Child That Doesn't Play

[e.j.]

I suspect he may have something going on as well. He has other issues like repeating things over and over, can't/won't look at you when you talk to him, gets stuck on things until it's almost obsessive, etc. For instance he will ask me anywhere from 10-30 times a day who is picking him up. His new thing is to ask me over and over if it's 9:00. He seems to have trouble learning also. I've been working with him since the first of Nov. on colors and he's managed to learn ONE! And he can't tell you that consistently.

Are the parents aware of these issues? Have you suggested to them that he be evaluated? If it were me, I'd ask that they mention your concerns to his pediatrician to see what his doctor thinks.

[gonecrazy]

Unless there is some sort of disability, children ARE born with the ability to play. They need plenty of opportunities, nurturing, and space to foster it, yes. But it does not need to be taught. Children who have been given the space to explore without adult interruption will know how to play just fine. Babies participate in the earliest forms of play by reaching for their toes, looking at objects, and interacting with their favorite adults. We didn't teach them to do that, it just happens. An otherwise typically developing child who doesn't know how to play has probably been in an environment where the adult takes the lead on play or they are not allowed to play freely under their own terms consistently. Or probably more likely,are used to being entertained by electronics. None of my other kids have been taught to play. I provide the toys, the environment, and the boundaries, and they do the rest!

I agree completely! Children do know instinctively how to play unless there is a disability or some other issue. I have had children in my care for 29 years and have never once had to teach one how to play!

[gonecrazy]

Then that is his choice.

If he is whining/crying he goes to the calm down spot (soft seating/books/puzzles on rug). If he is blocking other kids he goes to another center rug (blocks work great).

No couch sitting allowed. Living room furniture is for adults. Kids play on rugs or kids tables indoors.

Do you have the tv on during the day?

I don't run a center, I just provide care in my home. It's a very laid back atmosphere where I care for children like I did my own. It's very family based with me cooking, doing housework, baking, etc. while the children are here. Kind of a home away from home so to speak. So yes, the tv is on a lot of the time. Some cartoons that are age appropriate, some shows like the Waltons, etc. Until about 2 weeks ago he paid very little attention to it though. He is now wanting to watch Paw Patrol all the time but I limit it and have been turning the tv completely off at times when I feel he is too involved in it.

[gonecrazy]

Are the parents aware of these issues? Have you suggested to them that he be evaluated? If it were me, I'd ask that they mention your concerns to his pediatrician to see what his doctor thinks.

Yes they are aware.

[Cat Herder]

I don't run a center, I just provide care in my home. It's a very laid back atmosphere where I care for children like I did my own. It's very family based with me cooking, doing housework, baking, etc. while the children are here. Kind of a home away from home so to speak. So yes, the tv is on a lot of the time. Some cartoons that are age appropriate, some shows like the Waltons, etc. Until about 2 weeks ago he paid very little attention to it though. He is now wanting to watch Paw Patrol all the time but I limit it and have been turning the tv completely off at times when I feel he is too involved in it.

Got it.

I don't run a center either, we are just no longer allowed to operate like you do. Our regs mandate only 30 minutes of screen time per week (specific programming), none for under two, play centers, kid furniture, supply lists, curriculum, lesson plans, assessments, the works. It started with QRIS but then was worked into basic regulations.

You have a lot more freedom.

[Annalee]

This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie?:confused: In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.

[gonecrazy]

Got it.

I don't run a center either, we are just no longer allowed to operate like you do. Our regs mandate only 30 minutes of screen time per week (specific programming), none for under two, play centers, kid furniture, supply lists, curriculum, lesson plans, assessments, the works. It started with QRIS but then was worked into basic regulations.

You have a lot more freedom.

Yes I do thankfully. So many parents in my area want this type of care and I turn down several families each year because I don't want to run a center with multiple children, regulations, etc. I like to keep it very small and family based. I do teach things like colors, counting, recognizing numbers, letters and shapes, etc. but in a laid back way. We have rules and I insist on manners! They even help with chores like folding laundry, sweeping the floor, etc. He is just a different kind of child than I have ever known and it makes me feel like I am not doing my job although I know that's silly because I absolutely am! I go above and beyond for my kiddos! I have changed a lot of how I do things for this one but it just doesn't seem to click. I guess I just need to let him sit and do his thing and not worry about it so much.

[gonecrazy]

This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie?:confused: In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.

Yes! I see this in my daycare kiddos as well. No one stays home and just lets the kids play! It's constant sports, outings, etc. There is no family down time anymore!! And this particular little one has had very little as far as rules and boundaries. He came to me at a year old having never been made to nap, etc. I have rules here but it's been my observation from years of experience that kids act like they are allowed to act at home! They will think those rules should apply everywhere and push your limits constantly if they differ. It's hard caring for other people's kids!

