I Want to Be Done with This Kid :(

[littlefriends]

So I’ve had this dcb 2yrs old for about 7 mo and he’s just really hard to have. Parents let me know at interview that he’s “very busy” and they were looking for new care because the provider was keeping him confined a lot (high chair, play pen, play yard, gated areas). At our second interview (which is in my home so I can see how the kiddo behaves and interacts with the daycare environment, etc) he played fine and wasn’t out of control or gave me any indication that he’s difficult in any way, behaving in a typical young 2 manner. However within the first week I could tell exactly why his previous provider kept him gated a lot!! “Busy” was an understatement!! Over the last 7 mo he has gotten much worse. He’s into everything under the sun, climbing and jumping on the furniture, constantly in areas he knows he’s not supposed to be, ruins group time by crying the entire time, during dance party time he runs around purposefully bumping into others and knocking them down, etc. Pick up and drop off are terrible I dread them because he’s over the top in the presence of either of his parents. The second he sees them it’s an immediate meltdown. Screaming, crying, running away, thrashing and fighting when they try to get him out the door or hanging on moms leg as she’s trying to get out to go to work. During the day he does have good moments but it’s not often and I’m exhausted at the end of the day from constantly having to redirect him or send him to time out. Parents leave him from 7 am when I open to 5:45 every night Mon thru Fri rain or shine even if they’re not working. I need someone to please tell me some good wording to let these people know I just can’t watch their kid anymore! The very few days he hasn’t been here show me how much he disturbs our day and how much of my time and energy he takes up. I just don’t know what/how to say it to them. I want to sound professional and unbiased and nonjudgmental. They constantly tell me how glad they are to have dcb here because he’s happy here and I take such good care of him and how much they see he’s learning. That makes me feel so guilty and unsure!

[Michael]

I get that they are happy to have you. I think its great that there are facilities that just don't take cogs in the wheel types of clientele, but at some point you reach your limit and it may be the time to move this one along. You've probably done the most you could.

Here are a lot of threads relating to Termination Letters: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ination+letter

Here is a thread that relates to hyper-active kids that may help: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=hyperactive

Overactive

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30394

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37353

[Josiegirl]

Short and sweet leaves no room for manipulation or trying to make you feel guilted into changing your mind. Just tell them your dc no longer meets their child's needs. It could be he needs to be in with more children his own age or a differently structured environment, needs an environment more conducive to his activity style, whatever you can tell them to make it sound like it'd be a positive change for him, etc. I can understand why they leave him from 7- almost 6. Sad for dcb. Better for them. BUT way too stressful and long for you!! You don't need to go into details, just keep repeating that a different environment would be more beneficial for him.

[LK5kids]

Wow! That's a long day. No way would I let hin stay that long. If for some reason you don't term limit his hours!!!

[littlefriends]

So far I have:
Dear dcf, As of (date) I will no longer be able to offer my childcare services. While I have really enjoyed having dcb here I feel that this environment is not ideal for him. Dcb might get more from a more structured classroom type of environment with more teachers available to give him much closer supervision, support, and one on one time and be able to be with kids that are all his own age. Having him in a family home childcare environment is setting him up for failure and disappointment in that he is being redirected or receiving consequences at a high level per day and I don’t feel that he would be experiencing this outside of group home care. A nanny might even be a great option for him. Please know that this decision is difficult for me but I truly feel a different environment will help dcb thrive. (I’m going to include the information for my ccr&r at the end)
Too much?? I don’t want to seem too judgmental. Ugh. I’m terrible at this!

[Tin Blues]

I’m in the short and sweet camp. Do not get wordy. Don’t give any ammunition that they can argue about.

Due to health reasons I am terminating daycare services to dcb on such and such date. Enclosed is a list of licensed providers in our area. Good luck in your daycare search.

You don’t have to elaborate on the health reasons. And stress is a legitimate health reason. Anytime a child puts so much stress on a provider, it’s ok to say no, enough.

[rosieteddy]

Short and sweet.

[nannyde]

Short and sweet

It doesn't matter what reason you give them they are going to be angry because you broke up with them. No need to get worried. You may want to check out the chapter in my book about the Terminated parent because it will give you a playbook of how they react once you give them the boot.

I think I would say something like "Dear parents, as of x date I will no longer be providing child care to Billy. Enclosed is the number for resource referral place. They will be happy to assist you in finding care.

They will want specifics on that... just say "oh like you said in the interview... he's very busy. It's the same here as it is at home but there are two of you at home for one child. Here I have one adult for x children. I would need another adult here to keep up with his busy."

This will make them mad but believe me... ANY reason you give them will make them mad and they won't stop until you give them a reason.

Or you could go the route of giving them the above in writing and when they ask why just tell them that it's your policy that when you terminate care you don't discuss reasons with parents. You have learned in past terminations that giving reasons causes more conflict than the termination itself and you would like to have the transition go as smoothly as possible.

