"I'm Sick/I Don't Feel Good/I'm Hurt"

[3myjob]

My DD,4, seems to be the only one I have that has trouble ever cleaning up. I either tell her that if mommy has to clean up they are going in a trash bag and into the garbage. :: clearly that won't work with the dcks.

With the daycare I normally say "Who wants to (name of next activity)?" When they all get excited and say "I do!" ...I say okay well we have to clean up this mess first. If they don't help clean up they don't get to do the next thing and can go lay down and rest while everyone else is having fun. Repeat. They will catch on eventually.

I would never ever send a child home who was just doing it for attention. That would just fuel the behavior and they would continue in it as a way to just get to go home.

[3myjob]

Gotta love it when these older threads get pulled back up again.

So, Blackcat, how did you end up working this out?

oops...didn't even pay attention to the date!

[wdmmom]

If he isn't wanting to pick up and laying him down isn't really a consequence, making him sit and watch the other kids play should do it.

Everytime he doesn't want to clean up, he gets to sit out the next activity. Find him a chair, mat or rug and he can watch you and the other kids play.

Mix up the activities and don't tell him what's planned.

[SunshineMama]

Okay, I need some opinions/advice. I have a dcb who is 3.5 yrs old. This morning his dad carries him in (which is very abnormal..he walks in every morning) Dad says, "Billy says his leg hurts. He was fine when he went to bed but now he says he can't walk, so here he is". I take him in and sit him on a floor cushion in the living room.

So, here's the real story.....there is NOTHING wrong with this little guy. I know this and dad knows this. It is just recently that the the dcb has begun using "I'm sick" or "I don't feel good" or "I'm hurt" as an excuse to either be babied, not have to clean up/put toys away or to be carried by his parents. Most the time the parents just give in. This little guy is here M-F from 6:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. So I know it is all an attempt to gain attention from his parents...but that is a whole other story....

So...what I want to know is how do I handle this at daycare? Last week, after we had pulled a ton of activities out and played for hours, he pulled the whole "I'm sick" act when it was cleanup time and I blew it off and simply said "If you do not cleanup like the others then you can not play the next time". He really didnt care much. It was after 3 p.m. already and he knew he was going home soon. So the next day when he came and asked to play with the same toys I said no because he didnt clean up last time. He shrugged and played a different activity.

So I am wondering is this how I should continue handling it; by ignoring it and not allowing him to play with the stuff he didn't pick up? I also do not give him a ton of attention about it because I know he is ok from his behavior and the fact that I have had him for several years and know him quite well. The big problem now is he has started doing/saying this whenever ANYTHING comes up that he doesn't want to do. Share with others, eat lunch, clean up, stop one activity and go on to another, take a nap/rest etc etc.....and now to make matters worse another 3.5 year old dcb has caught on and he has started saying he isn't feeling well now too! Ey ey ey!!

What would you all do? I know for a fact that neither is hurt/sick/or any thing else because of the behaviors they have when they are doing the things they want to do. advice please......

I have two 3.5 year olds currently, dd and dcb. They BOTH pull the I'm hurt/sick/etc.

I started telling them, "Oh I am so sorry you are hurt/sick/etc. We better get you to your bed so you can rest and get all better. If you are too hurt today then you need to sleep so your body can heal."

They always feel better instantly for some reason

[Unregistered]

Kids and parents should be educated!

In answer to your complaint. It is your fault for allowing it to get so far. Nip it in the bud. if you have a child that has to be carried into daycare by a spoiling parent because his leg hurts, well you have to tell the parent" he cant walk in on his own and is claiming he is hurt, then he cannot come to daycare, take your child back home and bring him back when he is ready to walk on his own. This will send a message to the parent and hopefully stop the bratty syndrome that this child has. I do not allow that behavior in my daycare, I stop it the very first time it happens. The parents allow or aid to the brat syndrome at home, and expect us to put up with it. Not going to happen with me, and should not happen with you. If you allow this and then cry out because you dont know what to do, its nobody else's fault but your own!

[Meeko]

I understand where you are coming from but....
my problem with that is if I make him stay home the next day, it effects the parent. There is no way for a parent to have control over the behaviors that occur here in daycare. Yes, they can have a talk with their child, they can even stop buying into it at home but we all know that we teach kids stuff here that they do not do at home so it goes both ways. Bottom line is what exactly is the parent supposed to do about it from their end? They are not at daycare to be involved in what goes on here. They can not intervene on a behavior ocurring here. Even if they tell their child not to do/say/act a certain way, it is just talk, not reinforcment.

