and a baby. I thought about taking another week off, but frankly, I need the money since I just lost half of my income, and the family can't find anyone to keep them. I think it will be better for me to work than sit here alone and mope. Mom has talked to them of course, but I know it is going to be hard. My husband has been retired for several years, so he was almost always around. He was as much daycare as I was. He has been very sick for the last few months, and the 3 year old is very aware. Several times a day, he peeks into the room and says, "Johnnie sick? Johnnie going to doctor?" He loved him so much, and this is going to be hard for him. Same with the kindergarten kids. They all grew up in our house. Any wise words on what to say, especially if I cry, and I know I will. Tears seem to pop up at the oddest times.
  • Ac114
    Daycare.com Member
    • Feb 2018
    • 573

    #2
    Oh sunchimes, I am so sorry for your lost. I would honestly take the week off. I know you said you need the money but you need this time to grieve and to grieve without having to deal with small children. It’s on mom to figure it out. Your husband passed and she can not expect you to just be there.

    If you really do want to reopen, I would just be honest. Death is a part of life. You can say Johnnie was very sick and he has now passed away. He won’t be coming back and I miss him. It’s ok for you to miss him too.

    I really am so sorry. I don’t have much advice. Try to surround yourself with friends and family or find a support group to help you get through the next few weeks.

    Comment

    • Msdunny
      Daycare.com Member
      • Nov 2012
      • 442

      #3
      I am so sorry you are facing this this week. I wish you could take the week for yourself in order to grieve. I pray the parents who bring their children will be sensitive to what you are going through and will be kind.

      As for the children, I would explain that your husband got very sick and his body couldn't get well. He won't be here any longer, but we can still love him and talk about him.

      Hugs to you, and I will be praying for your hurting heart this week. :hug:

      Comment

      • Gemma
        Childcare Provider
        • Mar 2015
        • 1277

        #4
        So sorry for your loss!:hug:

        Because not everyone believes in heaven, God etc.. I personally would only say:"He's no longer with us"!
        ...that way I don't risk upsetting parents for telling their kids something that goes against their belief... but that's just me

        Again, sorry for your loss

        Comment

        • Blackcat31
          • Oct 2010
          • 36124

          #5
          ((((Hugs))) to you Sunchimes


          My condolences as well as prayers.
          I am so sorry for your loss

          Comment

          • e.j.
            Daycare.com Member
            • Dec 2010
            • 3738

            #6
            Originally posted by Ac114
            I would just be honest. Death is a part of life. You can say Johnnie was very sick and he has now passed away. He won’t be coming back and I miss him. It’s ok for you to miss him too.
            This is how I would handle things with the kids, too. I'd answer any questions they had as honestly as I could without going into too much detail. I'd be honest about my feelings and if I shed some tears and they noticed, I'd explain that I was feeling sad and could use a hug.

            I know it's not the same as a husband's passing, but when my father passed away several years ago, my dc kids helped to get me through some tough days with their hugs and kisses, keeping me busy and focused on the positive rather than allowing me to dwell on the sadness and loss I felt with his passing. I hope you'll feel at least some level of comfort from getting back into your daily routine and caring for the kids, too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

            Comment

            • Annalee
              Daycare.com Member
              • Jul 2012
              • 5864

              #7
              Originally posted by Sunchimes
              My husband passed away on Wednesday. My daycare kids will be back tomorrow. They are 5, 3, and a baby. I thought about taking another week off, but frankly, I need the money since I just lost half of my income, and the family can't find anyone to keep them. I think it will be better for me to work than sit here alone and mope. Mom has talked to them of course, but I know it is going to be hard. My husband has been retired for several years, so he was almost always around. He was as much daycare as I was. He has been very sick for the last few months, and the 3 year old is very aware. Several times a day, he peeks into the room and says, "Johnnie sick? Johnnie going to doctor?" He loved him so much, and this is going to be hard for him. Same with the kindergarten kids. They all grew up in our house. Any wise words on what to say, especially if I cry, and I know I will. Tears seem to pop up at the oddest times.
              :hug: :hug::hug:I would just be "you". When my dad passed ( my mom works with me), mom cried every day for a LONG time. The parents would come in and tell us how the kids would go home and talk about "helping ms xxx to be happy and not sad". It can be a great life lesson and learning experience for all of us! Again, I'm so sorry! lovethis

