Do Parents "Parent" Anymore?

[Lawson2]

Hello!

I am wondering your thoughts on this? Do you find parents are parenting, or are they delegating the job to others (as you would some have someone clean your house, mow your lawn, etc...)?

I have been a childcare provider for over 20 years. I feel like parents complain more about not having time for themselves, but yet seem to have more time away from their children than ever before.

I’m just wondering how it is elsewhere....

Some instances that make me feel this way (there are many more, but I’ll share a few)....

*While I was a nanny, a child was sick (he passed out on the pharmacy floor, so really under the weather) and I was already set to do a 12 hour day. The mother pulled me aside to ask if I would stay an extra 3 hours so she wouldn’t miss book club. I would have wished her priority was coming home to her ill child. I declined and she hired a babysitter for the evening.

*While nannying, I was always left with the children for weeks at a time while the parents vacationed, or had time to themselves.

I only provide as-needed childcare now that I am home with my youngest son (and I started a party business on the weekends), so I am not really in that nanny world anymore, but I feel it spills over into daycare life too...

*My girlfriend went to work, but didn’t like her job, so she quit. She has been unemployed for 6 months, but her daughter goes to daycare full time. When I asked her what she is doing with her days she says; getting massages, hiking, having lunch with her husband.

And I know many other people in our area who put their child in full time care and don’t work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for a break. My two children are very comfortable and confident when I leave them occasionally with a sitter. But... with having an 8 and 2 year old, I know how quickly time passes and I cherish these moments. I can’t imagine handing my 2 year old over to someone when I was out hiking and relaxing each week. I find that incredibly selfish.

I grew up with a single working mother, so I understand the need to work and provide for your family. That isn’t what I am talking about here. I’m just addressing the mentality that seems to be taking over...
How kids are in the hands of teachers, childcare providers, coaches, in classes, etc. It leaves little time to actually parent.

Maybe it’s just my area though? 🙃

[amberrose3dg]

Hello!

I am wondering your thoughts on this? Do you find parents are parenting, or are they delegating the job to others (as you would some have someone clean your house, mow your lawn, etc...)?

I have been a childcare provider for over 20 years. I feel like parents complain more about not having time for themselves, but yet seem to have more time away from their children than ever before.

I’m just wondering how it is elsewhere....

Some instances that make me feel this way (there are many more, but I’ll share a few)....

*While I was a nanny, a child was sick (he passed out on the pharmacy floor, so really under the weather) and I was already set to do a 12 hour day. The mother pulled me aside to ask if I would stay an extra 3 hours so she wouldn’t miss book club. I would have wished her priority was coming home to her ill child. I declined and she hired a babysitter for the evening.

*While nannying, I was always left with the children for weeks at a time while the parents vacationed, or had time to themselves.

I only provide as-needed childcare now that I am home with my youngest son (and I started a party business on the weekends), so I am not really in that nanny world anymore, but I feel it spills over into daycare life too...

*My girlfriend went to work, but didn’t like her job, so she quit. She has been unemployed for 6 months, but her daughter goes to daycare full time. When I asked her what she is doing with her days she says; getting massages, hiking, having lunch with her husband.

And I know many other people in our area who put their child in full time care and don’t work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for a break. My two children are very comfortable and confident when I leave them occasionally with a sitter. But... with having an 8 and 2 year old, I know how quickly time passes and I cherish these moments. I can’t imagine handing my 2 year old over to someone when I was out hiking and relaxing each week. I find that incredibly selfish.

I grew up with a single working mother, so I understand the need to work and provide for your family. That isn’t what I am talking about here. I’m just addressing the mentality that seems to be taking over...
How kids are in the hands of teachers, childcare providers, coaches, in classes, etc. It leaves little time to actually parent.

Maybe it’s just my area though? 🙃

Nope, I think it is a problem everywhere and not just where you are, unfortunately. I have parents try to have me pick their kids up from school when I do not keep school-age kids during school hours. That is your job mom or bring me kids that are ill. No matter if it is contagious or not. I am quite sad by the lack of parenting I see. I just had a dad last night oversleep and forget to pick his kid up. Parents are both off on Mondays and their child is here every day until close. Not one day in over a year have they kept him home one day to spend any time with him.

[Josiegirl]

I was told about a mom who keeps popping out kids, she has 5 at current count. She doesn't work, sends every one of her kids to dc, state paid. People who know how to use and abuse the system, will. Oh plus she gets full medical/dental for her kids.

Something is clearly wrong with a system that allows abuse of itself.

[Gemma]

Do you find parents are parenting, or are they delegating the job to others (as you would some have someone clean your house, mow your lawn, etc...)?

The majority of parents that come through my daycare are totally clueless about raising children!

