Are You An Old School Provider

[Unregistered]

Kids today...

I always promised myself that I wouldn't start off a conversation that way, but now I understand why the conversations have to start that way.

Kids today are given way too many choices and way too much freedom. I've seen kids totally control their parents and I can't imagine even attempting any of the stunts that they pull with my own parents! I would have been sent outside to pick out a switch for my mom all the time. Kids today also behave as though they should be given everything that they want. They are entitled and that's no good. It's a "Me, Me, Me" generation for sure.

I have a hard time with the fluctuating expectations that are set by parents. They want their kids to be geniuses and do everything early, but they will make excuses for the child if the expectations aren't met. It's sad to see children get set up for failure this way. It seems to me that this generation of children has a much harder time with social settings and school settings. They aren't willing to listen to rules, much less obey them. It can be an exercise in futility to be responsible for children who have no regard for rules. It's also frustrating to see children just not even try to do things for themselves. Parents do everything for the child and as a result the child doesn't trust their own ability to do things for themselves. When these children become adults and are being expected to be responsible for themselves, what will happen?

Yeah, I'm old school. I have high standards for my daughter and I expect her to rise to the challenge. If she doesn't meet a goal, then we figure out why and we move on. I hold her responsible for her mistakes, and I make her accountable for fixing them. She's a bright girl who is well adjusted and doesn't fear failing at anything that she tries. She's not perfect and I don't expect her to be, but that was never my intention for her. I have the same mindset with the children in my care. I know that they are capable of so much more than they show their parents. Because I know that they can, I expect that they will.

[SilverSabre25]

I've been thinking about this all day and I want to say something...but hope it's not taken the wrong way.

There are definitely problems with "kids today" and "parents today"--but they are NOT starting with the current generation of kids and parents--I think that the problems started a couple generations back. Many of today's parents (between 20 and 35 years old, probably) didn't get much parenting, or good parenting, or parenting that was useful at all--these are some of the first digitally-raised kids, the ones who first had cable and VCRs and computers and internet and were left to their own devices much of the time. They had no good example of HOW to parent, HOW to problem-solve, HOW to stick by their guns and let a consequence stand. They were influenced heavily by the Hollywood notion of family and kids and parents--where kids got away with murder and talking back and everything was backed by a laugh track.

Without those good examples from their own parents, and as the notion of having mom/grandma/aunts around all the time to help a new mama falls by the wayside, no one knows how to parents, and no one knows how to LEARN to parent. It used to be that people learned by watching extended family--that's how I learned. But that doesn't happen so much anymore in our compartmentalized, highly individualistic society. Other cultures still have that matriarchal component in play much more than ours does, and it shows in their parenting practices, I think. Some things are better learned from those who have already learned it the hard way and I think parenting is one of them.

i'm not blaming everything on TV, mind you--but it is one of the things I can point to that's changed in the past couple of generations, along with the "death of the extended family". It's not that today's kids are a "me" generation--it's that today's parents, and to some extent the parents before them--are also "me" generations. Our society has become SO individualistic that nothing else exists for some people--many people.

It's a multi-generational problem, for sure, and it's getting worse. Parents today don't know how to parent because they didn't experience parenting, and kids today won't know how to parent either, and neither will their kids, except for the ones who step up and figure it out.

Unfortunately, it's only going to KEEP getting worse the more the government steps in to mandate how things "should" be done--sometimes I feel like we're only one short step from having government-installed Big Brother style cameras in all our homes waiting for us to slip up and spank a child or give our 18-month old a PBJ or not cut grapes up into 16 pieces for our 4 year old.

When you ask a community like this--child care providers, people who choose to work with children all day every day voluntarily--I don't think you're likely to find any completely "new school" people--because those are the people who look horrified when you tell them what you do for a living and say that they could never do it. Those are the people we have as clients...not the people that are doing the job.

I can't say I'm completely old school 'cause I'm not and I could never be because I believe too much in the value of understanding child development. But let me tell you--some of my favorite "parenting books" come from the old school (written in the fifties and the seventies) and they are JUST as accurate today as they were when they were written. And they fit just fine into my parenting philosophy.

