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As a day home provider for 4 years I have dealt with my fair share of over concerned and under concerned parents. Right now I have a just turned 2 year old boy in care and he has been with me for only two months. His parents are separated so he is back n forth between both of them through out the week and dhp admit he doesnt have much of a routine. They just came to me saying the boy has said a few times no go to dayhome. Pretty typical I would say at the beginning of a week. He seems pretty happy here most the time. He is a busy boy so he definitely gets redirected a lot but I dont see that being a reason to not want to be here. Anyhow parents are apparently going to look for a new place being they are concerned he isnt happy. Is there anything I can say to them to ease them in? I tried to explain that having days of not wanting to be here is normal, even if he usually enjoys it. I think its his lack of routine at home that throws him off. I have talked to dhm and she just gives me excuses as to why routine doesnt stick. Seems like I always get that one spot that doesnt stay long, usually due to a parent that thinks something is up.
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I would not bother trying to talk them into staying. It doesn't sound like a good, long term fit to me. -
One tactic I have used is the analogy of work. It is a child's "work" to come to daycare each day. Even if you love your job and your co-workers, sometimes you just want to play hookie. Most often, after you get there you remember why you love your job and your co-workers and the morning hesitatin is soon forgotten. Little Timmy seems this way as well, even on days when he may have been hesitant, he is soon remembering why he loves his "job"Comment
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Nah there is nothing you can say other than you will give them free child care. If you tell them your care is free then his opinion won't matter. Other than that they are "adultizing" a two year old and pretending that the two year old knows best for himself.
In their parenting experience they need to have the life experience where they see that the child's opinion is that of a child or that they get bored with following the opinion of their child. Either one of those doesn't make you any money.
They may be the type that really love the attention of the interview process. There are some parents who their first experience of having someone 'work for them" is the day care. They get a lot of attention during the interview process and find for the first time in their life that someone cares about what THEY think and all they had to do was have sex, carry a baby for nine months, and give birth. A couple of months of parenting one kid and BAM you got people all about YOU.
Once the newness of that experience wears off they really want it again so they start the hunt. It's a really EASY thing to interview and it's a HUGE amount of attention to school the provider on "my child". Once day to day life starts to happen the attention level plumets and the "my child" they have in their heads rarely mimics a kid in a group. They want to do it again... and again.
You may have just been caught up in the cycle of attention getting parents. They are difficult to spot because they look a lot like the ones who are in it for finding good care and making an ADULT decision on what they want to spend their money on.Comment
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Thenext time they bring it up reply with,... I know. I agree that he would rather stay home instead of coming to childcare. I don't blame him. I would rather spend the day as one child with my mom, than one of 7at my play house. I would rather get one on one attention from mom than have to share time toys and giggles with my friends. Your kids smart!!! He has figured it out early. I promise you though - he plays and has fun. He just would much rather be with you. I am just his day friend and as hard as I try,... I'm not mommy. Would you like me to send pictures of him playing thru the day??Comment
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i love laundrymom's reply...and it's exactly true, what kid wouldn't want to stay at THEIR house with THEIR toys and THEIR mommy? Obviously that is what ALL kids want...switching daycares won't change it.
But, some parents are nuts, i once had a co-worker who pulled her 7 month old out of a daycare because he didn't smile everytime he saw the provider...which obvioulsy meant he didnt like her...
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And the parent says "he never did that at *** (insert previous day care) house. We take him to Gma's, Aunties, BFF's, and he NEVER says he doesn't want to go. He ONLY says that about YOUR house. He doesn't have ANY problem being without me. He's NEVER done this before".
What's the answer then?Comment
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If that's the truth then let me get this form for you,.... Ok two weeks notice would be,..... Feb 25 is the last day I'll be available for care. Excuse me please,.. I have someone on my waiting list that is hoping for me to call. Then I'd show them to the door.And the parent says "he never did that at *** (insert previous day care) house. We take him to Gma's, Aunties, BFF's, and he NEVER says he doesn't want to go. He ONLY says that about YOUR house. He doesn't have ANY problem being without me. He's NEVER done this before".
What's the answer then?Comment
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have you read the nanny de changing of the guard? The part that talks about the child giving up power and not wanting to hand it over to the provider....sounds like this kid fi ts that to a "T"....
a few of my kids cry in the morning and say I dont want to stay with Miss..... (even after a year) so I get down to their eye level and I say to them right in front of their parents " what?? you don't like me anymore? what did i do to you that you don't want to stay with me anynore? or one of the other kids do to you? "I thought you and I were friends? The kids will always say" no you are my friend I just want my mommy or daddy"..... ends really quick..Comment
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i wouldn't try to convince them to stay. it ****s to feel like they don't trust you, but trying to convince them is sort of admitting you've done something "wrong" IMO.
he probably just misses his parents if he's back and forth between them. my son LOVED going to daycare and then when my MIL retired she started keeping him a lot (no real routine), but he still went to daycare too. once he got a taste of staying with grandma, he started throwing fits on the days he had to go to dc. they'll see when he does the same thing with his next provider that it wasn't you.Comment
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Yes, I agree with all of you, there isnt much I can do at this point other then let them make the decision to leave and see that he has the same reaction elsewhere. I think its the lack of routine and 2 days here, 1 day at dad's, the next with mom. He is all over the place. I know there is no reason to not enjoy being here and its normal to prefer home whether the provider's place is enjoyable or not, guess its always a little hard to not take it personally when it seems they assume something is going on. Thanks
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If it's not that concern, it will be something else. Let them go get their much needed super-parent attention somewhere else.Comment
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