Let's say for example I call the parent and have the child picked up or have him stay home the next day. Say he stays in bed the whole next day as if he is sick...isn't that just reinforcing the behavior because after all, he just got a ton of attention for being "sick".

Plus, I don't want to change the parent. NOT my problem....MY problem is the behavior here and what I should do about it. (Like I said, the parent behavior at home is a whole different story).....I gave up trying to change what parents do at home a long time ago. I am only concerned with the behaviors here.



and to SandeeAR, good advice but my space is too small to always leave out the activity until he feels like cleaning up. I have moved to another room and done a super fun activity that he would love and wouldn't ya know, he feels great all of a sudden. Cleaned up and came to join us...this has just been the daily routine for over a week now and frankly I think he is enjoying the attention he is getting for the whole thing. When we went outside this morning, I had him sit next to me while the others played because I told him it wasn't a good idea to run on his foot if it was hurting. He just seemed to think it was an opportunity to sit by me and chat in a one on one conversation. Like I said, I think he is enjoying the attention.

If he pretends to be ill, he is separated from the other kids and has to lie down...all day...

[Blackcat31]

Gotta love it when these older threads get pulled back up again.

So, Blackcat, how did you end up working this out?

Wow! Old post.... I had to re-read a couple times and think back to who I was talking about. ::

Anyways, I did solve the issue by doing what other posters suggested. The minute he tried to say "I don't feel good" or whatever othe excuse he used, he had to immediately go lie down. He stayed lying down and rested the whole day (besides lunch time) and was not allowed to do anything besides rest.

I told him I was sorry he felt sick and that kids who didn't feel good should rest. He tried to tell me sometime during the day that he felt better and was ready to get up but I just kept telling him that just to be sure, he needed to stay lying down. He came to lunch and ate but he had to immediately go back and rest more as soon as he was done eating.

Later in the day, the other kids went out to play and he thought he was going too but I had him stay lying down while I went out with the other kids. (I sat on the front deck so I could leave the door open and have him in sight) and the other kids played in the front yard. They made lots of noise laughing and playing and of course DCB asked again if he could get up and go out since he now felt better but I said "Maybe tomorrow".

He came back the next day and has never once tried to tell me he didn't feel good or was sick since. Obviously being left out for the whole day is what made the difference. Lying down for a little while only made things worse so I decided to go with the whole day as I knew even he (my most strong willed DCK) would soon give in.....

I still have him and he is an absolutely fabulous kid!!! happyface I will miss him when he heads off to school this fall.

[Blackcat31]

In answer to your complaint. It is your fault for allowing it to get so far. Nip it in the bud. if you have a child that has to be carried into daycare by a spoiling parent because his leg hurts, well you have to tell the parent" he cant walk in on his own and is claiming he is hurt, then he cannot come to daycare, take your child back home and bring him back when he is ready to walk on his own. This will send a message to the parent and hopefully stop the bratty syndrome that this child has. I do not allow that behavior in my daycare, I stop it the very first time it happens. The parents allow or aid to the brat syndrome at home, and expect us to put up with it. Not going to happen with me, and should not happen with you. If you allow this and then cry out because you dont know what to do, its nobody else's fault but your own!

Yes, it IS my fault. MY fault for caring about a child who was crying out for attention. My fault for caring about the emotional needs of a child. A 3.5 yr old child. Someone who is not capable of understanding exactly how the world works yet and doesn't understand how to appropriately ask for attention so instead uses what he does know, even if it wasn't the right thing.

I did more than just have him lie down for the whole day as I did discuss things with him about saying he was sick when it wasn't true etc. I happen to have a very real concern and a very real relationship with a child.

So yes, thank you very much, it IS my fault. MY fault he is an adorable little boy who has the sweetest smile and the most loving nature in the world. It IS my fault he has now learned to ask for the things he needs (emotional and otherwise) by using real words and not excuses. It IS my fault that he has learned to have a real relationship with other human beings without having to use false pretenses to make someone care. It IS my fault that he has learned a prosocial behavior just as it IS my fault that he has also learned that certain behaviors have certain consequences.

So yeah, he IS a great little boy and if that is MY fault, then I will gladly take the blame!!!

