Please Help Me Learn to Control Myself

[Core12]

Most ppl would consider me to be a talkative person. I’m ok with that in the appropriate situations. However, I want to stop talking to fill the quiet times. I talk about stuff that isn’t necessary to be “nice” I guess. But I end up saying things that are just better left unsaid at that time.
Yesterday, I told parents that we have decided to move due to the area we live in and we need more room. This is something my family just started talking about yesterday, so we have not even been approved by a bank or anything.
A parent said “I hope your new location is convenient for us.” That’s when I said, “oh, it won’t happen until at least next year.”
I feel like I play up to ppl. I want to stop and check my motives before I speak. I just get uncomfortable with the silence and feel like they will now think something is wrong if I don’t keep talking.
I will say I was proud of myself the other day when a parent (who is rude and so much “better” than me) came for pickup. She pulled in fast, got out and as usual didn’t make eye contact with me when I brought her son out. She just looked at him and asked if he was a good boy. He said, yes, I watched tv today! Usually I yell, yes, he was a good boy...blah blah blah. But I thought I’m not saying a word unless she looks at me and says something. Tired of kissing her ugly butt. I was proud of myself.
That’s all.

[Josiegirl]

Don't beat yourself up. I've done that before too. So I have no idea how to stop it once I start. :: Usually I'm either too darn quiet or else I start wagging my tongue and start saying things I know I don't need to say, or shouldn't say. The only thing I can do sometimes is slow myself down, take a breath to actually think about what's going to pop out of my mouth.

[Michael]

I use to be like that when I was young. Always trying to make conversation for what I thought others wanted to hear. It makes others think you have low self esteem but in reality you are being overly concerned for what they think. I learned to put myself and my needs first. If others don't engage, its time to move on or control the direction for the task at hand. Prioritize "you" and everything else will follow.

[Blackcat31]

A super helpful tool is to use the Traffic Light rule.

In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. So the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds— now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red.

You can google different sites and you'll find a ton of useful info regarding this method of retraining yourself to stop talking when it's not necessary.

That awkward silence really isn't all that awkward once you realize what is/isn't relevant info when conversing with clients.

[Ariana]

I had to stop doing this too! I hate awkward silences but am now at the point where I don’t care OR I talk about the weather. Weather is such a safe topic so when I feel that awkward crap coming up I say “any plans this weekend, its supposed to be nice”. Then talk about weather!

I have one mom who wants to talk about herself and her job at pickup. She never asks how her kids day went she will do an irritated “sigh” to get me to ask what’s wrong. Now that I know what she is doing I ignore her as much as is politely/professionally possible to do....by then talking about weather! I bet my families think I am a weirdo ::

[AmyKidsCo]

I'm the same, but my problem is that I don't think before speaking when a parent asks me to bend my policies.

Like when the mom of a TWTh child asked if she could switch Th for F I said "Sure no problem!" without thinking. Then kicked myself after because my policies say PT can't switch days but can add days for extra pay, so I lost extra money. I've practiced saying "Let me get back to you on that" for future questions.