Annoying Family

[littlefriends]

I don’t know if this is just a vent or if I’m actually asking for advice...I’m just kind of fed up and super annoyed by this one family I have and today is extra irritating. This family has 2 kids (boys) (I have the youngest one, just turned 3 years) and are kind of unconventional. Dad is from a middle eastern country (not a big deal, just has really different parenting ideas and practices than what I’m used to) and mom works a couple hours out of town so stays overnight at work often which means I rarely deal with her so communication between the two and me is difficult at times. Dad is constantly not bringing me things I need like diapers, shoes, coat, etc Mom is the more responsible one but tells me she’s not the one that deals with the kids so asks me to tell dad what I need/want because she’s busy and won’t be around. Not only do I often have to say at drop off “hey dcd little kid needs diapers remember I asked you for them for the last 3 days in a row?? Well now I need you to go home and come back because I’m out of spares” but they’re also terrible about forgetting our parties. Christmas party we did a book exchange (had to spend less than $5) and everyone signed up to bring something small for snack or craft. They forgot. So the stuff they signed up for was missing and the other kiddo he was exchanging books with got a book from my own dd’s collection because he didn’t bring one. Today they only needed to bring an empty cereal box to decorate for Valentine goodie holder and valentine cards. They sent nothing! And mom dropped off for once and first thing she says is “Yeah, I know he’s supposed to have some but we didn’t get around to it, is it required for today?” Ugh!!! And then later texted from the car “Oops, just realized I forgot to bring the diapers in they’re sitting right here in the seat next to me”. Dad NEVER listens to me about advice-dcb was pretty sick last month and had a really high temp (staying over 102 for several days)for awhile and I said dad should check in at the ped’s office but dad says “Oh, you women just freak out over fevers, fevers are a good thing!” And gave him apple cider vinegar baths instead. Fever did eventually go away but I really didn’t need to hear that I’m an overreacting woman...

[Pestle]

That all sounds very annoying and it sounds like you've been pulled too far into their lives. What can you do to separate?

Just starting to brainstorm:

• Implement a new policy that you will notify families ONCE that diapers are running low. After that, you charge X amount per diaper that you have to use out of your own supply, due BEFORE they are allowed to drop the kids off again.
• Or provide everything yourself and just charge a set fee.
• No dropoff without weather-appropriate clothing.
• Decide how much enrichment the crafts are providing vs. how much suffering you're experiencing as you pester the families into remembering to send in supplies. Change your plans or change how you obtain the supplies to minimize your misery and maximize your craft-output-to-energy-spent ratio.
• Reduce the amount of communication between yourself and families. Maybe that means letting them know you don't respond to texts after hours. Maybe it means just ignoring anything this family sends for a while unless it's urgent. You don't need a blow-by-blow of what's going on at their home.

[Ariana]

Agree with Pestle. I would leave dcb out of all crafts that require parental input. Let the parent know why if they ask. Start supplying diapers and charge them. Term if they don’t agree.

[Mom2Two]

I would let the holiday thingie go due to dad being from a different culture. It took me a loooong time to wrap my head around the American approach to Valentine's day. I was often nervous about getting American culture wrong while DS was in high school. So many little things are different here...and I'm just from Australia.

On the other...I guess just do your best with policies and enforcing them. But I know it's frustrating. Sometimes parents just don't seem to care about the consequences of breaking a policy, and then you are left feeling like you are disciplining parents as though they are preschoolers!

With dad being the main kid caregiver, he really may never have been taught any of the little practices that many of us take forgranted. Men often do seem to have different approaches.

[amberrose3dg]

I don’t know if this is just a vent or if I’m actually asking for advice...I’m just kind of fed up and super annoyed by this one family I have and today is extra irritating. This family has 2 kids (boys) (I have the youngest one, just turned 3 years) and are kind of unconventional. Dad is from a middle eastern country (not a big deal, just has really different parenting ideas and practices than what I’m used to) and mom works a couple hours out of town so stays overnight at work often which means I rarely deal with her so communication between the two and me is difficult at times. Dad is constantly not bringing me things I need like diapers, shoes, coat, etc Mom is the more responsible one but tells me she’s not the one that deals with the kids so asks me to tell dad what I need/want because she’s busy and won’t be around. Not only do I often have to say at drop off “hey dcd little kid needs diapers remember I asked you for them for the last 3 days in a row?? Well now I need you to go home and come back because I’m out of spares” but they’re also terrible about forgetting our parties. Christmas party we did a book exchange (had to spend less than $5) and everyone signed up to bring something small for snack or craft. They forgot. So the stuff they signed up for was missing and the other kiddo he was exchanging books with got a book from my own dd’s collection because he didn’t bring one. Today they only needed to bring an empty cereal box to decorate for Valentine goodie holder and valentine cards. They sent nothing! And mom dropped off for once and first thing she says is “Yeah, I know he’s supposed to have some but we didn’t get around to it, is it required for today?” Ugh!!! And then later texted from the car “Oops, just realized I forgot to bring the diapers in they’re sitting right here in the seat next to me”. Dad NEVER listens to me about advice-dcb was pretty sick last month and had a really high temp (staying over 102 for several days)for awhile and I said dad should check in at the ped’s office but dad says “Oh, you women just freak out over fevers, fevers are a good thing!” And gave him apple cider vinegar baths instead. Fever did eventually go away but I really didn’t need to hear that I’m an overreacting woman...

