What Do You Do When Two Children Hate Each Other?

[AfterSchoolMom]

My own child and one of my SA's absolutely despise one another. It's hard to keep them from antagonizing each other sometimes! This morning my own child (who is SA also) was teasing the SA, and the SA completely flipped out and whacked him in the head! Before anyone had been here 20 minutes I was already separating them and giving them a very stern talking to about their behavior. That's not a good way to start the morning, and I'm wondering what's going to happen when they get home today.

I've been putting up with this kind of thing since the beginning of the year. What do you do when you have two in your care that just don't get along, no matter what? Would you consider termination? DCM is very nice, they pick up early, and generally pay on time.

[DCMomOf3]

honestly, i would finish off the school year then term. If their personalities are like oil and water, there will be no peace in your house if they can't be separated all of the time.

[Blackcat31]

Maybe it is time to have a talk with both kids. alone and separately. Find out what the cause of the problem is. Most the time kids under a certain age generally like each other or just stay away from each other if they don't have anything in common wiht each other. In this case, is there anything going on that you may not be aware of? I'd get as much info from each kid separately and then have a talk together and see if they can help come up with a way to work together or to agree to just stay away from each other.

Does either have problems with anyof the rest of the kids?

This is a good time to teach the empathy lesson and for each to imagine how another child would feel if someone didnt like them.

Your advantage is that they are SA and can use their words to tell you what is up.

[countrymom]

this is why I don't watch school agers. I found alot of the time they were rude, loud and down right nasty (now i did have a sa girl who my dd and her got along so well) but it was that it seemed like the sa kids just despised the fact that they had to come here.

[Zoe]

I think that's a judgment call. I'm a bit of a Momma Bear, and I wouldn't want anyone in my daycare who doesn't get along with my kids.

That being said, sometimes we have to be around people that we don't really like and kids need to learn that. Especially school age kids. You don't have to be friends, but you do have to show respect to the other person. If possible, I would keep them apart for a while or even try to find some common ground that might help them be nicer to each other.

Because you've lucked out with such nice dcp's, it would be beneficial for YOU to try to help them understand how to co-exist. Have you discussed this with the parents? Maybe you can work together on this.

[cillybean83]

i can't keep kids who don't like my own children, i don't think my kid should have to be uncomfortable in their own home just so i can make a few bucks, but that is just me...i'm partial to my own kid, obviously

[AfterSchoolMom]

i can't keep kids who don't like my own children, i don't think my kid should have to be uncomfortable in their own home just so i can make a few bucks, but that is just me...i'm partial to my own kid, obviously

Well, of course I feel the same way, but my own child WAS the one instigating this morning's incident.

I'd hate to term this far into the year and leave them in a tight spot, but I'm reaching the end of my patience with always having to referee. I do think a talk with DCM is in order.

[daycare]

IMO if you allow for your child to decide who he will be kind to or not, he will soon learn that if I don't like them, I can be mean to them and then mom will make them go away.

I think that you should have a conference with the parents and both children present. Ask both children to write or have parents write for them 5 things that they like about the other person. It may take awhile, but it's important that both children see the positive things in one another.

Also have them write 3-5 things that hurt their feelings... Like it hurts me feelings when you call me ugly...or hit me_________ and so on..

If both boys know that both sets of parents dont approve of the way that they treat eachother, they may start to understand that they dont have to be best friends, but we do have to be respectful to each other no matter what.

in the family conference you can set the guidelines to their relationship....like you dont even have to say hi to each other, however, you may not call names or __________.

Conflict resolution worked for me when I coached soccer to boys ages 5-18 for 12 years.

[jessrlee]

My children will never have the power to dictate who my daycare children are. If my child did not "like" a daycare child they can go play somewhere else until daycare is over. My kids get tired of the daycare all summer long. So I keep the two separate. My kids are allowed full run of the upstairs, and I plan activities for them to go do. Can you pay a local teenager to hang with him once or twice a week? Go to the movies? Or maybe enroll him in the big kids gym time at the Y. If not I would have a long talk with my kiddo and just tell him that dc is your work. They need to deal.

[cillybean83]

ahhh I see! Well if your kid starts it sometimes too then that's different They may just need to learn to deal with each other and move on