[DCMomOf3]

I've been thinking about this all day and I want to say something...but hope it's not taken the wrong way.

There are definitely problems with "kids today" and "parents today"--but they are NOT starting with the current generation of kids and parents--I think that the problems started a couple generations back. Many of today's parents (between 20 and 35 years old, probably) didn't get much parenting, or good parenting, or parenting that was useful at all--these are some of the first digitally-raised kids, the ones who first had cable and VCRs and computers and internet and were left to their own devices much of the time. They had no good example of HOW to parent, HOW to problem-solve, HOW to stick by their guns and let a consequence stand. They were influenced heavily by the Hollywood notion of family and kids and parents--where kids got away with murder and talking back and everything was backed by a laugh track.

Without those good examples from their own parents, and as the notion of having mom/grandma/aunts around all the time to help a new mama falls by the wayside, no one knows how to parents, and no one knows how to LEARN to parent. It used to be that people learned by watching extended family--that's how I learned. But that doesn't happen so much anymore in our compartmentalized, highly individualistic society. Other cultures still have that matriarchal component in play much more than ours does, and it shows in their parenting practices, I think. Some things are better learned from those who have already learned it the hard way and I think parenting is one of them.

i'm not blaming everything on TV, mind you--but it is one of the things I can point to that's changed in the past couple of generations, along with the "death of the extended family". It's not that today's kids are a "me" generation--it's that today's parents, and to some extent the parents before them--are also "me" generations. Our society has become SO individualistic that nothing else exists for some people--many people.

It's a multi-generational problem, for sure, and it's getting worse. Parents today don't know how to parent because they didn't experience parenting, and kids today won't know how to parent either, and neither will their kids, except for the ones who step up and figure it out.

Unfortunately, it's only going to KEEP getting worse the more the government steps in to mandate how things "should" be done--sometimes I feel like we're only one short step from having government-installed Big Brother style cameras in all our homes waiting for us to slip up and spank a child or give our 18-month old a PBJ or not cut grapes up into 16 pieces for our 4 year old.

When you ask a community like this--child care providers, people who choose to work with children all day every day voluntarily--I don't think you're likely to find any completely "new school" people--because those are the people who look horrified when you tell them what you do for a living and say that they could never do it. Those are the people we have as clients...not the people that are doing the job.

I can't say I'm completely old school 'cause I'm not and I could never be because I believe too much in the value of understanding child development. But let me tell you--some of my favorite "parenting books" come from the old school (written in the fifties and the seventies) and they are JUST as accurate today as they were when they were written. And they fit just fine into my parenting philosophy.

I think this was well said and I've been thinking this way for quite a while. Being a parent of boys, I don't even know if my knowledge will help them parent since the responsibility of parenting often falls on the ladies over the men.

[SandeeAR]

I've been thinking about this all day and I want to say something...but hope it's not taken the wrong way.

There are definitely problems with "kids today" and "parents today"--but they are NOT starting with the current generation of kids and parents--I think that the problems started a couple generations back. Many of today's parents (between 20 and 35 years old, probably) didn't get much parenting, or good parenting, or parenting that was useful at all--these are some of the first digitally-raised kids, the ones who first had cable and VCRs and computers and internet and were left to their own devices much of the time. They had no good example of HOW to parent, HOW to problem-solve, HOW to stick by their guns and let a consequence stand. They were influenced heavily by the Hollywood notion of family and kids and parents--where kids got away with murder and talking back and everything was backed by a laugh track.

Without those good examples from their own parents, and as the notion of having mom/grandma/aunts around all the time to help a new mama falls by the wayside, no one knows how to parents, and no one knows how to LEARN to parent. It used to be that people learned by watching extended family--that's how I learned. But that doesn't happen so much anymore in our compartmentalized, highly individualistic society. Other cultures still have that matriarchal component in play much more than ours does, and it shows in their parenting practices, I think. Some things are better learned from those who have already learned it the hard way and I think parenting is one of them.

i'm not blaming everything on TV, mind you--but it is one of the things I can point to that's changed in the past couple of generations, along with the "death of the extended family". It's not that today's kids are a "me" generation--it's that today's parents, and to some extent the parents before them--are also "me" generations. Our society has become SO individualistic that nothing else exists for some people--many people.

