Challenge for 2 yo Little Sis

[Josiegirl]

Dcg has an older sister who goes to Kinder. They've had many 2 hr. delays(including today) which means dcm drops both dcgs off, then someone comes to pick up the 5 yo; might be dcm, might not. The little sister has such a difficult time with this and is left crying for quite awhile, then is sad for a good part of the day. I have no way to hide 2 yo dcg from her sister's departure. She clings to her big sister whenever she's here, they're pretty much inseparable.

Any suggestions?? It makes caring for everyone difficult the rest of the day because 2 yo lashes out due to her strong emotions.

[Ms.Kay]

I would start prepping lil sis that big sis will be leaving for school...over and over..and start distracting/redirecting after she leaves...make a special picture or card for big sis...have the other kids big kids help. Rinse and repeat..good luck!

[gumdrops]

Can you sit her down for a fun activity or little snack so she's not focused on big sis? Maybe get big sis on board and make it a game for her to be sneaky and not let little sis see her.

[rosieteddy]

If Mom is picking back up why can't she keep older child with her?I would explain the situation ,the whole group shouldn't suffer.It is really hard on the 2 yr old ,she doesn't get it.Mom should bring the older one to school ,not daycare.

[Blackcat31]

I would start prepping lil sis that big sis will be leaving for school...over and over..and start distracting/redirecting after she leaves...make a special picture or card for big sis...have the other kids big kids help. Rinse and repeat..good luck!

This. Prep her ahead of time.

Big sis IS leaving. Little sis can NOT go.

That is life. It's not going to change so she needs to learn to deal with it. I understand its difficult to manage but it really is something little sis needs to accept and deal with on many levels and in many situations. She isn't big sis.

Can you sit her down for a fun activity or little snack so she's not focused on big sis? Maybe get big sis on board and make it a game for her to be sneaky and not let little sis see her.

While I can see this working, I see it as a short term solution to a long term problem.

I don't like solutions that "hide" or gloss over the real issue. Little sis is NOT big sis so hiding or sneaking so as to not upset little sis is just going to create other issues later.

I think many times we try to do something fun or distracting to get a kid to not cry or be upset etc and after a while the 'fun' or the 'special' activity has to increase and be bigger and better than the day before or it doesn't work.

It causes the adult to have to continue upping their game to continue distracting the child from hurt or disappointment.

Kind of like "no cry" parenting.....just give them what they want to pacify them and so they won't cry....kwim?

I think parents and caregivers forget sometimes that hurt feelings or disappointment is necessary in life sometimes and it's not always bad or something we should jump through hoops to avoid.

Teaching a child to manage conflict, disappointment or difficulties in life is a skill not too many people have any more.

The lack of that skill is the issue in a lot of today's societal problems.

[Josiegirl]

It's just been since the holidays that 2 yo dcg has had any problem with separating at all. And seeing mom come back to take big sis but not her makes her extremely sad. Dcm did say this a.m., that if dcg continues to have a tough time then grandma offered to take 5 yo to work with her and drop her off at school 2 hours later. This a.m. I did have them playing playdoh when mom came and by that time big sis was all upset because she couldn't stay and play too. Jeez, can't please anybody.
All in all, I don't think it was as bad this a.m. as it has been some mornings. Just the 1st 30 minutes, as it happened to be the same time 3 dcks did messy poops so my attention was clearly elsewhere instead of just holding and cuddling dcg when she needed it.
And she has been talked to a lot about why this all happens and that she'll be seeing sister in just a little while again. Dcm tells her what they're going to do when she picks them up. I know she'll figure it all out in time but it is heart breaking to watch.

[Ariana]

Agree with preparing her for the eventual departure and bye bye outside for older kid. Seeing mom just adds to the misery. I also will run through the day until they see the person again, so:
We’ll have snack, play, nap and then you’ll see big sis again!

[happymom]

How frequently are you dealing with this situation?

[springv]

We have kids at our center that do this when someone comes to get one sibling and what they usually do is go another way around so that the other child that they are not getting doesn't get upset, They usually pick up depending during nap which is from 12pm until 2pm. Parents are allowed to pick up during all hours including nap but cannot drop off between 12pm and 2pm.

[Josiegirl]

How frequently are you dealing with this situation?

The separation anxiety has been happening for the past month; I took 10 days off during the holidays plus a new little guy started when I reopened so I think the adjustment of coming back and someone different just threw her for a spin from which she hasn't recovered yet. But it's much harder when dcm makes an appearance during the day, only to leave again and that has been maybe 4-5 times since the holidays. Today she was perfectly fine when dcm dropped her off and her older sister spent the day at grandma's work because she had a fever last night. No tears this a.m. at all which hasn't been the case for awhile now.
I guess if there are anymore school opening delays, grandma will be taking 5 yo to work with her instead of coming here, so that'll work much better.