Staring

[Jdy2222]

I have a child, just turned 2, who stares at me all the time. She's not very good at entertaining herself so will sit and stare at me. It's lovely. If another child tells her what to do she's much better, but if no one is directing her I get stared at.

I've read another thread here that suggested it may be due to excessive television which is probably spot on with this one. She has a younger sister, almost 1, so Mom had her hands full and let Paw Patrol be on constantly.

She's a bright girl, very good memory and verbal skills. Talks a lot and injects herself into the middle of every conversation, no matter what the subject or who I'm actually talking to. But if I ask her a question I'm likely to not get an answer or get "yes" (What would you like for lunch? Yes.)

Anyway, my question ... if you've had a starer what have you done to help them stop? I'm constantly saying "Go play", "go play toys", "stop staring please" and that works, for a little bit, but not long, and she acts very dejected. Usually that leads to her laying next to her baby sister and being entertained by her. She's been with me a few months and I've seen very little, if any, change.

[Unregistered]

I have a child, just turned 2, who stares at me all the time. She's not very good at entertaining herself so will sit and stare at me. It's lovely. If another child tells her what to do she's much better, but if no one is directing her I get stared at.

I've read another thread here that suggested it may be due to excessive television which is probably spot on with this one. She has a younger sister, almost 1, so Mom had her hands full and let Paw Patrol be on constantly.

She's a bright girl, very good memory and verbal skills. Talks a lot and injects herself into the middle of every conversation, no matter what the subject or who I'm actually talking to. But if I ask her a question I'm likely to not get an answer or get "yes" (What would you like for lunch? Yes.)

Anyway, my question ... if you've had a starer what have you done to help them stop? I'm constantly saying "Go play", "go play toys", "stop staring please" and that works, for a little bit, but not long, and she acts very dejected. Usually that leads to her laying next to her baby sister and being entertained by her. She's been with me a few months and I've seen very little, if any, change.

Redirect once and ignore unless it's something important. This behavior won't stop unless nipped in the bud.

[Josiegirl]

Not sure that I'd ever had a starer but it sounds like this little one just hasn't learned how to interact with others or play by herself yet. And if she's been entertained all this time by tv, then she probably needs to be shown how doing those things works. Children don't always magically know how to become engaged in activities. Does she have favorite things she likes to do? Has she befriended certain children in your group? I'd guide her towards 1 or 2 different things or ask Suzie to help her build towers with blocks, play tea party in your play kitchen area, etc.. Maybe she's overwhelmed and just saying go play doesn't really help sift through that.

[Jamie]

Pull out a specific box of toys for her and sit her down with that. Let's say it's a box of animals. Limited options always work.
When she gets up/goes to baby sister, redirect her "Go play with the animals".
When she stares at you, either ignore her og redirect her "Go play with the animals."
Remove her from any other option but to entertain herself with the animals.

[Jdy2222]

I like the one box of toys idea. Going to give that a try today.

I've spent a lot of time "teaching" her how to play and be creative, while still trying to leave the play open-ended so she can take it and keep going. I've also encouraged the SA kids to do the same - play kitchen and include her, etc. It's not helping much. She doesn't go back to those things.

As far as friends, there is only one other 2 year old and she's only 2 days a week. That one is pretty good at directing so those days are good until she goes home. The rest of the time this one is the oldest.

Thanks for the great ideas!

[Jamie]

I don't believe that children can be "taught" how to play, especially not by adults.
Children in poor countries with no adult interaction or supervision know how to play.
Children NEED to play to develop their brain, their skills in ALL kinds of ways, and play is their work. No play = no development.
Thus, I don't believe that she is learning ANYTHING about play when you direct her play - she is only learning that she needs you for anything and everything, and it doesn't matter how open-ended you leave it, she's not going to grab the opportunity because she has been taught that she is NOT CAPABLE of entertaining herself.
You need to just leave her, and trust that she will figure it out when given no other options. She's probably gonna stare at that box of animals for a couple of days. That's her choice. But she WILL learn. The need to play is so deeply ingrained in children that they WILL figure it out, because they CANNOT be satisfied without it :hug:

As you can see, play is very important to me
Independent play, alone and with friends (NOT ME!) is the most important part of my daycare :hug:

[Blackcat31]

I don't believe that children can be "taught" how to play, especially not by adults.
Children in poor countries with no adult interaction or supervision know how to play.
Children NEED to play to develop their brain, their skills in ALL kinds of ways, and play is their work. No play = no development.
Thus, I don't believe that she is learning ANYTHING about play when you direct her play - she is only learning that she needs you for anything and everything, and it doesn't matter how open-ended you leave it, she's not going to grab the opportunity because she has been taught that she is NOT CAPABLE of entertaining herself.
You need to just leave her, and trust that she will figure it out when given no other options. She's probably gonna stare at that box of animals for a couple of days. That's her choice. But she WILL learn. The need to play is so deeply ingrained in children that they WILL figure it out, because they CANNOT be satisfied without it :hug:

As you can see, play is very important to me
Independent play, alone and with friends (NOT ME!) is the most important part of my daycare :hug:

While I fully support and recommend play as THE best curriculum ever, I disagree with the above bolded statement.

If she can be taught that she is not capable, she can be taught the opposite as well.

If she has the potential to learn, she can learn anything we set our minds to teaching.

I think many kids miss out on the deeper levels of play and really only perform on the surface or just go through the motions they've been shown or taught, teachers and caregivers can provide opportunities for the kids to learn how to think on a deeper level and therefore learn to play correctly and with reason.

Teaching children to observe, hypothesize and re-enact what someone else demonstrates CAN be beneficial to those kids that don't know how to play.

I agree that many kids in different societal situations aren't "taught" to play in the same manner we think of when we say that but I don't think it means they were just automatically born with the skill set to play. They too, observe, hypothesize and re-enact as well as engage in trial and error type activities that teach them to play or entertain themselves without requiring an adult to interact, demonstrate and/or participate.


OP~ I would buddy her up with an older child. The amount of learning/sharing that happens when you partner up kids of different skill levels is amazing and beneficial to both kids.

[Ariana]

Is she still trying to get a read on you? My first instinct is that this child does not feel safe. Maybe a smile when she stares or asking her if she is ok will go a long way?

I had a kid like this who had a lot of issues going on at home. She was a very timid and scared/insecure child. It took her a while to warm up to me.