It's a multi-generational problem, for sure, and it's getting worse. Parents today don't know how to parent because they didn't experience parenting, and kids today won't know how to parent either, and neither will their kids, except for the ones who step up and figure it out.

Unfortunately, it's only going to KEEP getting worse the more the government steps in to mandate how things "should" be done--sometimes I feel like we're only one short step from having government-installed Big Brother style cameras in all our homes waiting for us to slip up and spank a child or give our 18-month old a PBJ or not cut grapes up into 16 pieces for our 4 year old.

When you ask a community like this--child care providers, people who choose to work with children all day every day voluntarily--I don't think you're likely to find any completely "new school" people--because those are the people who look horrified when you tell them what you do for a living and say that they could never do it. Those are the people we have as clients...not the people that are doing the job.

I can't say I'm completely old school 'cause I'm not and I could never be because I believe too much in the value of understanding child development. But let me tell you--some of my favorite "parenting books" come from the old school (written in the fifties and the seventies) and they are JUST as accurate today as they were when they were written. And they fit just fine into my parenting philosophy.

I agree with a lot of what you've said. I think another thing that has hurt the family is the lack of stay at home Moms. My kids were in that first generation with alll the electronics (29 &27). We were one of the last to buy an ninetdo for them, and then it was only b/c we had just moved to the country and they knew no one and it was summer time, not much chance to meet a lot of kids until school started.

I think a lot of things started going down hill as more and more Moms went to work and left the raising of their kids to others. yep, I know that gave us all jobs, but I would still rather see them raised by their own parents.



JMHO

[nannyde]

I've been thinking about this all day and I want to say something...but hope it's not taken the wrong way.

There are definitely problems with "kids today" and "parents today"--but they are NOT starting with the current generation of kids and parents--I think that the problems started a couple generations back. Many of today's parents (between 20 and 35 years old, probably) didn't get much parenting, or good parenting, or parenting that was useful at all--these are some of the first digitally-raised kids, the ones who first had cable and VCRs and computers and internet and were left to their own devices much of the time. They had no good example of HOW to parent, HOW to problem-solve, HOW to stick by their guns and let a consequence stand. They were influenced heavily by the Hollywood notion of family and kids and parents--where kids got away with murder and talking back and everything was backed by a laugh track.

Without those good examples from their own parents, and as the notion of having mom/grandma/aunts around all the time to help a new mama falls by the wayside, no one knows how to parents, and no one knows how to LEARN to parent. It used to be that people learned by watching extended family--that's how I learned. But that doesn't happen so much anymore in our compartmentalized, highly individualistic society. Other cultures still have that matriarchal component in play much more than ours does, and it shows in their parenting practices, I think. Some things are better learned from those who have already learned it the hard way and I think parenting is one of them.

i'm not blaming everything on TV, mind you--but it is one of the things I can point to that's changed in the past couple of generations, along with the "death of the extended family". It's not that today's kids are a "me" generation--it's that today's parents, and to some extent the parents before them--are also "me" generations. Our society has become SO individualistic that nothing else exists for some people--many people.

It's a multi-generational problem, for sure, and it's getting worse. Parents today don't know how to parent because they didn't experience parenting, and kids today won't know how to parent either, and neither will their kids, except for the ones who step up and figure it out.

Unfortunately, it's only going to KEEP getting worse the more the government steps in to mandate how things "should" be done--sometimes I feel like we're only one short step from having government-installed Big Brother style cameras in all our homes waiting for us to slip up and spank a child or give our 18-month old a PBJ or not cut grapes up into 16 pieces for our 4 year old.

When you ask a community like this--child care providers, people who choose to work with children all day every day voluntarily--I don't think you're likely to find any completely "new school" people--because those are the people who look horrified when you tell them what you do for a living and say that they could never do it. Those are the people we have as clients...not the people that are doing the job.

