Not Bathing Kiddo

[littlefriends]

Okay so I have two spots to fill right now and got asked by a family if I could watch their 3yr old boy for one month which I said sure because why not. He’s really sweet and easy going, has a few behavioral problems but nothing I can’t handle throughout the day. The problem is that he smells. Terrible. He’s been coming for two weeks and I’m not sure he’s had a bath at all. He’s come wearing the same socks and underwear for this whole week. Last week he didn’t wear any underwear at all. I had to go buy some for him to wear so he’d have some on every day. He smells so strong I have a hard time hugging him or helping him with his table activities. I feel terrible saying all this! What do I do? This morning he arrived and my whole living room smells now. The dad is a single dad and only gets him every few months because mom lives out of state. I don’t know much about the family more than that. Dad seems incredibly nice and is interested in dcb’s day and behavior. Gma is picking up for the first time this afternoon.

[Cat Herder]

Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.

[littlefriends]

Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.

I definitely know he isn’t homeless, dad lives right down the road in a super tiny but clean looking apartment complex. I think maybe it might be that he’s just clueless. Or maybe doesn’t think it’s noticeable to me. This am I put all of his clothes in the washer and gave him a fresh outfit. Since I’m not keeping him I don’t mind washing his stuff I suppose. I’ve just never smelled anything like this before! If he was going to be staying with me I think I’d have to grow a bigger backbone and tell him I can’t keep him because the smell is so awful.

[Cat Herder]

It really isn't about backbone, it is about advocacy. Once you tell DCD there is an issue the ball is in his court to change it. If he refuses then you know it is a reportable neglect suspicion case. Mandated reporter status. :hug:

You have the power to change this kids life.

[Miss A]

It really isn't about backbone, it is about advocacy. Once you tell DCD there is an issue the ball is in his court to change it. If he refuses then you know it is a reportable neglect suspicion case. Mandated reporter status. :hug:

You have the power to change this kids life.

I second this. You are in the position to help this child and his father, and you need to take full advantage of that.

If DCD doesn't have a regular custody schedule, he may be clueless about the childs hygiene needs. Maybe DCB hates taking a bath and screams like he's participating in an exorcism, and DCD doesn't know how to handle it. Sometimes noncustodial parents are hesitant to be firm with their visiting parents because they want the child to "like" them.

Schedule a conference and talk to DCD. If it is something you are comfortable doing, you could offer to bathe DCB and wash his clothing.

[littlefriends]

How should I word it that I need to talk to him about it? I think maybe I should ask if he can meet with me after daycare instead of at pick up so no other parents overhear our conversation.

[Ariana]

When I took a child abuse class a few years ago this qualifies as abuse/neglect. I would absolutely bring it up to dad and find out what is going on. A single dad might be depressed and need help. Have some resources to give him as well. Is dad clean? Maybe he is afraid to give child a bath for various reasons.

If nothing changes I would likely call social services

Poor kiddo

[daycarediva]

Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.

Exactly this. :hug::hug::hug: poor kiddo!

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Maybe just have a talk at pick up. "Hey dad, I just wanted to talk to you about Jack. He is so doing well here and is super busy and has a great time! Since we are so busy, he could definitely use a bath each night or at least a rinse and fresh undereear. You know how kids his age are...they get stinky real quick ! If you don't have a washer and dryer at your apartment I can definitely wash his clothes if you need, so just lmk if I can help in any way!" Or something similar. Like Cat said...make him aware that YOU are aware and then give him a chance to handle it. And I don't go along with the idea that men aren't capable of keeping their children clean and need to be taught. If anything, the men I know are more clean and hygienic than the women I know!:: Because his time is limited with his child, I can understand him being kind of intimidated by the process, but parenting means that you work through the intimidation. You are the parent, they are the child. You have to do what's in their best interest, even if they don't care for it.

[Unregistered]

Maybe just have a talk at pick up. "Hey dad, I just wanted to talk to you about Jack. He is so doing well here and is super busy and has a great time! Since we are so busy, he could definitely use a bath each night or at least a rinse and fresh undereear. You know how kids his age are...they get stinky real quick ! If you don't have a washer and dryer at your apartment I can definitely wash his clothes if you need, so just lmk if I can help in any way!" Or something similar. Like Cat said...make him aware that YOU are aware and then give him a chance to handle it. And I don't go along with the idea that men aren't capable of keeping their children clean and need to be taught. If anything, the men I know are more clean and hygienic than the women I know!:: Because his time is limited with his child, I can understand him being kind of intimidated by the process, but parenting means that you work through the intimidation. You are the parent, they are the child. You have to do what's in their best interest, even if they don't care for it.

