Demanding Email From Ex-DD

[Dsquared]

Hello ladies,

I received an annoying email from one of my ex DD’s. He decided to pull the kids from me at the beginning of March. I had been taking care of the kids full time for 4 years. He and his wife share 50/50 custody of their kids and are currently going through a terrible custody battle. His wife chose to keep the kids with me on her days with the kids. They are only with me one day a week one week and 2 days a week the next week. I lost a big part of my income when they left. He must feel that I have taken sides with her because he has been cold towards me on the few occasions I have seen him. When the kids left and started the new daycare I continued to send the DD text messages and updates in a group text with his ex. One day I got a text from his new wife asking me to stop communications with him because of a restraining order his ex wife took out against him so I completely stopped texting updates and pictures. I should add he rarely responded to any of my pictures or updates to begin with. Then I received this email from him last night:

“Please provide me with daily reports and pictures of son and daughter dating back to March 4, 2019. I also would appreciate any updates regarding the children's health.

KinderCare provides daily reports to “mom” therefore, my request is reasonable.”

I spoke to his wife and kindercare only gives her a report when she picks them up the one or 2 days a week and she doesn’t get any pictures at all. How should I respond to his demanding email? I feel I owe him nothing and he doesn’t pay me anymore.

Thanks for any advice!

[Unregistered]

You have no obligation to this family as they are no longer in your care. You should tell him that you do not keep reports once they are sent out and if he wants them, he can get them from his ex-wife.

[Alwaysgreener]

I think that this leans more towards a legal question. I recommend you ask Tom Copeland. He is very quick at responding, he may even respond to this post.

https://www.tomcopelandblog.com

Personally, I don't feel that what mom gets from the other DC should matter. It should be what your policy are? DCM needs to take that up with the other DC or her lawyer. Your business should stay neutral.

You could respond with, "I would be happy to send you updates going forward, I am glad you have changed your mind. Please allow me a few days for the changes to your account to take effect. Thank you and have a nice day."

Make sure you saved the text from the new wife about stopping the updates. (I am confused why a restraining order would I involve getting updates about your kids)

As for back dating notifications, he either needs to sue you or pay you for your time, since it was his wife that cancelled the updates. My Dr office charges $5 a page.
If he ask for them you could respond with, since you requested to no longer receive updates and you are not a paying client, there will be a fee of $5 per item that you are requesting, paid in advance. Please send $xxx to me and I will be happy to get that started. Please note that there is a six to eight week turn around on them.

Also, DD normally means Dear Daughter. DCD means Day Care Dad. You can ask Michael or black cat to correct it.

[Blackcat31]

I would disregard the email all together.

You have no obligation to him whatsoever.

I wouldn't mention it to mom nor would I reply.

I would delete and move on with my day.

There is nothing that says you MUST legally comply with anything he asks.

He is not a client of yours.

[Meeko]

He is not your client..the mother is.

I give reports and photos to clients only.

He is absolutely entitled to see them...and he can get them from the mother. If she is difficult about it, he can take her to court. Not your issue.

I let parents know in no uncertain terms that I won't be part of their crap. Not my responsibility to tend them as well as the kids. I won't double my work making two of everything or sending things twice etc. I refuse to be a pawn between two feuding parents.

Put this back on them. They made the mess. They can deal with it.

[knoxmomof2]

I'm curious to know the legal side of this, but I can't imagine being required to work for someone that doesn't pay you. If you are somehow legally required, I would definitely be charging a fee!

If I were required to do so, I personally would ask him what the heck was up with the message from the new wife. :confused:

[Blackcat31]

I'm curious to know the legal side of this, but I can't imagine being required to work for someone that doesn't pay you. If you are somehow legally required, I would definitely be charging a fee!

If I were required to do so, I personally would ask him what the heck was up with the message from the new wife. :confused:

Anything the provider would be required to provide to a non-client in regards to the children would have to be included in the custody order.

That is usually what dictates what we must/must not comply with. If the custody order states each parent can choose their own child care solution it would seem odd that it would require both providers to have to share...

I would think the custody order would say the PARENT must share with the other so if DCD wants info it should come from the DCM not the provider.

[LostMyMarbles]

I would disregard the email all together.

You have no obligation to him whatsoever.

I wouldn't mention it to mom nor would I reply.

I would delete and move on with my day.

There is nothing that says you MUST legally comply with anything he asks.

He is not a client of yours.

This! If you still have the kids on MOM’S day, you communicate with mom only. I had a situation like this recently. Mom was mad I would not terminate her ex husband’s-best friend’s family from my care. She pulled care on her days. I have the kids on Dads days. I made it clear I will only communicate with HIM. I have her blocked on my phone. Touched control freak.

[LittleExplorers]

Sounds like he is on a fishing expedition against mom with the health comment. I would seek legal advice or check with Tom Copeland as others have mentioned, but I would not send him anything and state the reason he ceased to get reports was due to his wife. Make it clear you will not get in the middle so you can discourage a court subpoena in their battle.

[Dsquared]

I think I will not even respond for now like blackcat said. I have no obligation to him since he is no longer a client. If he keeps bothering me I’m going to tell him he needs to get the info from his wife. Thanks for all the great advice. I would have terminated the mom to relieve myself of all the drama but I have been having the most difficult time ever since starting daycare filling spots. I may have to end up getting a job outside of the home!! Thanks everyone!

[sharlan]

Personally, I would not respond. I would ignore his request.

[DaveA]

Like others said- ignore it.

[Mom2Two]

I would disregard the email all together.

You have no obligation to him whatsoever.

I wouldn't mention it to mom nor would I reply.

I would delete and move on with my day.

There is nothing that says you MUST legally comply with anything he asks.

He is not a client of yours.

Yep. Don't worry about the legality. You are not legally obligated, but if you were you'd be reading it in a doc signed by a judge.

[Alwaysgreener]

I think that this leans more towards a legal question. I recommend you ask Tom Copeland. He is very quick at responding, he may even respond to this post.

https://www.tomcopelandblog.com

Personally, I don't feel that what mom gets from the other DC should matter. It should be what your policy are? DCM needs to take that up with the other DC or her lawyer. Your business should stay neutral.

You could respond with, "I would be happy to send you updates going forward, I am glad you have changed your mind. Please allow me a few days for the changes to your account to take effect. Thank you and have a nice day."

Make sure you saved the text from the new wife about stopping the updates. (I am confused why a restraining order would I involve getting updates about your kids)

As for back dating notifications, he either needs to sue you or pay you for your time, since it was his wife that cancelled the updates. My Dr office charges $5 a page.
If he ask for them you could respond with, since you requested to no longer receive updates and you are not a paying client, there will be a fee of $5 per item that you are requesting, paid in advance. Please send $xxx to me and I will be happy to get that started. Please note that there is a six to eight week turn around on them.

Also, DD normally means Dear Daughter. DCD means Day Care Dad. You can ask Michael or black cat to correct it.

Here is Tom Blog for today. Seems to fit this post or even inspired by this post.

http://tomcopelandblog.com/what-records-must-you-give-parents

[MyAngels]

I would be tempted to respond with "Sure, the fee for this service is $(the amount you lost when he pulled), payable in advance on a weekly basis. But really, I'd probably just ignore it.

I'll be curious as to what comes of this, if anything