I can't say I'm completely old school 'cause I'm not and I could never be because I believe too much in the value of understanding child development. But let me tell you--some of my favorite "parenting books" come from the old school (written in the fifties and the seventies) and they are JUST as accurate today as they were when they were written. And they fit just fine into my parenting philosophy.

This is a really good post Silver.

I think it goes even deeper.

I was watching a youtube video of this little 5 month old whose mom posted five videos of her. One of them is entitled "Smart Super Baby Crawling at 4 months old!!! Genius World Record maybe??" and then this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-S1k..._order&list=UL

I was really saddend when I watched this on SO many levels. It really struck me how VERY VERY young we start the high stimulation and instant gratification.

This baby has a wide screen TV on in front of her and a REALLY loud infant toy that plays continually with lights and music. The only thing the baby does is touch the toy and the whole environment is taken over with the noise and lights of the toys.

That's not enough... the wide screen TV is on too!!!!!!

She's a five month old baby

Her parents believe she is gifted and amazing. Maybe even a world record holder.

Ugh

Nearly everything we have for even small babies is little effort HUGE response. For kids, teens, young adults... they have had an ENTIRE lifetime of this.

Just point and touch and you get a HUGE reward.

Then along comes a baby. A baby can't be cared for with a point and touch and they don't entertain YOU constantly. So what do we do? We do point and touch... FOR THE BABY so they don't cry... so THEY are entertained...

One generation passing it down to the next... but at some point it all falls apart. I believe that is happening NOW. I think we have made a HUGE cultural shift just in the last few years. The generation of kids raised on point and click now are raising the point and click kids.

constant happiness NOW
easy solution requiring no effort NOW
say yes NOW


Now as providers we have BOTH generations to accomodate.

It's not working... and you can see it in everything...
in education
in food
in sleep
in health
in MONEY

The baby video doesn't say it all but it says A LOT about where we are today.

[happykidschildcare]

At first I asked myself this question and was unsure what to say....then i started reading what ya'll were saying and I have to agree that I'm definitly old school.

I too am amazed with some parents and their lack of parenting skills, the crazy thing is when the kids are in my presence they behave pretty well, its departure time and the end of the day when its a parent & me standing there is when my jaw usually drops! I can't believe what parents let thier kids get away with now days....reasoning with a child? seriously....yes its good for them to make SOME choices... But theres a fine line.

[lovemyjob]

Old school...100%

It is soo refreshing to hear there are people like me. So many constant pleas with kids to get things done.."Johnny...do you want to go home?" The reply is "no". So the parents bribe. "Do you wanna go home to see dad? Get your bear? etc." After the first "no," I walk right over to what the kid is playing with, take it forcibly from their hands if needed and walk them to the door and wave good-bye. It is not a choice.

The same with screen time. Kids get to choose what they watch even. We specifically keep 1 television in our home in a common room. If our kids want to watch TV with dad after supper for a bit...they watch what dad chooses. He is the oldest and the boss. So, needless to say, my kids will and can sit through any documentary about anything and they do it with a happy heart cuz they got to watch with dad.

If I turn on the telelvision while I make lunch...if I don't choose a cartoon that has jingles or music etc. (or that takes more than a 30sec attention span) there is not one kid I care for that will sit for the story/show.

I remind the kids that if they would like to request something..they have to bring their manners to my house with them. Occassionally I get glimpses of the older kids I care for, as they morph into the kids they are "allowed" to be at home. Whining, no manners and demanding what they want and when. Recently, my 4 yr old explained to me how he told his mom that he doesn't like granola bars with chocolate chips any more..only the chocolate chunks. He told her that he gets a headache with the choc. chips. (Dare I report that she now only buys him the choc. chunk bars cuz he refuses to eat the others and throws a fit?) UGH

We only repeat things twice in our home. 3rd time and the kid gets a "break/time out/sit" until they are ready to listen. The option to get out of it only is given when the fits have stopped and their manners have returned.

Would love to have coffee with all of you on this one. Lots of stories to share..but would love to pick your brains to see how you handle some of the modern-day parenting situations that you encounter.

