Would You Say Anything to This Family?

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:04 AM

Family or no family, I would terminate care, You never mix business and family together.

**Cat Herder** · 09-27-2018, 06:05 AM

Working with family is a bad idea, IMHO.

The toxic family drama triangle is something I'd shut down quickly. Those don't get better. You must cut the supply.

The informant is suspect, too. She enjoys it or she would not keep participating in it.

What are you getting out of it? (rhet)

**rosieteddy** · 09-27-2018, 06:06 AM

I would say nothing.I would also shut down the "tattletale".Maybe when she starts to give you the scoop say something like'hey please stop telling me these things,it just makes me feel bad and they are family".Maybe add this is a business and I have to treat everyone the same.Change the subject every time she will get the message.What good does the tattletale think will come from this?If your SIL says something to you then I would address it.Other than that let it go.Who of us has not vented right or wrong to someone else?Keep everything business like and you'll be fine.

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:09 AM

I would focus on following and enforcing policy with them the exact same as you would with anyone else. If it hits the point you would let another client go then do so, as it means they do not value or respect you.

**Blackcat31** · 09-27-2018, 06:13 AM

Originally posted by rosieteddy

I would say nothing.I would also shut down the "tattletale".Maybe when she starts to give you the scoop say something like'hey please stop telling me these things,it just makes me feel bad and they are family".Maybe add this is a business and I have to treat everyone the same.Change the subject every time she will get the message.What good does the tattletale think will come from this?If your SIL says something to you then I would address it.Other than that let it go.Who of us has not vented right or wrong to someone else?Keep everything business like and you'll be fine.

I agree with this ^

I'm more concerned about your willingness to listen to the other DCM. This really isn't her place to get involved and come back to you with all the things supposedly said about you. Stop allowing her and ANYTHING said or done at work according to her to be repeated to you.

Who cares what anyone said? As long as they follow your policies. If they can't drop off until 8:15 and complain to the bank teller, the cashier at the grocery store, the postman, the next door neighbor..... it's their right to complain....as long as they are following the policy.

A good rule of thumb in any type of service industry is to simply do your job (including following and enforcing your policies to ALL clients) and not allow he said/she said stuff to be part of it. When you do that, you are allowing yourself to be part of the problem too.

**Indoorvoice** · 09-27-2018, 06:14 AM

I had the exact same situation with my nephew (also dh's brother and his wife). It was absolutely awful. I gave them special most of the time and once in a while when I couldn't, they would lash out. No appreciation. I didn't have the tattle tale scenario, but bil and sil would always make little snide comments at social gatherings to other people loud enough so I would hear. It was really bad for our working relationship and for my relationship with my nephew. I ultimately had to term. I waited until they made a comment again at one of our social gatherings and called them out and terminated on the spot. Best decision I ever made. I will never ever take on family or friends again.

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:14 AM

We live in a small town, so I know all of my families on a personal level. I think this is why she tells me what's going on. it's not in a gossipy way, she just thinks i should know. and no, dcm does not feed into it. she doesn't like SIL mom, so i know she defends me. I actually appreciate it when she tells me, i probably wouldn't know they were bad mouthing me otherwise. like i said, we live in a small town, so i don't know who else they have complained about me to. it just comes down to the fact that if they have any concerns, it should be discussed with me, not others.

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:18 AM

And yes, I realize now mixing business and family is not a good idea, but I was very excited to watch my nephew and obviously didn't anticipate any problems.

**Blackcat31** · 09-27-2018, 06:21 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered

We live in a small town, so I know all of my families on a personal level. I think this is why she tells me what's going on. it's not in a gossipy way, she just thinks i should know. and no, dcm does not feed into it. she doesn't like SIL mom, so i know she defends me. I actually appreciate it when she tells me, i probably wouldn't know they were bad mouthing me otherwise. like i said, we live in a small town, so i don't know who else they have complained about me to. it just comes down to the fact that if they have any concerns, it should be discussed with me, not others.

This goes both ways....

if you have issues with your family then you should be discussing it with them.
NOT the DCM. This includes listening to her.

When you listen to the info she gives, YOU are participating in the drama...

Living in a small town has nothing to do with this.
It's just an excuse as to why someone thinks others shouldn't talk bad about them etc.

It's no different than DC client's that use the "single parent" excuse.
Small town, big town..... stop allowing DCM to feed you info period.

Address business issues with the client you have issues with and leave others out of it.

Family and friends can be great clients if you don't allow the family or friend part to be a priority over them being clients FIRST (regarding business).

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:27 AM

I will think on it and do what I think is best for this situation.
Thanks for the input!

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:32 AM

Originally posted by Blackcat31

This goes both ways....

if you have issues with your family then you should be discussing it with them.
NOT the DCM. This includes listening to her.

When you listen to the info she gives, YOU are participating in the drama...

Living in a small town has nothing to do with this.
It's just an excuse as to why someone thinks others shouldn't talk bad about them etc.

It's no different than DC client's that use the "single parent" excuse.
Small town, big town..... stop allowing DCM to feed you info period.

Address business issues with the client you have issues with and leave others out of it.

Family and friends can be great clients if you don't allow the family or friend part to be a priority over them being clients FIRST (regarding business).

I guess we are just different in that way. I would prefer to know if someone is bad mouthing myself and/or my business - especially when it is someone I provide a much needed service for.
I also do not discuss it with dcm - never said I did. Just because I listen, does not mean I respond to her.
Thank you for your input, though!

**Snowmom** · 09-27-2018, 06:45 AM

Anytime you give anyone "special" they expect special as the norm for them. They will often push for MORE special.

Family or not, do not give anyone special. Every one of your clients should get the same treatment across the board. This makes it much easier for you to enforce rules as well because you are being fair.

If it were me, I'd be getting tougher on them. I'd raise their rate to what others are paying and give them contracted hours that they can not go outside of. They shouldn't know what you're doing outside of those hours because it's none of their business- family or not.
Their hours and their pay is all they get a say in. They take it or leave it.

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:46 AM

Originally posted by Snowmom

Anytime you give anyone "special" they expect special as the norm for them. They will often push for MORE special.

Family or not, do not give anyone special. Every one of your clients should get the same treatment across the board. This makes it much easier for you to enforce rules as well because you are being fair.

If it were me, I'd be getting tougher on them. I'd raise their rate to what others are paying and give them contracted hours that they can not go outside of. They shouldn't know what you're doing outside of those hours because it's none of their business- family or not.
Their hours and their pay is all they get a say in. They take it or leave it.

They are paying what everyone else pays now, and have contracted days. I changed that for them in May. These are new conplaints

**Unregistered** · 09-27-2018, 06:48 AM

Be careful that you are not expecting special of them as well. Are they the only clients not permitted to drop off after 8:15?

Would You Say Anything to This Family?

Would You Say Anything to This Family?

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