I Feel Like It's My Fault, But I Don't Think It Is

[Baby Beluga]

So mom is a teacher and drops off at 730 and he is there until 5. I would suggest to her if they are that worried maybe pick him up earlier. I doubt she works until 5. Since she works in your community she probably isn't working until 5. I have teachers that drop off at 730 and get off at about 345. They have picked up by 430. Put it back on the parents. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with you but more of the lack of time that is being spent with the boy. Sounds like the girl is getting more attention and he senses that.

Yes. School hours are 8:45 AM-3:30 PM. Mom is an art teacher so I need she needs some time to clean up and prep for the next day. How much, I am not sure? I know most schools here utilize specials teachers for playground duty, lunch duty, etc. So I am not sure what all mom's work responsibilities are.

I am going to guess that mom is using some of that time to help sister with her homework? Mom mentioned that sister gets to spend time with mom after school is over in the classroom and that was the first thing to came to mind. With getting home late and adding in gymnastics, I can't think of any other time that they could logically fit it in. I could be wrong though.

[Baby Beluga]

That's what I was thinking and here is how I would handle it;

"Hmm, DCD/DCM I don't see any of that type of behavior at home. He's doing great here! If I do have any issues though I'll be sure to mention them. Have a good day! Bye!"

Rinse and repeat.

Like Diva said, some parents now days are OVERLY involved and almost always about the wrong things.

I have a group of boys right now that are all either new 4yr olds or 3.5 nearing 4 and ALL of them seem to be going through this inner change where they are really struggling to regulate themselves and their emotions. They bounce from clingy to "get away from me" in 3 seconds and cover the entire gamut of teenage angst during a 4 minute drop off.

I think this DCK is growing, aging and maturing. He isn't always going to be the same 2 yr old they've always had.
Since they are the ones that think he has an issue, let them deal You don't have an issue with him in care so....

I like this. Mom never mentioned anything to me. No questions, concerns, nothing. It was dad who did. Between my thoughts of DCB adjusting and doing well, and DCM's lack of questions and concerns I was quite surprised yesterday.

Dad said he is the more direct one and mom is more shy and less direct.

[amberrose3dg]

Yes. School hours are 8:45 AM-3:30 PM. Mom is an art teacher so I need she needs some time to clean up and prep for the next day. How much, I am not sure? I know most schools here utilize specials teachers for playground duty, lunch duty, etc. So I am not sure what all mom's work responsibilities are.

I am going to guess that mom is using some of that time to help sister with her homework? Mom mentioned that sister gets to spend time with mom after school is over in the classroom and that was the first thing to came to mind. With getting home late and adding in gymnastics, I can't think of any other time that they could logically fit it in. I could be wrong though.

Yeah she is adding in an extra hour in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening. I have had art teachers and other special teachers. They work the same amount of hours as the other teachers.There is your answer(she does not work an extra 2.5 hours every day). She likes spending the time with the daughter and not the son. Dad is probably seeing some things that he questions but isn't going to blame it on his wife. There is probably more at home that goes on as far as favoritism if there is issues with the boy. Sounds like you are stuck in the middle of that and an easy target to blame since you are new etc.. Trust me been there done that. :hug:

[Ariana]

I read parental guilt and projection. :hug:

Exactly this! If you don’t want his spirit squashed then stay home and raise him?? Don’t dictate to me how I run my daycare!

Whenever parents get on with this type of thing (and luckily they rarely do) I tell them that it is typical because I have a LOT more rules here that they have to follow. My goal every day is to keep everyone healthy, safe and happy and for this reason I have rules that might be very different from at home. Also just the kid changing and growing in general.

I would probably also try to turn it around on them and ask “has anything changed at home”? Home changes are almost always the culprit for weird behavior.

[Josiegirl]

So mom is a teacher and drops off at 730 and he is there until 5. I would suggest to her if they are that worried maybe pick him up earlier. I doubt she works until 5. Since she works in your community she probably isn't working until 5. I have teachers that drop off at 730 and get off at about 345. They have picked up by 430. Put it back on the parents. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with you but more of the lack of time that is being spent with the boy. Sounds like the girl is getting more attention and he senses that.

Very good point!! Long day for a little kid and maybe he thinks sis is actually hanging out with mom during the day? Could he be misinterpreting all that? Could be showing signs of insecurity there and doesn't want to leave home, wants to be where he feels safe. But again, it's nothing you're doing or not doing!! If dcb seems to be doing well at dc, just tell them that and for your own sanity don't over think everything. If they're happy with your care and place their trust in you, then I'm sure whatever this little guy is going through, he'll work it out for himself before long.

[Rockgirl]

I’m thinking that if dcd can make it be your fault, then it’s not theirs.

I like BC’s response about not seeing the behaviors with you and leaving it at that. If dcd continues to press it, maybe it’s time to call him out, and ask if he’d like to give his notice.

[daycarediva]

OH MY GOD that is A LOT of changes for a little person to adjust to. Add in the fact that is a 12 hour day for him with sisters sports/activities, *I* wouldn't want to leave home after that.

I like BC's answer, "I see none of that here. Dcb has adjusted beautifully."

[Baby Beluga]

Thank you everyone for making me feel better about this.

Ugh.

From here on out it's what BC said, DCB is doing just fine, no concerns, etc. Unless a real concern develops.

[Annalee]

Thank you everyone for making me feel better about this.

Ugh.

From here on out it's what BC said, DCB is doing just fine, no concerns, etc. Unless a real concern develops.

I agree, put it back on their watch. I had a dcd of dcb2 ask me this week if I had heard the f-bomb out of dcb2 mouth which I hadn't and very adamantly let dcd know it was coming from someone in their domain because he doesn't do that here or we would have had a conference by now. ::