I texted him asking if he’d have a few minutes over the weekend to call me to chat. He hasn’t replied yet, I hope he does. When gma picked up I asked her if she knows how busy they are in the evenings and she said she doesn’t think they are. I let her know that I had washed his stuff this morning. I didn’t go into it much but I did let her know that I don’t feel he’s being kept quite as clean as he probably should. I did say “you know how hard kids can play and he’s definitely playing pretty hard and goes home pretty dirty” She seemed to get it, maybe she’ll talk to him too.

[Baby Beluga]

Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.

CH, issues like these and similar ones have been brought up many times and you always respond the same way: asking what home life is like, asking how you can help and offering resources.

You need commended for that lovethis

I'll be honest, asking what home life is like and how I can help isn't always my first response. But I feel like often times it should be.

[Cat Herder]

CH, issues like these and similar ones have been brought up many times and you always respond the same way: asking what home life is like, asking how you can help and offering resources.

You need commended for that lovethis

I'll be honest, asking what home life is like and how I can help isn't always my first response. But I feel like often times it should be.

Thank you, but for me it is only giving back what I received. I was the ignored/tolerated kid the teachers, neighbors and classmates parents looked out for. Most of them have passed, now.

[Gemma]

Okay so I have two spots to fill right now and got asked by a family if I could watch their 3yr old boy for one month which I said sure because why not. He’s really sweet and easy going, has a few behavioral problems but nothing I can’t handle throughout the day. The problem is that he smells. Terrible. He’s been coming for two weeks and I’m not sure he’s had a bath at all. He’s come wearing the same socks and underwear for this whole week. Last week he didn’t wear any underwear at all. I had to go buy some for him to wear so he’d have some on every day. He smells so strong I have a hard time hugging him or helping him with his table activities. I feel terrible saying all this! What do I do? This morning he arrived and my whole living room smells now. The dad is a single dad and only gets him every few months because mom lives out of state. I don’t know much about the family more than that. Dad seems incredibly nice and is interested in dcb’s day and behavior. Gma is picking up for the first time this afternoon.

I have 2 kids that smell like that!
I still want to cuddle them so on really bad days I strip them down, temporarily dress them with spare clothes , wash the clothes they were wearing and put them back on.
On days that are just a little bit smelly I Fabreeze their clothes::

[littlefriends]

Well he did call so that’s good! I asked him if there was any way I could help him out to make taking care of dcb easier for him as I know that he’s only with him for a short time and I worded it that I know kids that age can be a handful behavior wise for different parents. I said that I had noticed he might need a little help with dcb’s laundry. I suggested maybe bringing me 7 full outfits each Monday and I could wash them all so he’s always got something clean to wear. The conversation went really well, I was so crazy nervous at first to bring it up the right way but he was really receptive. He said the complex doesn’t have a laundry facility so he has to do laundry at friends houses. I’m so relieved he called and it went okay! :: I didn’t mention that I would report him if there’s no improvement but at least I know he’s aware that I’m aware now. I documented the call in my log.

[Rockgirl]

Well he did call so that’s good! I asked him if there was any way I could help him out to make taking care of dcb easier for him as I know that he’s only with him for a short time and I worded it that I know kids that age can be a handful behavior wise for different parents. I said that I had noticed he might need a little help with dcb’s laundry. I suggested maybe bringing me 7 full outfits each Monday and I could wash them all so he’s always got something clean to wear. The conversation went really well, I was so crazy nervous at first to bring it up the right way but he was really receptive. He said the complex doesn’t have a laundry facility so he has to do laundry at friends houses. I’m so relieved he called and it went okay! :: I didn’t mention that I would report him if there’s no improvement but at least I know he’s aware that I’m aware now. I documented the call in my log.

Glad he was receptive! Dcb will feel better in clean clothes, too.

The only thing I would’ve done differently is discussing it with grandma before dcd. I would have talked to him first, and tried to come up with a solution, before bringing grandma into it. But on the other hand, maybe a word from his mom is what he needs!

I hope things improve—good job on talking to him—sounds like you did great!