Self respect must be a concept they're not aware of, cause they get hit, insulted and bossed around by their toddlers and seem to think it is just the way it is!
They are way too involved in themselves to even try to put in the time to correct issues, just about all believe temper tantrums is an age thing and will eventually go away on its own, and so they baby their kids to no end so they don't have to change a thing etc etc.

I feel bad for the children, in a way they're led to believe by their parents that all is about them, that they are the center of their parent's world, yet mom and dad give them zero chances to prove themselves worth and want less and less time around them...and this is IMHO is one of the reasons they demand our (providers) constant attention

[Flowerchild]

Hello!

I am wondering your thoughts on this? Do you find parents are parenting, or are they delegating the job to others (as you would some have someone clean your house, mow your lawn, etc...)?

I have been a childcare provider for over 20 years. I feel like parents complain more about not having time for themselves, but yet seem to have more time away from their children than ever before.

I’m just wondering how it is elsewhere....

Some instances that make me feel this way (there are many more, but I’ll share a few)....

*While I was a nanny, a child was sick (he passed out on the pharmacy floor, so really under the weather) and I was already set to do a 12 hour day. The mother pulled me aside to ask if I would stay an extra 3 hours so she wouldn’t miss book club. I would have wished her priority was coming home to her ill child. I declined and she hired a babysitter for the evening.

*While nannying, I was always left with the children for weeks at a time while the parents vacationed, or had time to themselves.

I only provide as-needed childcare now that I am home with my youngest son (and I started a party business on the weekends), so I am not really in that nanny world anymore, but I feel it spills over into daycare life too...

*My girlfriend went to work, but didn’t like her job, so she quit. She has been unemployed for 6 months, but her daughter goes to daycare full time. When I asked her what she is doing with her days she says; getting massages, hiking, having lunch with her husband.

And I know many other people in our area who put their child in full time care and don’t work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for a break. My two children are very comfortable and confident when I leave them occasionally with a sitter. But... with having an 8 and 2 year old, I know how quickly time passes and I cherish these moments. I can’t imagine handing my 2 year old over to someone when I was out hiking and relaxing each week. I find that incredibly selfish.

I grew up with a single working mother, so I understand the need to work and provide for your family. That isn’t what I am talking about here. I’m just addressing the mentality that seems to be taking over...
How kids are in the hands of teachers, childcare providers, coaches, in classes, etc. It leaves little time to actually parent.

Maybe it’s just my area though? 🙃

I have parents who come in with kids on their days off and don't come until 5 to pick them up 😡 or keep o e kid home and keep the other.at day care 🤔

[amberrose3dg]

I have parents who come in with kids on their days off and don't come until 5 to pick them up 😡 or keep o e kid home and keep the other.at day care 🤔

DCB was forgotten dad overslept yesterday was 40 minutes late picking up. Kid is dropped off by both parents this morning and they are both off! I guarantee he is here until close today. They are late today I will terminate on the spot.

[Unregistered]

I have a couple moms who I would put in this category.
One dcm complains every morning about how difficult and whiny her 21 month old is (he isn't like that for me and I don't think she believes me when I tell her.) And that she never gets a break (even though she drops him off around 7:00 and doesn't pick up until after 5:00.) There have been several days where she brings him to me even though she doesn't have to work.
Other dcm is kind of a mess. She has a 2 yo and a 15 month old. I still remember that she had President's Day off, but I was open. She was going to bring them in to have a day to herself, but decided last minute to keep them home because of the weather. The next day all I heard was her complaining about how hard her day was, that she can't handle them and that she is never doing that again. She doesn't bring them anywhere with her unless she has to. I was so shocked she said that out loud. I LOVE spending time with just me and my boys, so I will never understand why someone would rather dump them off then spend quality time with their kids. I also had to train her oldest to use a bottle (BIG mistake, I have learned so much since I first started). She would tell me that no one in her house wanted to listen to him scream, so she would give in and BF him. So, I was the one having to listen him to him scream while trying to get him to take a bottle. I also had to add a potty training policy because I knew she was going to expect me to do the majority of potty training.
Next summer, I'm thinking about taking a couple Friday's off a month to spend time with my own kids.

[amberrose3dg]

I have a couple moms who I would put in this category.
One dcm complains every morning about how difficult and whiny her 21 month old is (he isn't like that for me and I don't think she believes me when I tell her.) And that she never gets a break (even though she drops him off around 7:00 and doesn't pick up until after 5:00.) There have been several days where she brings him to me even though she doesn't have to work.
Other dcm is kind of a mess. She has a 2 yo and a 15 month old. I still remember that she had President's Day off, but I was open. She was going to bring them in to have a day to herself, but decided last minute to keep them home because of the weather. The next day all I heard was her complaining about how hard her day was, that she can't handle them and that she is never doing that again. She doesn't bring them anywhere with her unless she has to. I was so shocked she said that out loud. I LOVE spending time with just me and my boys, so I will never understand why someone would rather dump them off then spend quality time with their kids. I also had to train her oldest to use a bottle (BIG mistake, I have learned so much since I first started). She would tell me that no one in her house wanted to listen to him scream, so she would give in and BF him. So, I was the one having to listen him to him scream while trying to get him to take a bottle. I also had to add a potty training policy because I knew she was going to expect me to do the majority of potty training.
Next summer, I'm thinking about taking a couple Friday's off a month to spend time with my own kids.