(We are also the type of family that eats every meal together sitting down at a table! It is the priority and the expectation. Most kids that come here are used to eating in front of a tv or while sitting on the counter. We have got to be culture shock to the core.)

I am also of the mind that I will be transitioning my child care to a non-electronic toy environment. Kids have more fun with a box than a silly loud plastic telephone. Enough said!

[DaisyMamma]

My favorite saying. I say this to myself all day.
"No means no. It doesn't mean cry and whine until I say yes." Or "Do I look like your mother?"
Lol

[providerandmomof4]

yesterday morning i watched a mother put on and take off her childs shoes 4 times, because HE didnt like the way she was doing it.

....and she is a licensed therapist with a masters degree.


when it comes to behavior and respect, i am old school.

yes, i run a child centered program. but that doesnt mean i let them rule the roost. some people think child-led means the kids can do whatever they want, whenever. thats not what it means, to me anyway.

they choose the topic or "theme" for the week/month based on their interest, and they do choose what they want to play with throughout the day, but they are still expected to follow rules, and be respectful.

yes, they can choose to paint when they want. but they know, the minute they step away from the easel, they'd better put that brush down.

sure, i have a huge table full of sand in the middle of my house. but they know, they'd better keep it in the table.

if they rip apart the playroom and mix up the centers, thats fine. but when they are done, they know just where everything goes.

so maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm really not so child centered, seeing that i dont allow little jonny to creatively express himself by painting my couch, or stuff my cat in the toy oven, IDK. :confused:::

I totally agree! I think I'm a little of both. I have become less lenient with my rules over time because I know what works...and it's a matter of self preservation Unless I want to spend every waking moment cleaning up after my dck's, they will clean up after themselves. It really amazed me when I had my 3-5 yr olds clean up the play dough. They did a great job! And the same thing with shoes/jackets, etc. They need to get them on and be ready, unless they want to stay inside with my 18yr old daughter. I will help with laces...but they need to try! One day I had a dcb who refused to put on his jacket...He stayed inside with my daughter. He NEVER did that again. When I first started, I (and their parents) were selling them short. You get what you expect.

[Angelsj]

I am not really sure it is so much "old school" as it is an abdication of the role of parenting. We seemed to have entered a realm where it is not the parent's job to parent.
We are the first "experts." At 6-8 weeks, the infant is handed over to us and we are expected to handle things. We teach, we train, we raise. I find this often in how many questions the parents ask. Most of my parents rely on me for advice in so many things, from medical advice to school advice to advice on toilet training.

At age 5, or earlier, the child is handed over to the school, and the "experts" there are supposed to do the rest of the work. It seems the more the school handles, the more the parents don't...in a vicious circle. Schools now feed kids breakfast, teach ethical behavior, sex ed.... All things that were once the parent's job.

I don't disagree with you btw, that kids are running the show. Parents have NO IDEA what to do, and precious little time or interest in learning. It is sad, and is going to one day have far reaching consequences.

[Lawson2]

I currently nanny, but I am in the process of opening my daycare this year. There has been so many times that I have shaken my head at the lack of parenting. A few off the top of my head... Nanny for two highly professional people (both parents are scientists) 6 year old- eggs parents on to hit her and see what would happen, said she would tell the school. Same girl screamed "MOM- GET IN HERE NOW"!!! over and over... while mom was talking to a maintenance man at their house. Umm.... My single mother would have said excuse me to the man and I would have had it coming. This mother, "Ohh, what's the matter honey"?? She just wanted her mothers attention.
Another family- the 9 year old boy would not use the bathroom in his own house unless you stood outside the door. His sister took a bottle until age 6. Again- two highly educated parents. Kids would scream and boss their parents around. Same town- two older kids. I met with their therapist to be on the same page as kids/parents. It was the 1st week of my job. The boy had swim lessons, the girl and I had to watch. As a prepared nanny, I packed snacks and activities. Well, she wanted a snack out of the vending machine. I didn't have $ so I said no, let's find something in the bag. She proceeded to hit and kick me. When the therapist asked how the first week went, I told her the story. The therapist responded... I should have prepared her by telling her (in advance) that we would not be buying a snack today. Umm... It was my first time there, I didn't know this was going to happen. So, we have to appease the child every time? For what? For them to never to have to experience disappointment? Hope do they cope with life? Ahh yes... They have piano lessons, take every sport available, travel, but... They don't have their parents. Yes... Like you, I see the "me me me" generation on a daily basis. So many more stories. I can't wait to see what parents request when I open my day care doors... Now I have my own child. He is by no means, the most perfect 2 year old, but... I am raising him to be polite and courteous. He does NOT get everything he wants and he gets lots of compliments on his behaviour. Why do you want to have a child that no one cares to be around? To end on a positive note, I do childcare for some great families also. The kids are a joy to be around, but their parents parent!