You may have to term over it. I had a family dad was supposed to bring stuff and never did. They had an 18 month old never had diapers and the kids were always dirty. I could not deal with it anymore. You can either buy the diapers and charge them would probably be the best solution.

[littlefriends]

Planning on buying the diapers and upping their weekly payment by $5 but not sure how to handle this: they ask nearly every night for me to give them a couple diapers for home! So if I’m now the one buying them do I say no when they ask? Will they complain they’re paying for them if I say no??

[megoddess444]

Wow, just wow! Get rid of this family. Not worth the stress or trouble. Kids are a dime a dozen. You will replace them in no time.

[amberrose3dg]

Planning on buying the diapers and upping their weekly payment by $5 but not sure how to handle this: they ask nearly every night for me to give them a couple diapers for home! So if I’m now the one buying them do I say no when they ask? Will they complain they’re paying for them if I say no??

Wait ,what? They arent providing diapers and now ask you for some? Hell no! Tell them to get off your porch. ::

[rosieteddy]

I would definitely not buy diapers.This family would be given notice that starting now they supply all supplies at the beginning of the week for that week.I also would charge double per diaper from any extras you need to use.I would reasonably count up what you think you need for the week.Add on one a day extra .No supplies will be sent home.Spell it out and charge money for non-compliance.They will probally fight you ,are they worth the aggravation?

[Josiegirl]

Yeh ah noooo. Please don't put up with that for a minute longer!!! They are using you because they can. No diapers go home unless they brought them in the first place. And if you do up their rates to cover diapers, it'd cost a lot more than 5 bucks. PLEASE do NOT sell yourself short or let yourself be walked on. This is your business, you get to call the shots, not the dcfs.

[Ariana]

Planning on buying the diapers and upping their weekly payment by $5 but not sure how to handle this: they ask nearly every night for me to give them a couple diapers for home! So if I’m now the one buying them do I say no when they ask? Will they complain they’re paying for them if I say no??

Oh gosh maybe providing diapers is not the way to go if this is the case! I am so sorry you are dealing with this

Maybe the best approach would be to have diapers on hand that you buy and if you use them you charge them a fee per diaper, something inconvenient like $2 per diaper so you make money off them being idiots. I would also give them a weeks notice that they need to bring diapers before you run out. I usually do this with my current families and end up with plenty of supply this way.

[Pestle]

I don't mess with counting diapers. I raised my rates by $3 a day for every kid in every family, no negotiation.

If they need diapers just to get home, say "I buy X brand. You can get it at the drugstore down the road."

[flying_babyb]

Our policy was we would tell the parents when they were low and have them sign a low diaper notice (prevents the "YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT!" whines!).

Parents,
_________is low on diapers. She/he has ____ left. Please bring diapers by _____________. If your child runs out you will be charged $____ per diaper. This fee will be due daily at pickup and __number of diapers__ must be brought or care will be denied. This will be your only diaper reminder.
Sign here_____________Date:________
Teacher sign________Date:___________

Then we would start doing a diaper log when they ran out:

Diapers used
time:_____________
Time:_____________
time:__________
Total cost:
Amout due before care can be resumed:

[littlefriends]

Our policy was we would tell the parents when they were low and have them sign a low diaper notice (prevents the "YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT!" whines!).

Parents,
_________is low on diapers. She/he has ____ left. Please bring diapers by _____________. If your child runs out you will be charged $____ per diaper. This fee will be due daily at pickup and __number of diapers__ must be brought or care will be denied. This will be your only diaper reminder.
Sign here_____________Date:________
Teacher sign________Date:___________

Then we would start doing a diaper log when they ran out:

Diapers used
time:_____________
Time:_____________
time:__________
Total cost:
Amout due before care can be resumed:

Copied this, thank you!!! They brought me a big pack today. I think only because I texted mom last night that I was willing to buy diapers but that if I did their payment would go up (I decided on $15 per week)and I wouldn’t be sending any home for them if it was me providing them. I also went out and purposefully bought pampers for my extras stash because he’s allergic to pampers. When they ask for a diaper now they won’t want what I have.

[Mom2Two]

Wait ,what? They arent providing diapers and now ask you for some? Hell no! Tell them to get off your porch. ::

::

I don't mess with counting diapers. I raised my rates by $3 a day for every kid in every family, no negotiation.

If they need diapers just to get home, say "I buy X brand. You can get it at the drugstore down the road."

I SWEAR that I will one day write my "I ain't got no money" brochure for daycare parents. Actually, I've started the cookbook.

But in the case of diapers...if you are out of money for home diapers (not daycare diapers!!!), buy a plastic diaper cover and some safety pins, fold some rags and make a diaper. Like grandma used to do.