Child That Talks My Ear Off

[Ac114]

I have a 5 year old that started care a few weeks ago. She has extreme anxiety and is seeing a psychologist to help with her fears. She is afraid of being left alone (me going to the bathroom can cause huge discomfort for her) gets super upset at rest time, meal time (will go days without eating) joining in group activities etc. she basically wants to sit next to me and talk my ear off. I let her talk for the first 30 minutes until she can calm down after drop off but then I would like her to go play. How can I encourage her to go play or do anything that doesn’t involve constantly talking to me. She will follow me around the room telling me about her entire life. I feel bad but she will not do well in kindy if the anxiety is not under control. She gets to the point of throwing up if she doesn’t want to do what you are asking her to do. Help me!

[Blackcat31]

I have a 5 year old that started care a few weeks ago. She has extreme anxiety and is seeing a psychologist to help with her fears. She is afraid of being left alone (me going to the bathroom can cause huge discomfort for her) gets super upset at rest time, meal time (will go days without eating) joining in group activities etc. she basically wants to sit next to me and talk my ear off. I let her talk for the first 30 minutes until she can calm down after drop off but then I would like her to go play. How can I encourage her to go play or do anything that doesn’t involve constantly talking to me. She will follow me around the room telling me about her entire life. I feel bad but she will not do well in kindy if the anxiety is not under control. She gets to the point of throwing up if she doesn’t want to do what you are asking her to do. Help me!

If she is capable of talking your ear off, she is capable of talking off the other DCK's ears too.

I think all too often we allow kids' issues to change how we behave. She has anxiety but clearly it doesn't impact her ability to talk to you.

I'd reverse this and tell her to "go play" or "talk to her social peers" and then if she wants to talk to you 30 minutes prior to her being picked up, you will be her captive audience but I think it should be after not before.

I'd also consider asking the parents for permission to speak with her therapist. Ask the therapist to give you some ideas or strategies to help DCG over come her extreme anxiety issues.

[Blackcat31]

This might also come across as callous but all too often in my experience, this "anxiety" is learned verses random.

It often feels like a child that has figured out how to manipulate her surroundings so achieve what they want.

100% of the attention 100% of the time.

[Ac114]

This might also come across as callous but all too often in my experience, this "anxiety" is learned verses random.

It often feels like a child that has figured out how to manipulate her surroundings so achieve what they want.

100% of the attention 100% of the time.

I agree with this but didn’t want to put it out there and sound harsh. I’m not letting her manipulate me. She has figured out how to manipulate her parents. She does come from a very non traditional family setting (think lbgtq and sex changes) i think she is trying to control what she can and process her emotions, so I do believe some of her anxiety is legitimate. But it’s been made into an issue because of the charade they make out of it.

[Blackcat31]

I think in that case, the best thing you can do is not focus on it at all.
Don't make it a "thing" so she can't use it to benefit her in any way.

Tell her to go play.
Go talk to her social peers not you.

You are there to supervise and provide the basics for her.
The rest is up to her.

If her parents truly believe she isn't capable of being part of a group of other kids then they need to re-evaluate the environment they enrolled her in.

I would tell her very matter of factly that her job is to entertain herself and chat with other kids verses you.

Rinse and repeat. If she cries or gets upset enough to throw up, I'd call for pick up. If her parents enrolled her in group care, they clearly believe she is capable of being in a group and not be the center of attention.

Also, unless she has an IEP or some sort of behavioral management identified via her Dr or psychologist I would insist she be treated like everyone else.

[Gemma]

This might also come across as callous but all too often in my experience, this "anxiety" is learned verses random.

It often feels like a child that has figured out how to manipulate her surroundings so achieve what they want.

100% of the attention 100% of the time.

I agree!
I do believe in some cases of true anxiety, but most I've seen has been either the child's way to manipulate, or the parent use it as an excuse for the child's bad behavior

[dreamer]

In the case that it IS real anxiety and not just a behavior issue, I recommend simply giving her a lot of encouragement. Anxiety makes a person think something will be much harder than it is, so simply telling her that she will be okay and that she can do it might help her a lot. Maybe you can model the behaviors for her... and praise her when she does well!