I would hardly call this bratty behavior

[jojosmommy]

Okay, that is my problem. The little boy WILL go lay down happily because it gets him out of doing whatever it is he is avoiding. When the clean up period or avoided activity is over, he wants to get up and act as though nothing is wrong and will say "I feel better now" So do I make him lay back down? For how long? I am hoping someone will have a solution that will eliminate the use of not feeling well to avoid responsibility.

I had one that did that occasionally and I left some things out for him to intentionally pick up when he felt better. The rest of us would go about our fun and whenever he felt "better" he could finish his responsibility and only then could he join us. Nipped it in the bud quickly.

[Unregistered]

Giving the rest a bad name!!

I don't know what's worse, thinking you have solved the problem by using "child abuse" tactics, or thinking the child has learned his lesson. If CCL knew that you were keeping a child isolated from everything that was going on in the daycare, by having him lay on a mat all day. you should have your license revoked. As a parent I would check into your so called "I care" tactics. Any child will always resort back to whatever he knows will work as it has in the past when the occasion arises. This is just a temporary fix. But then again it's providers like you who try to use cereal box psychology to "think" they are solving the problems, and then when it happens again and you get rid of the child, they get passed on to us and the vicious cycle starts all over again. You will always have those problems because you really do not know how to handle them without involving forums and help chats. thank goodness I have well behaved kids in my center and parents as well, only because I know how to take control head on. After 26 years I think I should!!

[daycare]

I don't know what's worse, thinking you have solved the problem by using "child abuse" tactics, or thinking the child has learned his lesson. If CCL knew that you were keeping a child isolated from everything that was going on in the daycare, by having him lay on a mat all day. you should have your license revoked. As a parent I would check into your so called "I care" tactics. Any child will always resort back to whatever he knows will work as it has in the past when the occasion arises. This is just a temporary fix. But then again it's providers like you who try to use cereal box psychology to "think" they are solving the problems, and then when it happens again and you get rid of the child, they get passed on to us and the vicious cycle starts all over again. You will always have those problems because you really do not know how to handle them without involving forums and help chats. thank goodness I have well behaved kids in my center and parents as well, only because I know how to take control head on. After 26 years I think I should!!

Can you tell me how you would have handled this situation? I am always open to other ideas..

Thanks

[Unregistered]

Think about it!

And before you start getting all offended and defensive, think about it< if you don't want people writing to you about your idiotic topics, then stop posting your s**t on here. I will not be back in this stupid forum to read your idiotic makes no sense response.GET A LIFE!!!!!

[Blackcat31]

I don't know what's worse, thinking you have solved the problem by using "child abuse" tactics, or thinking the child has learned his lesson. If CCL knew that you were keeping a child isolated from everything that was going on in the daycare, by having him lay on a mat all day. you should have your license revoked. As a parent I would check into your so called "I care" tactics. Any child will always resort back to whatever he knows will work as it has in the past when the occasion arises. This is just a temporary fix. But then again it's providers like you who try to use cereal box psychology to "think" they are solving the problems, and then when it happens again and you get rid of the child, they get passed on to us and the vicious cycle starts all over again. You will always have those problems because you really do not know how to handle them without involving forums and help chats. thank goodness I have well behaved kids in my center and parents as well, only because I know how to take control head on. After 26 years I think I should!!

I would hardly call it child abuse tactics! LOL!!!!

It happened to be a plan that his mother and I worked out together to address the issue. I don't know, I guess I am funny like that and choose to work with the parents rather than "taking control head on".

But I suppose that was not a smart thing to do since his mother happens to have a cereal box psychology degree and is a licensed child behavioral specialist.

Also it would be a good idea to FULLY read the posts since this was last year and it wasn't a temporary fix as the child NEVER did that again and is still with me. I don't simply term any family that has a child who has an issue, instead I choose to work with family and find a solution that does work.

But hey, despite a degree (well two actually, but only one that is ECE related) WONDERFUL families and daycare kids, as well as two decades in this business...what do I know?!?!

Next time I will ask you since you seem to have ALL the answers!!!

[Unregistered]

Please do!!

Yes please do ask. I will be more than happy to oblige!

[Unregistered]

Yes I at least have all the answers I need to run my business effortlessly with 26 years under my belt and not two but three Masters, yes I may very well have the answers!!