Potty Training Question...

[Unregistered]

Regular potty breaks through out the day is common in most child care programs that I am familiar with.

I don't take anyone to the bathroom but we certainly have times during the day where everyone has the opportunity to use the bathroom during times we transition from one activity to another.

The kids are also free to use the bathroom when they feel the need to, on their own without asking me. They just go in and do their thing.

I do agree with you that your provider is responsible for ALL children in care and in my opinion what you are asking isn't that big of a deal...

I remind kids to get a tissue when I see them picking their nose, I remind them to cover their mouth when coughing/sneezing, I remind them to keep their hands to themselves, to use their words and not their hands, to play nicely or to clean up or settle down etc. I also praise positive behaviors I see throughout the day so it is absolutely not outside the realm of possibilities for your provider to prompt your child to use the bathroom if he is doing the potty dance. Her response was odd in my opinion as well.

I don't know but it almost feels like your providers response wasn't really about reminding your son or about her being busy with her nephew/infant (at 7 months, they can entertain themselves while she provides for the others and don't require being held the entire day). It almost feels like maybe she just didn't like being asked/told to do something...kind of like a power struggle for control.

I've seen many providers react with resistance to a parent simply because of issues with control or "who's in charge" type feelings. Hoping that makes sense.

Wondering however, what was the issue that occurred that led up to you and your provider having this discussion? How did you ask her to remind your child or rather what was the question? What was the conversation between you two that this came to light?

Hopefully I tagged this correctly. I apologize if I did not.

Just in case it was missed, my provider cares for my son one day per week (I only need one day for my work). A bit before he turned 3, she would ask about potty training. I had been working on it beforehand, but not full on. Once he turned 3 (or maybe a month before) I really worked on it- taking him every 20 minutes or so to the toilet. So, for 3-4 months he has been fully trained at home. I kept bringing him in pull-ups and I would ask how he did (not mentioning anything about asking her to take him to the toilet or ask him to go). It was during this time frame that he was still coming home in a soaked pull-up. I was surprised that he was taking so long to train. The week before last was when she randomly told me she sees him doing the potty dance. I didn’t say anything to that, but that is what got me thinking he must be holding it for quite some time to get to that point. When I went to pick him up last week, I mentioned that he may be too shy or quiet to ask (trying to figure out, as his mother, why he isn’t using the toilet and coming home soaked still after 3-4 months). That’s when I asked her is she could possibly tell him to use the toilet (at least he would go sit on the toilet to try). In my mind, I pictured during a transitional time. For instance.... after or before snack, saying... “okay, it’s bathroom time”, or something on those lines. That’s when she said she was busy with her grandson, who is on the verge of walking. Again... if I had a 4 year old, maybe I would feel different, but I didn’t think it was an over the top request to ask a 3.3 year old to go sit on the toilet, clearly if he is in need of using it.

And I completely understand that it may be a control thing for the provider. I know you don’t know me, but I am one of the most responsible, but easy going people out there. I worked as a nanny for so long and I have been micromanaged- so I avoid doing that to other people. And because i have worked with many unpleasant families, I always used the Moto - I want to raise children that other adults don’t mind being around. So, I don’t think it is a resentment thing. She has told me my child is very well-behaved. Not perfect with me (of course), but he is a good boy in general. And my older son went to a provider, who retired, so I understand how daycares work a bit. I literally just asked her is she wouldn’t mind telling him, that maybe it would help with moving forward. I have never asked for another request before. 🤷*♀️

[Unregistered]

Stop taking him when he is at home and see what happens. If he is indeed fully potty trained as you assert then he will begin asking to go and will gain confidence over his own bodily functions and his ability to self advocate when he needs to go to the bathroom. Maybe he simply needs more practice in recognizing his body signals and then asking to go. Even an introverted child will ask to go to the bathroom.

He does go on his own. He will tell us he has to go- he makes an announcement to us for whatever reason. And we send him on his way. He had a hard time reaching to sit on the toilet at first, but he is much better about scooting on it now. I wanted to be in there more (in the beginning), so he was aimed into the toilet properly. He also goes on his own outside too (our house is private, so it isn’t too much of a big deal to go outside at home).

[Unregistered]

If your provider is telling you she cannot take him all the time then that is what you have to work with unless you find other care. What I do personally should not have any impact.

It sounds to me like your child is not potty trained at all and is waiting for an adult to tell him when to go. Your provider is likely trying to send you a message that this is the case. I do not bring kids to the toilet either. When they are potty trained enough to be out of a pullup they go on their own completely. I come in to help wipe a BM but that is it. If a child never asks to go and soaks a pullup every day they are not potty trained. The only reason he is dry at your house is because you are in control of his bodily functions.

Hello, I answered below, but he has been going on his own for about 1.5 to 2 months. Potty trained for a total of 3-4 months. He tells us he has to go and goes in on his own. I’ve nannied for over 20
Years and have helped multiple children potty train (plus I have a 9 year old son). My child wears underwear at all
Times with no accidents. I don’t Prompt him to go to the toilet either.

[Mom2Two]

When kids here are at that stage, I have them go at regular intervals--usually the same time I am doing routine diaper changes (I check and change for wetness every two hours).

If he needed help navigating the toilet, I would help him until he was able to be more self-sufficient. I don't potty train, but I do support it.

I think that most professional home providers have their own sticking points about different issues. But with so many who actually will DO potty training for parents, it sounds funny to me that your provider doesn't even want to verbally give a reminder.