How to Break the News?

[Muffin]

Thank you all for your replies to my first post yesterday, concerning the manipulative 6 year old child I have taken on. I adore her 2 year old brother, but the girl is quite difficult.

Your advice was unanimous: I need to terminate the child from my care.

Now the question is: How do I go about approaching the parents about this? Ideally I don't want to lose the boy, as he is darling and gets along nicely with my two other toddlers.

The family has sitter-hopped quite a bit recently, and the mother had a list of reasons why -one sitter was mean, one sitter didn't change diapers frequently enough, one sitter was unreliable. She spoke very unkindly of them. I now suspect that it was the sitters that terminated the family and not the other way around. I fear ending up on the list of childcare providers this woman speaks badly about - and in a small town, that can be career ruining. I need to handle this very carefully.

[Ac114]

I think she will probably speak unkindly about you no matter how you broach the subject. And hopefully the next caregiver will catch on when they interview of the red flags as what she has to say about the previous providers.

Back to what you should say: “This week was a really good trial week before starting summer care and unfortunately I don’t think it’s a good fit. I understand this can cause you to seek care for Johnny somewhere else as well and I will be sad to see them both go. Good Luck and here are few names of other caregivers”

[Josiegirl]

This was from boymom's reply; I thought this was a good way to say it. You will still risk losing the 2 yo; I don't think there's any way around that. But more dcks will come. And nothing you can do about her making things up about you. You'll be forever walking on eggshells if you try to keep that from happening. Good luck with telling the dcps!!

Boymom replied: "The only diplomatic approach I can think of is to say your program is not best suited for a school age child for the summer. Let the parents know this Easter week was a good trial run, but the age group is not one you can work with."

[Blackcat31]

This was from boymom's reply; I thought this was a good way to say it. You will still risk losing the 2 yo; I don't think there's any way around that. But more dcks will come. And nothing you can do about her making things up about you. You'll be forever walking on eggshells if you try to keep that from happening. Good luck with telling the dcps!!

Boymom replied: "The only diplomatic approach I can think of is to say your program is not best suited for a school age child for the summer. Let the parents know this Easter week was a good trial run, but the age group is not one you can work with."

I agree! The best approach to a situation like this is to make it about the child and that your program isn't able to meet her needs.

She needs an environment suited to her age and activity level which isn't always family daycare.

The older child is 6, the younger child is 2.
Most parents easily recognize that the needs of a 6 yr old and the needs of a 2 yr old are vastly different.

I'd go that route.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

I think she will probably speak unkindly about you no matter how you broach the subject. And hopefully the next caregiver will catch on when they interview of the red flags as what she has to say about the previous providers.

Back to what you should say: “This week was a really good trial week before starting summer care and unfortunately I don’t think it’s a good fit. I understand this can cause you to seek care for Johnny somewhere else as well and I will be sad to see them both go. Good Luck and here are few names of other caregivers”

Someone else on the forum (don't remember who/when) advised to never plant the seed if you would want to keep the other child. It is likely that they will pull, but let that be their idea not yours.

[storybookending]

I would do what was advised and say that while you enjoyed having her for Spring Break that it has made you realize that your program may not be the best for a child of her age and that you cannot take her on full time in the summer. I know you haven’t enjoyed this time so you don’t have to say that part but make it clear that she is too old for your program. Spin it as it being in her best interest to be around older kids where she can thrive and grow and not be stuck to the routine of home daycare and being with children far below her age level.

[Ariana]

I would also add some positives about the kid, that she is bright and articulate (you aren’t lying!) and that your program is best suited for younger kids. She would do much better in an older program that challenges her...yadda yadda. Minimize the damage that way by appealing to their ego.

You definitely cannot control whether or not a parent bad mouths you though and hopefully the next caregiver will give you the benefit of the doubt!