Advice

[Blackcat31]

Anonymous poster asks:

I have a dilema. Parents are going through a divorce. Dcd has been comes to pick up smelling like alcohol. Licensing says that I can’t keep a kid from their parent, what are my options? They live two blocks away so even if I call the cops, By the time they get here, he would be home

[Josiegirl]

I would confront dcd and tell him you're mandated by licensing to call the proper authorities. Even with him being home by the time the police show up, just maybe it'll be enough to smarten the guy up. And you could also ask the police what you can do about it; perhaps his pick-up time could be observed by a police who just happened to be in the neighborhood?

[Annalee]

Maybe say something to the dcd like "I would feel more comfortable with someone else picking up if you will be drinking alcohol at pickup". If he balks, the child will still have to be let go with him but it might be worth a try. And since the parents are not divorced yet, the provider would have every right to tell the dcm. Maybe an amicable solution could happen. If not, life becomes difficult for everyone. Good luck!

[springv]

:hug: hope everything gets better

[springv]

Does anyone know how to change your username???

[Ariana]

I would call the police non emergency line and ask them what to do. As far as I know they will go to his house even if he is no longer driving.

[Blackcat31]

Does anyone know how to change your username???

PM me and I can do it for you

[Blackcat31]

Additional info:

Parents are going through a divorce. Dcm seems to be totally oblivious. Dcd has been coming every day to pick up kids to take them to an activity and return them before daycare ends so dcm can pick up.

I’m ready to implement one pick up/drop off rule because I don’t want him in my daycare.

He’s a chatty parent when he’s had a few drinks and thinks we’re friends and wants to talk/chat at pickups/drop offs.

[springv]

I sent you a pm blackcat31

[Josiegirl]

Additional info:

Parents are going through a divorce. Dcm seems to be totally oblivious. Dcd has been coming every day to pick up kids to take them to an activity and return them before daycare ends so dcm can pick up.

I’m ready to implement one pick up/drop off rule because I don’t want him in my daycare.

He’s a chatty parent when he’s had a few drinks and thinks we’re friends and wants to talk/chat at pickups/drop offs.

In that case, then definitely yes, implement the rule right away. Are these classes or spur of the moment type activities that he simply feels like taking dd to? I also think, if it were me, I'd relay that info to dcm. She has the right to know. If *I* were in that same situation I'd definitely want to know. Is dcd bringing them back so dcm won't know but he still gets time with them? I realize they're going through a divorce and that can be a bitter difficult time but they are the adults and need to keep their actions/emotions/words in the proper places and keep their communication open for the kids. But when it comes to the smell of alcohol, that becomes a safety issue.

[Alwaysgreener]

I would call the police non emergency line and ask them what to do. As far as I know they will go to his house even if he is no longer driving.

Yes this. I was also told that if you call and tell them what time you expect him and his address, they will come and wait for him. Also call CPS, tell them that he is drunk at pickup, they will at least record that and create a file if one is not already started.

[Cat Herder]

He could be trying to pad up his "time spent" for his custody case documentation although in reality the court mostly cares about overnights for status quo. A physical daily sign-in/sign-out sheet will notify DCM and serve as documentation for DCD. Most likely he will be counting on your attendance records for court.

As for the alcohol, I'd go with "Is that alcohol I smell?" and go from there. It could be a prescription mouthwash for gum disease or he could be diabetic, only direct confrontation will tell you.

[Cat Herder]

Also, please don't misunderstand, I am not implying, that DCD is doing something shady by checking his kids out daily.

It is pretty shady to play keep away from Dad with daycare when he is available to spend the day with his own kids, for spite. Plenty of women do that as well.

Sometimes it works great to keep conflict low to do swaps at daycare, too. It is very dependent on the adult's personalities and level of conflict.

[CityGarden]

Sorry for you are going thru this. I would call licensing and check and also call the police non-emergency line just to cover you bases and make sure you are doing everything to protect yourself and your business.

It seems in reading the follow up post that ultimately you do not want dcd to pick up at all so I would just address that directly leaving the rest as secondary support for your goal.

I would write a letter and give it to both parents in person as well as via email informing them that you are concerned about:

- inconsistent days (being picked up mid-day for classes, etc.)
- pick up procedures (not leaving promptly, odors of alcohol at pick up, etc.)
- any other concerns you see impacting dcg

I would then go on in the letter to say in the best interest of dcg and the health of all the children in my program please note the following policy changes.

- One drop off, one pick up per day
- No parent or adult may pick up a child under the influence
- etc.

I would also suggest searching other threads dealing with divorce parents and putting some boundaries in place for yourself and your program now.

[Blackcat31]

Anonymous says:

Dcd is unemployed. Dcm knows he picks up to take them & bring back every day. Do I report to the child abuse hotline?