[Ms.Kay]

This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie?:confused: In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had these kids the last 5 years. ..and one in care now. She will stand in the play house..or sit in a coup care for the 3 hrs we are outside. I have tried to engage her in the sand box...water play....bubbles...chalk...catch..obstacle course...you name it...she will just stand there with her hands clenched to her chest . She will.not move unless I physically take her hand and move her.. unfortunately I have been dismissed as "just a babysitter" whenever I broach the subject to a parent.....even with my 3 decades if childcare experience. So know I leave it for a parent to figure out.

[Unregistered]

The knowledge about how to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 times a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.

Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?

[Ariana]

My husband and I were chatting about this last night. My general theory is that todays world is geared for saturation of dopamine in the neural pathways. A young brain gets so used to these dopamine “hits” it is next to impossible to recreate it with real life events like simple play. Play just cannot compete with an unbalanced brain. They have decreased attention spans and less interest in normal every day life.

I know you mean well with the TV on all day but studies have shown that it decreases cognitive ability even if it is just background noise. I have a 2 yr old who comes from a home where the tv is on all day as background. She definitely has decreased cognitive abilities. Could it be genetic? Sure, but most 2 yr olds can understand simple directions like “throw this in the garbage” and understand that the toilet is not the garbage because you have shown them 10+ times.

The kids I have gravitate towards the swing, trampoline and any toys I have that make noise. When I turn off the sound on the rocket ship, they lose their interest. It is never ending button pushing. When I see pictures of them at home they have so many toys with lights, sounds, vibrations....all to give them their dopamine hit. Manufacturers want your kids addicted to this stuff so you will buy more and tell your friends how long little Johnny played with it. This is why Waldorf schools do not allow these types of toys.

[gonecrazy]

My husband and I were chatting about this last night. My general theory is that todays world is geared for saturation of dopamine in the neural pathways. A young brain gets so used to these dopamine “hits” it is next to impossible to recreate it with real life events like simple play. Play just cannot compete with an unbalanced brain. They have decreased attention spans and less interest in normal every day life.

I know you mean well with the TV on all day but studies have shown that it decreases cognitive ability even if it is just background noise. I have a 2 yr old who comes from a home where the tv is on all day as background. She definitely has decreased cognitive abilities. Could it be genetic? Sure, but most 2 yr olds can understand simple directions like “throw this in the garbage” and understand that the toilet is not the garbage because you have shown them 10+ times.

The kids I have gravitate towards the swing, trampoline and any toys I have that make noise. When I turn off the sound on the rocket ship, they lose their interest. It is never ending button pushing. When I see pictures of them at home they have so many toys with lights, sounds, vibrations....all to give them their dopamine hit. Manufacturers want your kids addicted to this stuff so you will buy more and tell your friends how long little Johnny played with it. This is why Waldorf schools do not allow these types of toys.

I don't think the tv has anything to do with it. I raised my own kids with the tv on most all the time (hubby is addicted LOL) and they are two of the smartest, most well rounded, well functioning adults I know. Same with all of the other daycare families I have had over the years. I think his issues are just that...his issues. He is this way with or without the tv on. We haven't had it on all day and he has barely moved all day. We had it on all day Tuesday and he barely moved all day. I also have very few toys that make noise. I think all that I have are vehicles like a Little People airplane, etc. We have no tablets, etc. I do vehicles of all kinds, basic dolls, Legos, etc. He is used to big entertainment at home. He actually asks his mom every evening "what we gonna do today?" They are NEVER home. She takes him to visit someone, to town, for a ride on some type of something they own every single evening and on weekends.

[Annalee]

I agree, I think screen time of any kind has little to do with it. In the old days, families sat together for at least one meal a day. I think we can start there for this issue. And then things started to spiral and everyone is just scrambling now to "fix" things or do things that make them feel better as a parent. Just my opinions!

[gonecrazy]

I agree, I think screen time of any kind has little to do with it. In the old days, families sat together for at least one meal a day. I think we can start there for this issue. And then things started to spiral and everyone is just scrambling now to "fix" things or do things that make them feel better as a parent. Just my opinions!

I think most of all I feel sad for him. He just sits. And sometimes pouts and/or cries. For no reason at all. He's not a snuggly kid at all so holding him to comfort him isn't an option either really. And if I'm perfectly honest I am a little sad for me too I think. I LOVE interacting with kids and doing crafts and baking and snuggling. And none of those things happen with him. But I will just have to adjust to his normal I guess and make the best of it lovethis

[Annalee]

I think most of all I feel sad for him. He just sits. And sometimes pouts and/or cries. For no reason at all. He's not a snuggly kid at all so holding him to comfort him isn't an option either really. And if I'm perfectly honest I am a little sad for me too I think. I LOVE interacting with kids and doing crafts and baking and snuggling. And none of those things happen with him. But I will just have to adjust to his normal I guess and make the best of it lovethis

I love my kids in care as well, but this is a business.. we offer a safe/nurturing service but we aren't their parents. As much as I love my job, if I inherited a bunch of money, I would quit immediately