Screening Attachment Parents

[ardeur]

A daycare family just left my program and I DO NOT want to repeat the situation I faced with them. Does anyone else screen for this during interviews? If so, how? Or is this even reasonable for me to do?

They are 1st time parents. They believed that it was wrong (cruel to the child) to let him cry for any reason or train him to sleep alone in a crib. They bedshared only (held him while he slept). They told me that they do not let him make a peep at home by either holding him as much as possible or rushing to him if he makes any unsatisfactory sound. They said he wakes up all night long and "refuses" to sleep until 10-11pm most nights.

I have a full program. So this meant that I could not hold this baby (he started at 6 months) all the time. So he screamed off and on all day the entire time he was here. He was miserable, kids were miserable, I had stress headaches EVERY DAY. At first he wouldn't nap at all. I got him to the point that he would scream for 15 minutes in his crib and then sleep for 3-4hrs. It took a couple months.

I did have to term because he just would not stop crying all day and the parents started blaming me for doing something wrong. :-(

[Cat Herder]

I do not accept proclaimed AP parents into care.

The entire philosophy goes against daycare goals to begin with. IME with this group (AP-ish) who then choose daycare, the expected behavioral issues are usually more about the adults' needs.

Although there are many things I look for, AP types are really high on the list. (It has gone by many names over many years, it is not new as many believe. )

"Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that proposes methods which aim to promote the attachment of parent and infant not only by maximal parental empathy and responsiveness but also by continuous bodily closeness and touch." If parents are not the primary caregiver they are not attachment parenting.

[Unregistered]

I do not accept proclaimed AP parents into care.

The entire philosophy goes against daycare goals to begin with. IME with this group (AP-ish) who then choose daycare, the expected behavioral issues are usually more about the adults' needs.

Although there are many things I look for, AP types are really high on the list. (It has gone by many names over many years, it is not new as many believe. )

"Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that proposes methods which aim to promote the attachment of parent and infant not only by maximal parental empathy and responsiveness but also by continuous bodily closeness and touch." If parents are not the primary caregiver they are not attachment parenting.

I am a more AP parent and I ABSOLUTELY agree with you. Full time daycare just doesn't jive with Attachment Parenting. Period.

My kids are older now but I coslept, breastfed, baby wore, cloth diapered... As a STAY AT HOME mom. It's just not possible to raise your baby with certain expectations and then turn around and hand them off to a daycare who can't meet those established needs. THAT is cruel!

I have done daycare for AP parents but it was more, I have experience with cloth diapering and allowed it and know how to handle pumped breast milk. I had a parent who never put down her 2 year old (literally) and slept with her for all of her naps - and then suddenly plopped her in full time daycare and went back to work. I just couldn't meet those needs (though I tried, it was when I first started watching children) and we were ALL miserable until I had to terminate.

Now I am wary of taking AP families (I know, the hypocrisy!) because it doesn't seem to end well!

[Cat Herder]

I am a more AP parent and I ABSOLUTELY agree with you. Full time daycare just doesn't jive with Attachment Parenting. Period.

My kids are older now but I coslept, breastfed, baby wore, cloth diapered... As a STAY AT HOME mom. It's just not possible to raise your baby with certain expectations and then turn around and hand them off to a daycare who can't meet those established needs. THAT is cruel!

I have done daycare for AP parents but it was more, I have experience with cloth diapering and allowed it and know how to handle pumped breast milk. I had a parent who never put down her 2 year old (literally) and slept with her for all of her naps - and then suddenly plopped her in full time daycare and went back to work. I just couldn't meet those needs (though I tried, it was when I first started watching children) and we were ALL miserable until I had to terminate.

Now I am wary of taking AP families (I know, the hypocrisy!) because it doesn't seem to end well!

I could not agree more. It is simply too much of a lifestyle change to ask of a small child.

It almost always ends badly unless you can put their child's *needs* above those of the entire group. It is not fair to the child or the other children in care.

It is also why I never kept children my own kids' ages.

[LK5kids]

I'm going through this right now and they are not even self proclaimed AP! they co-sleep, and 2 grandmas watched him before this and both held him at nap time.

Needless to say it's not going well.

I also co-slept with my kids, breastfeed even into the second year but I too was a SAHM and did not baby wear etc. my kids napped and slept well.

I don't take kids under 1 yr. if I take anymore 1-2's I'll be asking about co-sleeping and if the child is ready for child care. I'm not going through this again if I can help it.

[Ariana]

It is pretty easy to screen for AP parents simply by letting them know your expectations and what you can and cannot do. I have had to term two AP parents and when I had another one inquire about care I told her that the child needed to be able to fall asleep on their own for naps and that I cannot hold the child all day so independence is a must. I never heard from her after that! So now it is part of my interview process.

I was also a babywearing, breastfeeding momma so I quit my job to stay home. I never coslept though. Way too disruptive to my own sleep, let alone my baby.