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So I have parents of a 2 1/2 yr old little boy who is in my care part time during the week, he has been in my care since before he could even crawl- lately they have been coming to me at least once a week about this new bump or bruise on his leg and asking me where they came from.....actually I had noticed all of them....and noticed them at his morning diaper change after he gets here, so I KNOW they aren't happening here at my home! Now last week they came to me with concerns about him smelling like cigarette smoke at pick up one day, I dont smoke, but DH does-and ONLY outside, never near the kids....he has NEVER smoked in our home. It's really starting to bother me with these accusations- this is my only parent who comes to me with any problems! Im a newby at this-this only being my 3rd year in daycare-but why am I getting so angry and aggravated with this......
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The second the door shuts behind the Mom when she drops off strip him and note EVERYTHING that's on his body... bumps, bruises, skin irritations etc. Text or call mom right away with all your findings and ask her how he got them.
Then change him into YOUR clothes and hang his clothes outside all day or ziploc them and put them in the freezer.
Before pick up do another assesment and redress him into his clothes.
When she claims a bruise came from your house you have proof in writing that it came from some time when he wasn't there. Make it a point to bring up EVERYTHING with her. Make it clear you are bringing it up because you don't want it attributed to anything on your clock.
Once you do this once THEN start asking her at the door: Does he have ANY bums, marks, bruises, scabs I need to know about? Bring it up EVERY day at drop off. When she comes to pick up bring it up again. "I checked him from head to toe and I don't see anything on him that wasn't here when he arrived. Let's look at him together JUST to make sure".
She'll get bored with it pretty quickly.
When she claims his clothes smell like smoke tell her that he did not wear the clothes at your house and it must be some smell from her enviornment.
Two can play that game.
The next thing she will come up with is that he "said" this or that at home or "did" this or that at home and he couldn't have learned that from home. When she realizes you can prove the bumps and bruises and have found a way around the clothes smell she will come up with something that can't be proven.
Once she gets into the "you can't prove it" phase then just start saying back to her what she says to you: "he COULDN'T have learned that word here... it's impossible". "He has NEVER done that here... that's impossible".
Just be firm and let her know that two can play that game and it's not much fun when she's on the hotseat.
Sometimes Mom's do this so they can get their "my child" Mama Bear on. It's only for their self soothing or for their position as a Mother. It doesn't really MEAN anything ... it's just something to easily DO that makes you Mama of the year... the bestest Mama ever... the protector of "my child".
It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with you and your care. It's about the Moms fixation so just work thru it and stay firm. She doesn't get to play Mama Bear to a cub that's not at risk. -
I would do what nannyde suggested, check the child over for any bruises and make some notes. As for the smoke smell, smoke lingers, even thou he may not smoke inside it may linger with him. I would febreeze him before he goes home.Comment
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my home is VERY clean! You would never know that he smokes unless you were here and smelled him immediatley after smoking a cigarette. And he usually isn't here during daycare hours because he is working.... I have nothing to hide from any of my daycare parents. Just plucked my nerve even being insinuated that I would let him smoke around other children I'm caring for. There is no covering up if someone is smoking in your house no matter how much you try....Comment
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I guess I'll state the obvious:
Does your DH play with/ hang around the kids? If so, then the parents might have a legitimate complaint. On that point alone, you might talk to hubby.
Otherwise, check for bruises together as a concerned team. Like Nan says, she'll bore of that routine once she realizes you've stopped beating her kid. (kidding)Comment
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As far as briuising, it is possible for a child to leave your house and then have a bruise pop up overnoght. I say BIG DEAL! Ley Mom know that it is very common at this age for children to get bruises, especially on the shins....they are PLAYING, including running and falling, climbing and bumping body parts on climbing equipment, etc. SO WHAT!!!!! Now, if he was coming home with open wounds or bruises in the shape of an object or handprint, Mom would have legitimaite complaint, otherwise it's from PLAYING!!!!!
Concerning cigarette smell, if Mom is a non-smoker, even the slightest smell from cigs are going to be noticed. Instead of febreezing the kid, tell your hubby to febreeze himself after he smokes,
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Personally, I would be giving this parent end of care notice. I would simply tell her that it is obvious that she isn't trusting in your care and because of this you are not a good match for each other.
Maybe then she'll quicky come around and agree to play fairly or she'll agree and move on.
I wouldn't waste my energy dealing with this.Comment
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i've told this story once before - but my mom saw me smoking ONE time a long time ago (i wasn't a "heavy smoker" and i don't smoke now) but i had been doing it for awhile before she ever actually saw me with her own two eyes.
after the day that she SAW me smoking she started claiming that my daughter "smelled like a cigarette" when she went to her house. i knew it couldn't be true, but just for fun i sent her to her house with fresh clothes on after a bath and her change of clothes were BRAND NEW off the rack and had gone straight from the store to my trunk and then into my mom's house. she still tried the "it smells like a cigarette" game and was stumped when i told her what i'd done. she would still claim to smell cigs long after i had stopped smoking. i know people who don't smoke are sensitive to the smell (i always was) but when they only claim to smell it after they know you (or he in this case) is a smoker - i think it's more of a mind thing - convincing themselves they smell it.
if she didn't know your DH smoked, it would be a non-issue i'm sure. i agree with nannyde - bag his clothes up and do inspections of his body. i bet if you told her your DH quit smoking her child suddenly wouldn't smell like a cigarette anymore.Comment
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