"I'm Sick/I Don't Feel Good/I'm Hurt"

[Blackcat31]

Okay, I need some opinions/advice. I have a dcb who is 3.5 yrs old. This morning his dad carries him in (which is very abnormal..he walks in every morning) Dad says, "Billy says his leg hurts. He was fine when he went to bed but now he says he can't walk, so here he is". I take him in and sit him on a floor cushion in the living room.

So, here's the real story.....there is NOTHING wrong with this little guy. I know this and dad knows this. It is just recently that the the dcb has begun using "I'm sick" or "I don't feel good" or "I'm hurt" as an excuse to either be babied, not have to clean up/put toys away or to be carried by his parents. Most the time the parents just give in. This little guy is here M-F from 6:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. So I know it is all an attempt to gain attention from his parents...but that is a whole other story....

So...what I want to know is how do I handle this at daycare? Last week, after we had pulled a ton of activities out and played for hours, he pulled the whole "I'm sick" act when it was cleanup time and I blew it off and simply said "If you do not cleanup like the others then you can not play the next time". He really didnt care much. It was after 3 p.m. already and he knew he was going home soon. So the next day when he came and asked to play with the same toys I said no because he didnt clean up last time. He shrugged and played a different activity.

So I am wondering is this how I should continue handling it; by ignoring it and not allowing him to play with the stuff he didn't pick up? I also do not give him a ton of attention about it because I know he is ok from his behavior and the fact that I have had him for several years and know him quite well. The big problem now is he has started doing/saying this whenever ANYTHING comes up that he doesn't want to do. Share with others, eat lunch, clean up, stop one activity and go on to another, take a nap/rest etc etc.....and now to make matters worse another 3.5 year old dcb has caught on and he has started saying he isn't feeling well now too! Ey ey ey!!

What would you all do? I know for a fact that neither is hurt/sick/or any thing else because of the behaviors they have when they are doing the things they want to do. advice please......

[dEHmom]

MY kids have pulled this on me "I'm too tired to" clean up, or " my tummy hurts" so I don't have to go to the bed yet, eat lunch etc.

So my rule is, if you are sick/too tired/hurt, no toys, you stay in your bed. They feel better quickly!!!!

[Zoe]

MY kids have pulled this on me "I'm too tired to" clean up, or " my tummy hurts" so I don't have to go to the bed yet, eat lunch etc.

So my rule is, if you are sick/too tired/hurt, no toys, you stay in your bed. They feel better quickly!!!!

That's exactly what I do! I say, "Ok, if you're sick/hurt then you need to rest. Let's go lay down." They get going pretty quickly.

And honestly, it's a good test to see if they really are sick. Last week, my DD took me up on it, and 10 minutes later she was STILL laying down. I checked her temp and she had a fever! Turns out she had the flu. But I digress...

[SandeeAR]

MY kids have pulled this on me "I'm too tired to" clean up, or " my tummy hurts" so I don't have to go to the bed yet, eat lunch etc.

So my rule is, if you are sick/too tired/hurt, no toys, you stay in your bed. They feel better quickly!!!!

Agree 100%

[SilverSabre25]

MY kids have pulled this on me "I'm too tired to" clean up, or " my tummy hurts" so I don't have to go to the bed yet, eat lunch etc.

So my rule is, if you are sick/too tired/hurt, no toys, you stay in your bed. They feel better quickly!!!!

Yep, I do this with my DD when she says things like this and it works like a charm. Sometimes, she takes me up on it for a few minutes and then is fine...she just needed a break for a few minutes.

[Unregistered]

I agree with the earlier posts. My kids know if they are too sick to do what is expected then they need to go to bed and take a rest. I purposefully do something really enjoyable (like music) if I know they are pulling this just to get out of cleaning. "I don't feel good" doesnt last too long here.

[dEHmom]

Yep, I do this with my DD when she says things like this and it works like a charm. Sometimes, she takes me up on it for a few minutes and then is fine...she just needed a break for a few minutes.

I think we often forget too, that kids easily get over stimulated, and sometimes just the bad behaviours are ways of dealing with it!

We find kids tire us out and outrun us, but kids also need a break, relax, etc, and not always when we designate it.

Kids get stressed, and need to learn how to deal with it. But often they don't want to miss out on anything.

Also, we as adults often forget how hard it is to be a kid as well (make decisions, tie our shoes, etc) and we also forget that children deal with stress, emotions and other things for different reasons (they are not worried about finances!).

So they do need that break sometimes to lay down for 10 minutes (even if it's an hour after nap time).

My rule is though, that if they make a mess, take out more than one toys, dump a bucket of toys out, they have to clean it up. And if they don't, they will not be playing with any other toys for the rest of the day, if I have to clean it up. They will sit there and watch everyone else play. I will offer to help them clean it up, and often they will take me up on that, but I won't clean it all up for them and then let them do it again.

[Blackcat31]

Okay, that is my problem. The little boy WILL go lay down happily because it gets him out of doing whatever it is he is avoiding. When the clean up period or avoided activity is over, he wants to get up and act as though nothing is wrong and will say "I feel better now" So do I make him lay back down? For how long? I am hoping someone will have a solution that will eliminate the use of not feeling well to avoid responsibility.

