Not Knowing How To Play?

[Danielle]

I have a dck that doesn't seem to know how to play alone. She's 4, not an only child and generally a good kid. Anytime we do free play she's always bored and asks to watch tv (which I only allow at drop-off and nap). She also asks about a million times "what are we doing next?'...even if we have JUST started a craft.

I sat down and figured it out, she's here about 9 hours and on days that we don't have story time we have structured time (meals, stories, "school", circle time, nap) for about 5 1/2 hours a day. Is 3 1/2 hours (spread out through out the day) of free play too much to ask of a 4 year old? My son, 3, and the other 4 year old don't have a problem.

I'm a bit frustrated and need some ideas before next week.

[ninosqueridos]

I don't think that's too much free play at all - in fact, the 5 1/2 hours is a lot of structured time. Besides challenging her a bit more with crafts so it takes her longer, I think she'll just have to figure out how to play and entertain herself. How long has she been in your care? Perhaps still adjusting? If she's bored, she could always lay down for a nap.

[Danielle]

She is new...started beginning of January. And she's normally only here 3-4 days a week.

[nannyde]

I would stop all activities for a few weeks and just have her free play. I wouldn't read a book, do a craft, do circle time... NOTHING but "go play toys".

When she is asking you what you will do next she is claiming her future. She's trying to get it set up so she has minute to minute adult generated happiness.

At her age she should be able to free play all day every day without a hitch. She's a young kid. Playing is her job.

With every "what are we doing next" she's BEGGING you to set limits so she can find her own way. She is telling you she has WAY too much stimulation and she needs YOU to small up her world. Her world is good food, excellent deep sleep, exercise, the other kids, and the toys. As the adult your job is to supervise her and make sure she gets the good food, sleep, and the safe toy and "kid rich" environment.

I would get her world really small and focused on what's really important and give her no choice but to find her way. At her age she should be a leader in play, an entertainer of the younger kids, and need very little adult involvement in her minute to minute happiness.

Cut out the TV completely if you can and pick a phrase to tell her what you expect. I use "go play toys". I have two four year old girls here and you could give them a pencil eraser and a stick and they could play for HOURS with it They KNOW how to play. They don't watch tv, we don't entertain them, and they don't have any behavior issues.

Imagine back to when you were four. Did you have an adult to ask what THEY will do for you NEXT? If you think about it it is pretty sad. She's at the peek of her toddler/preschool aged and she can't think of a thing to do? She should be filled with imagination, be able to make a lot out of a little, and not even WANT you to be involved when she has mates to play with.

Have her go play and check back in a month or so. When you start to reintegrate "adult generated" activities make them singly and short and then have the rest of the day be "go play". Do it at unpredictable times and don't do a single thing if she then starts asking again. If she asks you again then she is telling you she's not ready for anything more than "go play toys". You will know how much adult she can take by how little she needs it to be happy.