The Kid That Constantly Riles Up The Other Kids

[Blackcat31]

Thanks for making me feel like a shitty provider. I thoroughly appreciate your unhelpful input.

This right here ^^ is what bothers me most about this job and this discussion board.

You (the OP) asked for advice.
A poster gave advice...advice I agree with and the only thing that is taken from what she said is that she made you feel like a bad provider?
It's not about you. It's about the child and what's best for her.

The behavior of children in our care is NOT always a direct reflection of the type of provider we are or aren't. The most difficult kids teach us the most and sometimes some kids are simply not the right fit for some programs.

The poster that replied didn't say anything personal about you at all. The post was actually very relevant and was along the lines of what I would have said too.

She wasn't trying to make you feel like a shitty provider.
I am sorry that her post made you feel like that. :hug:
Knowing the poster as I do, I am confident that was not her intent at all.

Clearly she was simply saying what you ended up realizing anyways... that your program might not be the best environment for this child.

She’s two. You’re setting her for failure. You need to rethink you’re profession. She needs to be allowed to be two without fear of punishment.

This (the bolded) however was unnecessary and very unhelpful.

Just because one child doesn't do well in one environment does not mean the provider needs to rethink her entire profession.

That's a huge stretch and a really rude statement to make to someone that is trying to navigate the situation. She didn't post venting about the child, she posted asking for advice on what to do about the situation.

Telling someone else to rethink their profession is childish and immature not to mention just plain rude.

[littlefriends]

Then you may need to consider letting her go. Clearly she needs something different. :hug: It isn't a failure, some kids simply do better in large centers. They just do. I've sent a few there, myself, they thrived.

Introverts do better in small in-home care, extroverts do better in larger centers with larger groups of peers. Some people require so much attention that it is too much for a small group to provide. My bet is you can name a few adults you know like that, they started as kids too. :hug:

This!!!

[daycarediva]

It sounds like it is just not a good fit.

Is she sensory seeking? Can you have her do heavy lifting work, use a lightly weighted blanket, high chair or booster for meals (heck even stories as we can use it for 15 minutes outside of meal times).

I agree that although this may sound like typical 2yo behavior, it sounds like the provider is saying it's in excess- to the point the child cannot participate in the program. Imho- it isn't a failure on your part, just not a good fit. I run a preschool program and all of my 2's (even new ones) can sit for short periods (10-15 minutes for a book, fingerplay, song, and then we get up for a movement activity before they get a 'brain break' for some free play/centers)

[Valerie928]

This right here ^^ is what bothers me most about this job and this discussion board.

You (the OP) asked for advice.
A poster gave advice...advice I agree with and the only thing that is taken from what she said is that she made you feel like a bad provider?
It's not about you. It's about the child and what's best for her.

The behavior of children in our care is NOT always a direct reflection of the type of provider we are or aren't. The most difficult kids teach us the most and sometimes some kids are simply not the right fit for some programs.

The poster that replied didn't say anything personal about you at all. The post was actually very relevant and was along the lines of what I would have said too.

She wasn't trying to make you feel like a shitty provider.
I am sorry that her post made you feel like that. :hug:
Knowing the poster as I do, I am confident that was not her intent at all.

Clearly she was simply saying what you ended up realizing anyways... that your program might not be the best environment for this child.





This (the bolded) however was unnecessary and very unhelpful.

Just because one child doesn't do well in one environment does not mean the provider needs to rethink her entire profession.

That's a huge stretch and a really rude statement to make to someone that is trying to navigate the situation. She didn't post venting about the child, she posted asking for advice on what to do about the situation.

Telling someone else to rethink their profession is childish and immature not to mention just plain rude.

OP here, I didn't mean to take offense to the comment about my program not being good for the child. I was offended about the part where she said she was a mother and that she would be upset if her kid was alone in time out. I too am a mom. I never leave my kids or dck alone or in time out all day. I would never do such a thing.

[Ariana]

I would just side step the drama and just listen to the heart of what is being said. Some people say things a little more blunt than others and forums are not always good for deciphering tone and intent :hug:

Can you possibly set up an indoor swing or some other form of physical stuff? If you are licensed maybe find out what you can legally have. I am legally unlicensed so I have a trampoline, a swing, giant bean bag mats and I just ordered steps and a slide made of foam. I have all toddlers and this is literally all they do all day. Run back and forth with carts and strollers and swing, jump and roll around. Inside, outside no matter where or how much they have already done. I wish I could bottle up their energy and drink it in the morning ::

[Blackcat31]

OP here, I didn't mean to take offense to the comment about my program not being good for the child. I was offended about the part where she said she was a mother and that she would be upset if her kid was alone in time out. I too am a mom. I never leave my kids or dck alone or in time out all day. I would never do such a thing.

I understand what you are saying but she didn't say anything close to you being a bad provider or that you leave your DCK's or children alone or in time out all day.

She said:

. I am sad that she is constantly in time out or alone.

I would be sad too if any child is constantly in time out or alone.

She did not state that you left her in time out alone all day.


She also said:

As a mom, I would be sad to hear that a very active child is being forced to sit in time out.

As a mom, I would think that any of us would be upset or sad to know our very active child is forced to sit in time out.