Get your house ready for an inspection if you are licensed or registered.

[Msdunny]

Short and sweet

It doesn't matter what reason you give them they are going to be angry because you broke up with them. No need to get worried. You may want to check out the chapter in my book about the Terminated parent because it will give you a playbook of how they react once you give them the boot.

I think I would say something like "Dear parents, as of x date I will no longer be providing child care to Billy. Enclosed is the number for resource referral place. They will be happy to assist you in finding care.

They will want specifics on that... just say "oh like you said in the interview... he's very busy. It's the same here as it is at home but there are two of you at home for one child. Here I have one adult for x children. I would need another adult here to keep up with his busy."

This will make them mad but believe me... ANY reason you give them will make them mad and they won't stop until you give them a reason.

Or you could go the route of giving them the above in writing and when they ask why just tell them that it's your policy that when you terminate care you don't discuss reasons with parents. You have learned in past terminations that giving reasons causes more conflict than the termination itself and you would like to have the transition go as smoothly as possible.

Get your house ready for an inspection if you are licensed or registered.

^ This is spot on - happyface
Parents - even those who don't want to spend time with their own children - don't want to believe that others don't want to spend time with their child. Just remember that you are not responsible for their feelings, but you are responsible for your own sanity. There have been parents I felt bad about bothering in the past, and I can honestly say that none of those prior interactions still bother me today. Good luck and hugs to you! :hug:

[littlefriends]

Thanks everybody!! You’re right, I’ve rewritten it and I’m going to go with the “I’d rather not give reasons as it’s caused conflict in the past” route. I’ve planned this to coincide with my yearly license inspection anyway, I’m sure they’re going to be pretty mad unfortunately I just can’t do this kid anymore and it’s not fair to the group or me. He exhausts all of us! Nannyde I bought your book a while ago and love it, it’s spot on!!! Again thanks so much for the advice everyone.

[lovemykidstoo]

Have you talked at all with the parents about his behavior? Have they asked? I had this child. He ultimately ended up going to a church center and it was like I was on vacation every day. Same as your family, he was here every single day no matter what. He was here 10 hours a day/5 days a week. He left, I was so happy. He came back for summer a couple of days a week because I forgot how bad he was . It was then that I quickly remembered. He told me his dad was going to beat me up, that he himself was going to kick me in the face. Yea, he will NEVER be back. I had talked to his parents very often, so it was no surprise to them, that's why I wondered if they've asked you how he is and whether you've told them or not. If they think things are going well and are going to be surprised. Doesn't matter, the end game is the same. You will be so much happier!

[littlefriends]

They’re very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the “he’s just a really busy kid”. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.

[lovemykidstoo]

They’re very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the “he’s just a really busy kid”. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.

Oh my gosh, honestly, this sounds exactly like the dcb I had. Exactly! I just wondered if when they pick up if they're aware of how he acts for you. I have a friend that has a daycare and has a troubling little girl and when the parents pick up she tells them the day was fine. She doesn't tell them of her troubles with her, which I think is a mistake. I just wondered if you've told them how he is for you. They probably don't ask hahaha because they know.

[Rockgirl]

Oh my gosh, honestly, this sounds exactly like the dcb I had. Exactly! I just wondered if when they pick up if they're aware of how he acts for you. I have a friend that has a daycare and has a troubling little girl and when the parents pick up she tells them the day was fine. She doesn't tell them of her troubles with her, which I think is a mistake. I just wondered if you've told them how he is for you. They probably don't ask hahaha because they know.

Yes, it’s so important to communicate about behavior!

Sounds like this dcb’s parents are aware, so I’d term, and I’d let them know it’s because of his behavior. Of course, you don’t have to give a reason, but these parents need a wake-up call!

[Josiegirl]

They’re very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the “he’s just a really busy kid”. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.

Holy Toledo!! I'll bet he's everybody's favorite child. Is he not being disciplined or guided? Or is he totally unmanageable?
I once had a dcg, parents had her as their only child and I think dcm was in her early 40's at the time. She was 2-4 yos here. I also had the dd of another friend of theirs. So I heard of an adventurous dinner out with all of them where dcps were allowing the 4 yo dcg running room in a restaurant. Dcg ran right into the kitchen doors while a waiter was coming through, knocking all the food everywhere. No boundaries. Dcm pulled from my dc because at the time I only had boys and they wanted darling precious to play with girl toys, not cars and trucks. So they took dcg to a dc where the owner's dd and her hated each other with a passion. Dcm asked if I could take their dd back. It took all I had not to say "Are you effin kidding me?"

You're doing the best thing for everyone concerned, especially you and your dc, and that's what counts!!! Let us know how dcm reacts. Nosy minds want to know.