Need Potty Training Tips for 3 1/2 year old

[sahm1225]

Im at a loss of what tips to give the parents. Kid is 3 1/2 years old, and just cannot tell when his diaper is dirty. He will sit with poop in his diaper and insists that his diaper is clean. Parents say he thinks it’s a game and they have to chase him to change his diaper.
I’m just curious what can I do. I refuse to chase him to get a new diaper (he comes when I tell him to come get a new diaper). But if I didn’t, this kid would seriously sit in poop all day if I didn’t change him.
I’ve tried putting a paper towel in the diaper so he could feel the wetness, underwear under the diaper, and he still
Doesn’t notice he’s dirty.

Could I take away privileges from him or would that be punishing for mishaps? The bigger kids (4-5 year olds) go outside and do more projects than the 1-3 year olds. He’s a very big and smart kid so I had let him do the big kid things, but now with having to put on all The winter gear, we’re losing time having to come in to get him changed or changing him before hand.

Tips or help! I feel like I’m Missing or forgetting something

[littlefriends]

Have you tried anything as an incentive yet? Sticker chart or treasure chest of prizes? I think that age is definitely old enough to know he’s gone, he might just not care or want to stop what he’s doing to be changed.

[Cat Herder]

This behavior sounds like he may be punished at home for accidents. I don't necessarily mean spanking, more like yet another lecture and scowl of disappointment.

Maybe they even celebrate too much when he has a success so that the disappointed expression and obvious frustration in the adults face when he has an accident feels enormous.

Maybe taking the power out of it completely would help. No rewards for doing what is expected. No discussion for accidents for a while, poker face, yawn. Change him in rotation with the rest like he is not even in training. Only take him to the potty when he asks, act bored, this is a normal part of life. My bet is you will see a turn around pretty quick.

[Indoorvoice]

This behavior sounds like he may be punished at home for accidents. I don't necessarily mean spanking, more like yet another lecture and scowl of disappointment.

Maybe they even celebrate too much when he has a success so that the disappointed expression and obvious frustration in the adults face when he has an accident feels enormous.

Maybe taking the power out of it completely would help. No rewards for doing what is expected. No discussion for accidents for a while, poker face, yawn. Change him in rotation with the rest like he is not even in training. Only take him to the potty when he asks, act bored, this is a normal part of life. My bet is you will see a turn around pretty quick.

I agree with this. I think it's probably being made into too big of a deal at home. When kids sense we have an agenda with something, they push back. Toilet training is completely in the power of the child and we have no control over it and they know it. Let him own it.

[Cat Herder]

Also, this same technique works for food and mealtime issues, too.

Good luck

[Ariana]

My own daughter did not poop train until she was 4. She woukd wait for her pullup at night and go in her pullup. She was fully pee trained. I literally tried EVERYTHING! I wrote a post on here and did everything. Sticker charts, bought her a kitty suprise and told her if she pooped in the toilet she could have it etc etc. I am sure she knew I was frustrated but she was never punished and I tried to be as nonchalant about it as possible.

Then suddenly at 4 1/2 she started pooping in the toilet on her own. I had stopped all of the things I was doing and decided the stress on both of us was not worth it. I also did not want to make her constipated by withholding a pullup (we had had several majorly constipated kids at the centre where I worked due to potty training issues and I did not want that).

Anyway all of this to say he may not be ready so let it go and it will come!

[daycarediva]

Why is he being allowed to participate with the big kids even though he isn't acting it?

I have two groups. 3 & under, not potty trained, and 3 & up, fully potty trained (COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT IN THE BATHROOM).

They get to stay outside longer (no need to change diapers) stay up from rest time longer (activity in the lunch room when the 'littles' lay down) and get a separate 'big kids' area with cool toys.

It is the #1 incentive that has pushed the process along for 6 of my kids.

[Blackcat31]

Why is he being allowed to participate with the big kids even though he isn't acting it?

I have two groups. 3 & under, not potty trained, and 3 & up, fully potty trained (COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT IN THE BATHROOM).

They get to stay outside longer (no need to change diapers) stay up from rest time longer (activity in the lunch room when the 'littles' lay down) and get a separate 'big kids' area with cool toys.

It is the #1 incentive that has pushed the process along for 6 of my kids.

My older group, get markers verses just crayons, they get paint verses just paint dabbers, certain books and special choices, options and activities all around that are HUGE incentives to be big/older.

[Unregistered]

I’ve tried putting a paper towel in the diaper so he could feel the wetness, underwear under the diaper, and he still
Doesn’t notice he’s dirty.

He notices it, but for 3 1/2 year it has been OK. So what do you expected NOW?
The cold turkey method will work but I pretty sure the parents and you will not want to use it.

[sahm1225]

Why is he being allowed to participate with the big kids even though he isn't acting it?

I have two groups. 3 & under, not potty trained, and 3 & up, fully potty trained (COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT IN THE BATHROOM).

They get to stay outside longer (no need to change diapers) stay up from rest time longer (activity in the lunch room when the 'littles' lay down) and get a separate 'big kids' area with cool toys.

It is the #1 incentive that has pushed the process along for 6 of my kids.

I have a similar set up with 2 separate groups, but I ended losing my 3 year old group (moving away, termed one, etc.). So now I have my infants (0-2 year olds) and my big kids (4-5 year olds). I was trying to have the 3 year old be with the big kids because I felt bad about him possibly being bored in the younger group.

[sahm1225]

I agree with this. I think it's probably being made into too big of a deal at home. When kids sense we have an agenda with something, they push back. Toilet training is completely in the power of the child and we have no control over it and they know it. Let him own it.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

[BrynleeJean]

He notices it, but for 3 1/2 year it has been OK. So what do you expected NOW?
The cold turkey method will work but I pretty sure the parents and you will not want to use it.

I agree.
This is my policy here.
No diapers or pull ups as security. We wet, we notice, we have to change.
I potty trained my son (18 months) naked in one weekend.
the underwear were good but it was better that he saw what he was doing.
maybe suggest they try some more radical approaches at home like that over the weekend if they really want to get out of diapers.
I also won't train unless the parents did all weekend and had success, it starts at home is what i think