[dEHmom]

Yes, if it is a continual problem, he has to lay down for rest of the day. If it's almost home time, then he has to stay home tomorrow.

My contract states if they cannot participate in the daily activities, then they may not attend. They are not well enough to play, go outdoors, etc, they are not well enough to attend daycare.

If it's 345 and pick up is at 4pm, either he doesn't come tomorrow or he is not allowed to play in the morning for X mins/hours at all. Everyday until he learns.

[SilverSabre25]

Okay, that is my problem. The little boy WILL go lay down happily because it gets him out of doing whatever it is he is avoiding. When the clean up period or avoided activity is over, he wants to get up and act as though nothing is wrong and will say "I feel better now" So do I make him lay back down? For how long? I am hoping someone will have a solution that will eliminate the use of not feeling well to avoid responsibility.

I would leave a portion of the mess that would be his "share" for him to clean up whenever he's "feeling better"--that way he doesn't get out of it at all. Gather all the legos, or blocks, or stuffed animals, or whatever into a pile and that's his job to clean up as soon as he feels well enough to get up. He can't move on to something else until that job is done.

I do this with my DD and it works pretty well.

If it's a specific activity he's avoiding, like snack or music time or circle time or whatever...let him miss out, but start giving him better words to express his lack of desire to participate.

[DCMomOf3]

Okay, that is my problem. The little boy WILL go lay down happily because it gets him out of doing whatever it is he is avoiding. When the clean up period or avoided activity is over, he wants to get up and act as though nothing is wrong and will say "I feel better now" So do I make him lay back down? For how long? I am hoping someone will have a solution that will eliminate the use of not feeling well to avoid responsibility.

my DS does this in spurts and I have yet to find his 'currency'. I feel out of options sometimes.

[misol]

I do the same as previous posters. Anyone here who is "too sick" or "too tired" to _______ (fill in the blank) will need to go lay down and rest. They ususally get well quick fast LOL. I also find that whenever they agree to go rest without putting up a fight, they usually ARE sick or tired.

If he conveniently feels better immediatey after chores are done, then have him go back and lay down until the next activity is over. Be sure to make a lot of noise and have extra fun so that he can hear you all and know he is missing out.

I also have the other kids stop at a certain point when things are almost clean to "save" some for the person who would not clean when asked. Then that child cannot join us in the next activity until he has done his share.

[SandeeAR]

Why not instead of putting him in bed, you leave the mess for him to clean up. Then put him in a time out chair to watch you and the other kiddos doing some really fun activity.

If he doesn't get "better" so he can do his part, leave him in the chair until he does. Then have him clean up the afternoon mess by himself, while the parents wait on him.

[Blackcat31]

Yes, if it is a continual problem, he has to lay down for rest of the day. If it's almost home time, then he has to stay home tomorrow.

My contract states if they cannot participate in the daily activities, then they may not attend. They are not well enough to play, go outdoors, etc, they are not well enough to attend daycare.

If it's 345 and pick up is at 4pm, either he doesn't come tomorrow or he is not allowed to play in the morning at all. Everyday until he learns.

I understand where you are coming from but....
my problem with that is if I make him stay home the next day, it effects the parent. There is no way for a parent to have control over the behaviors that occur here in daycare. Yes, they can have a talk with their child, they can even stop buying into it at home but we all know that we teach kids stuff here that they do not do at home so it goes both ways. Bottom line is what exactly is the parent supposed to do about it from their end? They are not at daycare to be involved in what goes on here. They can not intervene on a behavior ocurring here. Even if they tell their child not to do/say/act a certain way, it is just talk, not reinforcment.

Let's say for example I call the parent and have the child picked up or have him stay home the next day. Say he stays in bed the whole next day as if he is sick...isn't that just reinforcing the behavior because after all, he just got a ton of attention for being "sick".

Plus, I don't want to change the parent. NOT my problem....MY problem is the behavior here and what I should do about it. (Like I said, the parent behavior at home is a whole different story).....I gave up trying to change what parents do at home a long time ago. I am only concerned with the behaviors here.



and to SandeeAR, good advice but my space is too small to always leave out the activity until he feels like cleaning up. I have moved to another room and done a super fun activity that he would love and wouldn't ya know, he feels great all of a sudden. Cleaned up and came to join us...this has just been the daily routine for over a week now and frankly I think he is enjoying the attention he is getting for the whole thing. When we went outside this morning, I had him sit next to me while the others played because I told him it wasn't a good idea to run on his foot if it was hurting. He just seemed to think it was an opportunity to sit by me and chat in a one on one conversation. Like I said, I think he is enjoying the attention.

[SandeeAR]

..I gave up trying to change what parents do at home a long time ago. I am only concerned with the behaviors here.

Amem, Parents are only going to do what they want. Most think their way is the only way. We as DCP aren't always right and our ways aren't the only way. However, we are dealing with a large group of children, all of ages closer than what the parents have, even with they have 3 or 4 kids.

We have to do what works for the GROUP, not just what works for the child.