Do it!

[Blackcat31]

Honestly, I don't think parents really know "how" to parent.

Support and encouragement from others, validates the expectation of "me time" so there is no shame or guilt attached. If there is guilt, it's used as a method of gaining attention for themselves and is rarely about real guilt of not being able to be with your child.

Parents today hardly know how to care for themselves let alone their children. It's not their fault.

I educate/assist/support those parents that truly try and leave the rest. It's their circus and their monkeys.

[Unregistered]

I've had parents take their kids bday off..and and them to daycare. I have never had so many kids that have needed early intervention services...because their parents don't take them any where or give them experiences...these kids don't know HOW to play or act in public..they're put in front of screens aa soon as they get home. Speech therapy 5x a week for one child...3.5 yrs old...parents give her a pacifier upon pick up. Doesn't have it here at all. Same with 2 yr old...mom says she just can't say no. Screens in the car for a 15 min ride home...parents only do what is easiest for them...and the government caters to it...early intervention..school breakfasts..subsidized daycare. What happened to a parents responsibility?? Just had parents ask if I would open an hour earlier so they could go to the gym....NO. put your kids in a wagon and run around the block...they'd love it and I can guarentee you'll burn more calories than a treadmill. These are the same kids that are here 9.5 hrs a day..and mom.and dad are home.

[Josiegirl]

After reading about some of your situations, all I can say is UGH. Some parents are so spoiled, selfish and entitled. Producing a generation of insecure, unloved(or feeling unloved AND unworthy)little beings who will grow into children/adolescents/adults who are crying and begging for attention and love in all the wrong places. :confused: How can people truly want children, then not want to care for them???? I can see if they don't know how, then get help, take parenting classes, something!! I had no clue when I was a new mom. But my child was the center of my world! And every single child after that! Sure, I made tons of mistakes as a mom but they knew I always loved them and wanted to be with them.

[Ariana]

I currently do not have parents like this but have had them in the past. I also have a friend like this. Her and her husband were both off not working while their child went to daycare and she would still complain to me...then cried when he went to kinder :confused: My sister is similar as well. My niece went to before and afterschool care while my sister was unemployed spending her time posting on FB and taking selfies. My sister is nearly 50!

People today are very lazy and expect other people to deal with their problems. Parenting IS hard so they don’t want to do it.

[Unregistered]

Nope, parents do not parent anymore. I currently care for a 11 month old baby. I am pretty sure this baby would live at my house if the parents could find a way to convince me to keep her. They are selfish. It is all about them and their needs, who gets to go do stuff minus baby ect. They are in denial or something. The thing that blows my mind most is these parents of this baby tried for years to have her. Another family I provided care for let their kids get so out of hand that I had to term because I could not help or even tolerate the bad behaviors of the kids and parents. I could go on and on. But no, parents are stupid these days.

[Meeko]

I hate seeing posts on FB, with parents gushing about their kids..photos etc. They pose as parents of the year and lap up all the "OH, I don't know how you do it, Super Mom!" comments from their friends.

I feel like writing..."She does it by leaving her kids with ME 10-12 hours a day". Her posts are written as if her children are her life and she does soooo much with them. NOPE! Just a few highlights and then rushed back to my house.

[Unregistered]

Meeko I totally see this too! I have a family right now and the mom owns her own business. She makes her own hours and the whole point was so she could work part time and have her kids with me two days a week. At first it was great but then she slowly started asking me for more and more days. Now her kids are here full time. Some days she only has 2-3 clients but never ever picks them up early or takes days off with them. Every Friday night she has a girls night and the kids are frequently at her parents house for the whole weekend. She takes Mondays off for herself. Recently she was promoting her business and I noticed her sell herself as a stay at home mom who works part time to support her family. Then she posted a celebration post on her business page to announce her two years in business. She thanked her “family and friends” for all of their support and her clients. Not once thanking me or her daycare provider (who ACTUALLY is the reason she has a business). It is like the pretend mommy schtick is just way too good! I don’t really care I just find it hilarious!! Like no you are not a struggling stay at home mom trying to make ends meet. Give me a break.

My husbands coworker brags about how little time she spends with her son. They go away for weekends and weeks pretty regularly and leaves her son with her parents. One time she told my husband that they got back Sunday morning after a week away but were too tired to go pick the kid up so they didn’t see him until Monday evening after school. They took the Monday off.