Toddler Won't Let me Change Her

[Pestle]

Got a 22mo with a sloppy poop in their diaper. She has started grinning and bolting at changing time. Yesterday, she kicked me in the face while I was putting her down for a nap. Very thrashy these days.

Right now, she's slapping at my hands and trying to dig her hands into her diaper, so I told her I can change her when she doesn't hit and doesn't touch her poop, snapped her bodysuit back up, and we're at a standoff.

I'm disinclined to change a child this old while they're resisting, both because I don't want them learning it's okay for adults to mess around their genitals when they don't want it, and because I'm guaranteed to get poop all over me. Thoughts? Your practices?

(Hopefully this particular instance will be resolved before I have feedback from you guys, because she wants a chair to sit in and I'm telling her no sitting in poop.)

[Pestle]

I let her cool down, then smiled and said, "Let's try again!" and she threw herself onto the floor and started gagging herself and biting her hand. Changing on the floor has already proved a no-go due to kicking and writhing. I'm afraid the end result of the poop at this point is going to be a trip to the laundry sink for one or both of us. Hooray! happyface:dislike:

It's almost surely because the parent is traveling for work for the second time in a month. The older sibling is also having trouble today. The babysitter is older and has limited mobility so I don't think calling for pick up/changing is a good option today.

At this point I'm just complaining. There's no fix. Only poop. Alas.

[Pestle]

Eh, she finally screamed herself to exhaustion and I was able to change her on the floor like an infant. Let's hope that never ever repeats. Is that your advice/experience? Just let the big kids exhaust their big feelings until they let you change them? Or do you call for pick up?

[Cat Herder]

I just give the look, tell them to knock it off in my mom tone, then change them. If she was raising her hand to me I'd give a stern, loud, NO. The entire room would freeze as that is uncommon and very serious, here.

There is nothing wrong with a stern "No". It has saved many lives.

They can pick between green beans or sweet peas at lunch but not basic needs like a diaper change. :hug:

[littlefriends]

She sounds like a fun one to have!::
I’ve never had one that didn’t comply after I used my “I’m telling you what to do and you’d better listen” voice. I also don’t generally take littles under 2 for that reason. They’re (toddlers)just so much harder in my view-running away from you, kicking/hitting/biting, that sort of behavior. I think that I’d probably not call for pick up unless she continued hurting herself/acting out violently.

[LittleExplorers]

You just don't let them make it an option. I wonder if this little one runs the show at home. Like others said, a stern voice and diaper is changed. Sitting in poop is not an option.

[e.j.]

If an older kid consistently runs away when I try to get them over to the changing table, I give them a choice: "You can either walk over here like a big kid or I can carry you over like a baby. You have until the count of 3 to make up your mind." Usually they choose to walk over to me. If they start kicking and thrashing once they're on the table, I try a couple of times to nicely ask them to stop, explaining that they're hurting me. If they continue, I get very firm and tell them to "Stop!" or "Knock it off!" I don't usually raise my voice to the kids often so when I do, it catches their attention. I also have a basket of small toys near the changing table. I hand them one to look at and change them while their attention is on the toy.

[hwichlaz]

sloppy poop?

I'd sit on the floor with my feet on her wrists and get it done before her bottom has bloody blisters on it from marinating.

Then I'd brainstorm with her parents to find a solution.

I have a bunch of gingers here though...super sensitive skin.

[Mom2Two]

She sounds like a fun one to have!::

Yes, she does. ::


This situation kinda reminds me of the consents taught in first aid. The parent has already given you consent to change the child's diaper. It's a biological reality. You are a trusted adult. Maybe don't over-think it.

I'm not in your shoes with the thrashing child, but I know I'd probably try hand held toys, singing engaging songs, quizzing on body parts (that are above the waist) and stuff like that.

I have one lively little boy who likes to have his hands everywhere, but he's three and I quiz him like "Where's your hair? Where are your ears? " etc.

The result of this is that he has an amazing knowledge of his anatomy for a three year old. He knows exactly where his elbows and shoulders are.

[Ariana]

On the floor for a change with an interesting toy in her hand. Something really interesting that she never has access to.

[Josiegirl]

I have 2 dcks going through that right now. They just don't want to be bothered. I warn them of what we're going to do. If they cannot walk willingly, I carry them. I'll tell them it's important they stay clean so their bottom doesn't hurt. I'll do as has been suggested and give them a toy to hold or talk/sing with them, then just get it done as quickly as possible. Sometimes it feels like I'm wrangling calves but it's just something they need to have done.

[Pestle]

It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.

[Blackcat31]

:hug:

[Mom2Two]

It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.

A three year old slapped at you? Did you follow through with more than a "no"?

[hwichlaz]

It was a massive uncontrolled meltdown and all contact from me made it worse. Yes, of course she got a stern "no" when she slapped at me. She'd already passed the event horizon of freaking out just to freak out and no soothing stimulus worked. This is the same kid whose naptime wake up routine looks and sounds like night terrors.

I am really not okay with sitting on a toddler's wrists to change them.

I get that. With my little fair skinned redheaded crew though, that would result in bleeding rashes....thus neglect. It's a hard line to walk sometimes.