Look, I totally see how you were hurt by what was said but I think you reacted with emotion before actually hearing what she was saying.

I get it.

I react with emotion too at times but I've learned to take a step back and re-read or replay what was posted or said to me. Often times my emotions cloud the actual message and that is what I think happened here.

Knowing lblanke as a long standing member of this forum I am betting she did not in any way mean to imply you were a bad provider.

[Valerie928]

I understand what you are saying but she didn't say anything close to you being a bad provider or that you leave your DCK's or children alone or in time out all day.

She said:



I would be sad too if any child is constantly in time out or alone.

She did not state that you left her in time out alone all day.


She also said:



As a mom, I would think that any of us would be upset or sad to know our very active child is forced to sit in time out.



Look, I totally see how you were hurt by what was said but I think you reacted with emotion before actually hearing what she was saying.

I get it.

I react with emotion too at times but I've learned to take a step back and re-read or replay what was posted or said to me. Often times my emotions cloud the actual message and that is what I think happened here.

Knowing lblanke as a long standing member of this forum I am betting she did not in any way mean to imply you were a bad provider.

Ok, cool

[knoxmomof2]

It sounds like you've tried a lot of ways to work this out. At this point, I would say she needs something different. No shame in that. I struggle with managing hyper, super active or extremely stubborn DCKs. All kids have their moments where they test boundaries and such, and I deal with those developmental stages just fine. My home is just more laid back. Even our dogs are laid back.. Lol.... I enjoy working with children who can learn and respect rules and boundaries, have age appropriate self control, are able to sit and play with their friends during free play or a focused activity like sensory boxes and can sit and eat lunch without going crazy. Again, age appropriate expectations here. I've done this for 7 years and have had plenty of 2 year olds who have fit that bill.

I've had a couple of the more hyper, impulsive kids and once they turn about 4, I recommend they move on to Preschool. By then, they're getting countless time outs each day and the parents and I have worked on their behavior together. Everyone is on board by then.

My own 16 year old son has ADD and I homeschool both of my teens. Believe me when I say it has been a struggle for he and I to come to a place of harmony - but he's my child. I have to love him and work with him (haha..). Daycare is a completely different story and if it becomes in my best interest to send them on their way (and honestly, it's in their best interest as well at that point), then I do it and don't feel bad about it. We're just not a good fit.

My hardest daycare kid started with me at 11 months old. I've also provided care for several of his younger siblings since he left. His parents thought a private preschool was going to be THE answer to his needs. A couple of years later, they were saying "we think public school is more what he needs". So, it's clear they are still trying to find a good fit for him several years later. We actually started homeschooling because we knew our son would struggle in a traditional learning environment.

[lblanke]

No offense or disrespect was intended. One teacher may be perfect for many children, but some kids are not a good fit for the program.

You may even be the perfect provider for that child if you had a different mix of kids. Group dynamics is a very interesting phenomenon. I simply meant that your program might not be the best fit for her at this time. My own child had a teacher who was amazing. She had a set of boy/girl twins. The class was super busy. It was perfect for the girl and overwhelming for the boy. She was the perfect teacher for the girl, but it was not the right program for her twin. It really was not an indictment of you or your program.

I also see that I misread the original post a bit...I read it as she was constantly in time out...but you said she constantly riles the other kids in your group and time out and alone time are not helpful. I do think busy kids need lots of free play, wereas some kids need more structure and down time.


BTW-I was not the unregistered poster who made the additional comment.

[Valerie928]

No offense or disrespect was intended. One teacher may be perfect for many children, but some kids are not a good fit for the program.

You may even be the perfect provider for that child if you had a different mix of kids. Group dynamics is a very interesting phenomenon. I simply meant that your program might not be the best fit for her at this time. My own child had a teacher who was amazing. She had a set of boy/girl twins. The class was super busy. It was perfect for the girl and overwhelming for the boy. She was the perfect teacher for the girl, but it was not the right program for her twin. It really was not an indictment of you or your program.

I also see that I misread the original post a bit...I read it as she was constantly in time out...but you said she constantly riles the other kids in your group and time out and alone time are not helpful. I do think busy kids need lots of free play, wereas some kids need more structure and down time.


BTW-I was not the unregistered poster who made the additional comment.

I understand where you were coming from😊

[CeriBear]

Just because a particular child isn’t a good fit for a program doesn’t mean the provider is in the wrong profession. It’s the same way with daycare teachers. Some providers prefer to work from home and wouldn’t fit well working in a large center while with others it’s the opposite. I absolutely love teaching preschool and working with another teacher and 15+ kids. I don’t think I could handle opening my home every day to care for children but I admire those who do.

Children are sometimes not a great fit for a particular program. I had a 4yo last year who was very social and active and his parents chose our large center because he hadn’t done well at a small home based daycare. This child was a true extrovert, very active, very smart, and needed to burn off energy. He did have to learn that there were times he had to sit still and listen but he did eventually thrive in our center and became something of a class leader. He was one of the oldest in the class and the other kids looked up to him.

I don’t know how to give advice because I don’t have much experience with toddlers and twos but maybe you could plan some more active games throughout the day. As to running inside I always tell them “we use our walking feet inside to be safe. Ms. Ceri wants all her friends to be safe.”

I hope things get better for you and this child.