[BABYLUVER]

I'm not sure if it's old school but:

We didn't do "binkies" past 1.
We didn't do bottles past 1.
We potty trained when the kids were closer to 18 months -24 months
We had the kids in regular underwear when training, none of these pullups things.
We EXPECTED the children changed in the morning before drop-off
We expected the children fed before drop-off if they were going to be here after the scheduled breakfast time.
We had the kids learn manners
We did field trips and learning activities
On those field trips (say to the grocery store) the children exhibited exemplary behaviors.
We used a holding rope and ALL kids were expected to hold onto it at all times
We didn't do video games/tv/etc.
We had WOODEN blocks (do you know how hard the old-style was to find?)
Lots of books
Lots of writing/#'s/etc.
If the children were rude at MY home *I* addressed the children. Then I addressed the parents.
If the children cried at my house because they didn't want to leave? I didn't allow the parent to extend their visit. Once you're there and then suddenly baby's throwing a fit, time for you to GO. (My dcp friend had a parent every day stay an extra hour after close trying to get her dck to calm down. Um, no).

Truthfully, I didn't have many problems with the children. The PARENTS and the business aspect of the child care gave me the biggest headaches.

[itlw8]

Not sure if it is midwest values, not being from the city or what but I do not see many of the wacka doodles around here. Parents for the most part parent like I did, my Mother and even my grandmother. So I guess I am old school or maybe just a middle of the road Missourian You have to Show Me

[daycare]

I'm not sure if it's old school but:

We didn't do "binkies" past 1.
We didn't do bottles past 1.
We potty trained when the kids were closer to 18 months -24 months
We had the kids in regular underwear when training, none of these pullups things.
We EXPECTED the children changed in the morning before drop-off
We expected the children fed before drop-off if they were going to be here after the scheduled breakfast time.
We had the kids learn manners
We did field trips and learning activities
On those field trips (say to the grocery store) the children exhibited exemplary behaviors.
We used a holding rope and ALL kids were expected to hold onto it at all times
We didn't do video games/tv/etc.
We had WOODEN blocks (do you know how hard the old-style was to find?)
Lots of books
Lots of writing/#'s/etc.
If the children were rude at MY home *I* addressed the children. Then I addressed the parents.
If the children cried at my house because they didn't want to leave? I didn't allow the parent to extend their visit. Once you're there and then suddenly baby's throwing a fit, time for you to GO. (My dcp friend had a parent every day stay an extra hour after close trying to get her dck to calm down. Um, no).

Truthfully, I didn't have many problems with the children. The PARENTS and the business aspect of the child care gave me the biggest headaches.

I don't want to hijack the thread bit how and what do you do to potty train kids so young?

[Unregistered]

I had a parent tell me that they tried to take daughter for a hair cut over the weekend over 5 times but she would not let them. Hair is passed the eyes. Hello!

I mentioned, just doing it. Parent was afraid the child would get cut with the scissors from making such a fuss.

Child was taught if I put up enough of a fuss I can get my own way and manipulate my parents for everything. This child does a complete turn around when the parent is present.
Ugh!

I am old school, but if a new school way works- I run with it. I do what works. I do consider myself a "teacher" and do a lot with the kids, because I want to and it keeps my day interesting and I enjoy doing it. I try to keep open to all ways of doing things. I do feel children should be taught to respect elders and not run them.

Seems like most are old school. Any new school out there? member logged out for privacy