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I provide care for family/friends only. I prefer to keep it to one family at a time but at times will work with two. Right now I have a 2 1/2 year old in my care 7:30-5, Mon-Fri. This child has a lot of issues that I can deal with. But one that bothers me is he won't play. He is constantly entertained at home and I suspect when he is with grandparents it's the same. There is never a time that they just stay home and chill. He comes in in the mornings and just sits. Sits and stares at me or stares into space. His new thing this week is he wants on the couch. ALL...DAY...LONG! Just sitting there like an old man. (We've had issues with him regarding my couch in the past so this is why it's a new thing now. I've just started letting him sit there again.) I have had children in my care for 29 years and he's a first for me. If there is another child here he will play as long as they are entertaining him in some way. If I attempt to get in the floor and play with him he just ignores me. He is this way outside too. Will beg to go out but then just sits unless someone is pulling him in the wagon, etc. He has NO interest in doing anything really. Attempts at crafting are met with him throwing screaming, horrific tantrums. He wants no part of fun things like making cookies, etc. He wants no part of learning colors or singing songs or anything really. Do I just let him sit? He is with me at all times and I interact with him constantly! I try and try to get him to get up and do things and I have a lot of toys that should inspire play. Telling him to get up and find a toy to play with just brings on pouting and crying. Everyone tells me to let him sit if that is what he wants but the mothering instinct in me wants to do things with him and teach him things and have fun!
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Attempt to engage him at first, when he resists say "okay, well I'll be over here doing such and such. If you change your mind, let me know. Now go find a toy." Walk away and busy yourself with something. I'd try that once an hour, maybe at first until you get a feel for how it goes and adjust accordingly but don't drive yourself crazy trying to entertain him- especially if he isn't interested in what you're offering. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, as they say. Also, maybe make a rule that in order to sit on the couch he has to bring a toy with him, or revoke his couch privileges if you feel like that's standing in the way of him finding something to do.
I know it's incredibly irritating to watch a child just sit there when they're surrounded by things to do, but once they're old enough to understand "go find a toy", I don't worry about it. If they don't move, I just say "okay, well you're going to be pretty bored there" and then move on. This is during freeplay times when they're expected to self entertain. I think it's an important aspect of the day, especially considering how little self entertaining kids do today. I think electronics have their place, but do does being able to sit and build a tower with wooden blocks. -
You are so lucky to only have experienced this once in 29 years!!!!
The only thing that has worked for me is to busy myself and ignore. He is the boss of what he wants to do and I can’t control him, obviously trying to get him to play is not working. It is so hard I totally get it!!!
Many kids come from homes with tv on 24/7, push button toys, YouTube etc so when they come to my house they are not sure what to do. Allow the boredom and he will start using his brain eventually. I also find many kids respond like this when they have anxiety issues.Comment
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This has been going on for a year. I try every single day to get him to get up and move around and play. My attempts are usually met with his bottom lip out and crying. If I say "get up and find a toy to play with" he will scoot his butt over a little bit then pout and cry. And getting busy myself just leads to him running over and demanding to go where ever I am or demanding to be picked up. He wants to be constantly entertained and to be the total and complete center of attention at all times.Comment
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I had a kid a few years ago that I suspected had ASD and he was similar. Would literally stand in one place doing nothing. Sometimes he would lie in the floor doing nothing. Of course there were other red flags!Comment
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Before I quit daycare,I had a child just like this. When I would tell him to get a toy, he would either ignore me or cry. When he would finally get a toy, he would not play with it. He would just hold it or fiddle with it repetitively. He was very, very babied at home, but he had other issues too that made me feel like he had autism or a mild developmental disorder. He would always hold his fingers in the "ok" sign with his thumb touching his pointer finger. He was so resistant to open his fingers. He also relied heavily on routines and had to come in the exact same way and do the exact same thing at the exact time every day or he would have a major tantrum. He was only 2! I also had a no couch rule as he would just sit there for hours staring if I let him even though I never had the TV on. He also wouldn't communicate basic wants and needs. If he wanted more food, he would just stare at me or start crying. No pointing or indicating an any way that he wanted something. I was so happy to get out of that situation because I did not want to be blamed for the troubles he was going to have once he started preschool.Comment
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I suspect he may have something going on as well. He has other issues like repeating things over and over, can't/won't look at you when you talk to him, gets stuck on things until it's almost obsessive, etc. For instance he will ask me anywhere from 10-30 times a day who is picking him up. His new thing is to ask me over and over if it's 9:00. He seems to have trouble learning also. I've been working with him since the first of Nov. on colors and he's managed to learn ONE! And he can't tell you that consistently.Comment
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He talks very well and communicates what he wants or needs. However he has trouble understanding directions. He still struggles at times with diaper changes. He will come and lay down on his stomach. Or he will lay with his head near me instead of his feet. There are times he will come and stand and I can see the struggle as he is trying to figure out how to do it. He doesn't look and focus on you when you talk to him. He repeats things on and on until you tell him to stop, etc.Comment
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The ability to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 time a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.
Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?Comment
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As I introduce new toys to the group and new kids to the toys, I model their intended use. I simply pick up the toy, sit on a rug and play with it a couple of minutes. I then put it away and go back to my desk. I don't have to do anything else. Nature does give them natural curiosity.
I also never buy just one of any free play toy, I make sure there are enough for everyone. The individual play toys only come out during individual playtimes or this method would cause chaos. :
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- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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He does know how to play. There are days when he will come in and play just fine. It's just very rare. He can also play when other kids are here. And myself and my husband have both tried to "teach him". He either totally ignores us (will turn his back on us) or throws a tantrum. I think there are other issues that lead to this problem along with constantly being entertained in big ways at home. It's definitely not an issue of not knowing how.Comment
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He knows how to play with everything here. I had a five year old daycare child here on Fridays all of last school year and during the summer. Every single toy has been played with multiple times in front of or by 2 year old. He knows how to play. He just rarely chooses to do it.As I introduce new toys to the group and new kids to the toys, I model their intended use. I simply pick up the toy, sit on a rug and play with it a couple of minutes. I then put it away and go back to my desk. I don't have to do anything else. Nature does give them natural curiosity.
I also never buy just one of any free play toy, I make sure there are enough for everyone. The individual play toys only come out during individual playtimes or this method would cause chaos. ::Comment
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Unless there is some sort of disability, children ARE born with the ability to play. They need plenty of opportunities, nurturing, and space to foster it, yes. But it does not need to be taught. Children who have been given the space to explore without adult interruption will know how to play just fine. Babies participate in the earliest forms of play by reaching for their toes, looking at objects, and interacting with their favorite adults. We didn't teach them to do that, it just happens. An otherwise typically developing child who doesn't know how to play has probably been in an environment where the adult takes the lead on play or they are not allowed to play freely under their own terms consistently. Or probably more likely,are used to being entertained by electronics. None of my other kids have been taught to play. I provide the toys, the environment, and the boundaries, and they do the rest!Comment
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Then that is his choice.
If he is whining/crying he goes to the calm down spot (soft seating/books/puzzles on rug). If he is blocking other kids he goes to another center rug (blocks work great).
No couch sitting allowed. Living room furniture is for adults. Kids play on rugs or kids tables indoors.
Do you have the tv on during the day?- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.Comment
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