Parent Text, How to Respond

[Baby Beluga]

DCM sent me a text asking why I don't allow my DD to see her DD (who is not enrolled) when she picks up her son. DCM brought her DD in to pick up her DS, and her DD asked to see my DD. I told her she was in her room. DCM's DD fussed a little bit and said she never gets to see my DD. I wished them a good night and went about my evening.

Few minutes later I get a text from DCM telling me her DD has been crying wince they left because she couldn't see my DD and DCM doesn't understand why my DD is always in her room when they come.

How do I respond to this?

DD leaves the room for a few reasons.

1) she acts out when parents are here. We all know our children do this

2) DD is 6. She is old enough to understand what I am saying to parents in regard to their chikds day and it's a privacy issue.

3) It's my BUSINESS. If I don't want my DD in the classroom at arrival and departure times, she won't be.

[boy_mom]

I probably wouldn't even respond, you don't owe the mom an explanation and her child doesn't need on either!

[Jdy2222]

I'd just tell her it's nothing personal, that your kiddos enjoy a little "me" time so you can give 100% of your focus to work and your daycare children and families at drop off and pick up time.

But really ... sounds like someone(s) overreacted.

[Cat Herder]

"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here.

[nannyde]

"My dd has friends visiting after school who cry if she doesn't play with them and give them her undivided attention. If she came out to see your daughter they would cry. That would be so upsetting to their mothers. I'm sure you understand."

[Unregistered]

"If you have any questions regarding DS and his care, I will be happy to answer them."

[Baby Beluga]

Thanks everyone.

I emailed and told her it was due to privacy reasons and my DD completing her nightly homework and chores so we could spend family time together without distractions. And it's true. Parents and I discuss a lot of private stuff in regard to their children at pick up and drop off times. DD is old enough to understand what is being talked about and it's none of DD's business. In addition, I have 2 hours between the end of work and my children's bedtime to spend with them. It is filled with dinner, bath, stories, play time, talking about our day, etc. If homework/chores aren't done prior to that then that takes away from our uninterrupted family time

What upset me the most, was she made this personal. Asked if her daughter did something to upset me or my DD and that's why I made no offer for my DD to come out and say hi to her DD. DCM was upset because her child was crying at not seeing my DD....but mom did not ask permission or get an okay with me before saying anything to her DD. How can she get upset at me for promising her DD something without checking with me first?

[Baby Beluga]

"My dd has friends visiting after school who cry if she doesn't play with them and give them her undivided attention. If she came out to see your daughter they would cry. That would be so upsetting to their mothers. I'm sure you understand."

:: :: ::

[Ariana]

She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

[Josiegirl]

She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

SO true. Tears. Manipulates mom every time.

[Play Care]

"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here.

Yep.

And this is why I started sending my own kids to preschool, camps, lessons, and even play dates, etc. during day care. Parents truly start thinking your kids/family is part of the "package" they pay for.
I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!"
Part of why I keep everything separate.

[Josiegirl]

I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!"

I know I would've shrugged something like that off but oh the replies I'd come up with after the fact. Just makes you wonder why some parents become parents. Honestly wonder.

[Kimskiddos]

"She is doing her homework before family dinner. "

Also, she does not work here.

[Blackcat31]

Why didn't DCM extend an invite to your DD to play with her DD on HER watch if her child is so upset?

[Baby Beluga]

She probably gets easily offended and is now passing that trait onto her kid. As a mom I would have listed a million reasons to my child as to why your DD was not available and told her to get over it and never in a million years would I have taken this personally! Some people think everything is about them.

Absolutely. This isn't the first time I have not allowed DD to come out when DCM's DD requested it. I would have thought mom would have gotten the hint and told her own DD not to ask or to remain in the car :confused:

Yep.

And this is why I started sending my own kids to preschool, camps, lessons, and even play dates, etc. during day care. Parents truly start thinking your kids/family is part of the "package" they pay for.
I had a parent be shocked that I closed on a Federal holiday when my kids were little, because even though they were off they wanted to send their DD in. They even said to me "it's not like you won't have any kids!"
Part of why I keep everything separate.

I would love to be able to send her to a camp, lesson, etc during part of DC hours but can't. I don't transport my DCK's and there would be no way to get D to/from the camp, lesson, etc. So we manage here

But yes, totally, parents start to think your child(ren) are part of what they pay for. My DD lives here. This is her home. And although she loves the DCK's and enjoys spending time with them she is not a regular part of DC due to her own commitments and responsibilities.

And privacy!!! Mom is an RN so I would think (?) she would get that. A DCP is not going to look at me and ask if I can send my child to another room so they can talk to me about custody arrangements, behavior issues, payment issues, etc. So it is up to ME to ensure that she is already out the room so parents have the opportunity to discuss those issues with me. Because that is what they pay for

I can tell mom was not satisfied with my explanation. She usually uses exclamation points and smiley faces in her correspondence. This time there was none of that in her response.