              Comment

              • Daycare Darling

                #8
                Oh honey that sounds too soon but I understand the need. As far as explained to the kids someone else on here had a good brief response, I would go with that, but you'll have to keep repeating yourself because they aren't going to accept it for a while and that's going to be tough for them but especially you. I would stick with your scheduled routine but during naptimes or whenever you can I would head to another room to grieve so it doesn't sneak up during story time or playtime as much. I was taught to schedule grief that way during a miscarriage I had a long time ago, Ive used this method for everyone I've lost since and it doesn't work flawlessly but it actually helped, less random unwanted outbursts I just held onto it for a time that would be better. Hope this helps even slightly.

                Comment

                • Michael
                  Founder & Owner-Daycare.com
                  • Aug 2007
                  • 7951

                  #9
                  So sorry for your loss.

                  Comment

                  • Josiegirl
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Jun 2013
                    • 10834

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Msdunny
                    I am so sorry you are facing this this week. I wish you could take the week for yourself in order to grieve. I pray the parents who bring their children will be sensitive to what you are going through and will be kind.

                    As for the children, I would explain that your husband got very sick and his body couldn't get well. He won't be here any longer, but we can still love him and talk about him.

                    Hugs to you, and I will be praying for your hurting heart this week. :hug:
                    This....and I'm so very sorry for your loss. Honestly, I would let their parents do the majority of the answering questions for their little ones because everyone has their own beliefs. But don't feel you need to hide away from your sadness, the dcks might very well need to share theirs too. Try to find something constructive to do with the children to help share everyone's grief, such as make pictures of him to hang on the wall or plant a tree, etc., in his memory. Don't be afraid to talk about him And do let them know it's completely okay to cry and be sad. They might be afraid to see you cry and in turn hide their own feelings about him. Maybe you could ask your local librarian for some age-appropriate books to share?

                    Again, I am so sorry you're going through this. If you do end up needing more time off please take it. Good parents will understand.

                    Comment

                    • DaveA
                      Daycare.com Member and Bladesmith
                      • Jul 2014
                      • 4245

                      #11
                      I am so sorry for your loss. :hug::hug:

                      Comment

                      • Ariana
                        Advanced Daycare.com Member
                        • Jun 2011
                        • 8969

                        #12
                        I am so sorry for your loss :hug:lovethis

                        Do what you need to do to heal at this time. I would let the parents talk to their kids about death personally. I would tell them that your husband is dead and to talk to their parents about what that means.

                        Comment

                        • Jupadia
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Nov 2016
                          • 836

                          #13
                          So sorry for your loss,

                          Comment

                          • Baby Beluga
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Aug 2014
                            • 3891

                            #14
                            I am so very sorry for your loss :hug:

                            I have never had to explain death to DCK's. But I have to my own children. I am just open and honest with them. "So and so passed away and is no longer alive because xyz." Then we talk about our fond memories of that person, how we will always have our memories, emotions that we might feel while processing the news and ensure them that those emotions are okay to feel. With my own children I have also explained to them that everything, at some point, will die. That is just life. I feel like presenting it in that way lessens the fear of the death of an important person therefore taking some of the pain away and making death more accepted and natural.

                            Comment

                            • flying_babyb
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Apr 2017
                              • 992

                              #15
                              I would do a memory activity. Planting a tree is a nice one, the kids can watch it grow. We did this when the beloved neighbor (who would come to the fence and chat with the kids) passed. Even when he was sick he would roll his wheelchair out for playtime.

                              Comment

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