Non-Verbal 3.5 yr old Advice?

[SunflowerMama]

I've got an almost 4yr old dcg who will go half the day, sometimes more completely non verbal. She'll grunt for things and at friends, point, etc. but will not use her words. She's very impulsive, does not follow directions and has moments of rage, anger, physical aggression toward the other kids and sometimes me but is a very intelligent kid. At home she does the same. Parents are very laissez faire and constantly blame things on her being tired. They never acknowledge areas where she's struggling that I have brought to their attention and always blame things away.

She's quickly being pushed out of the 3/4s peer groups because they get frustrated with her limited communication with them so they just leave her alone and move onto something else which is sad to watch. On days when she's talking, communicating well and using her words she does great but the non-verbal periods are starting to out-number the others.

Advice would be great!! Parents rarely take my advice on anything so it would just be something I could implement here and just share with them.

[Ariana]

This is a side effect of children who are sat in front of the tv or the tablet all day long at home. It is a new generation of kids with no language, emotional regulation or parental face time.

I would push for a langauge assessment and terminate if they refuse OR just keep going and work on some face to face time with her theough talking and reading books.

[SunflowerMama]

This is a side effect of children who are sat in front of the tv or the tablet all day long at home. It is a new generation of kids with no language, emotional regulation or parental face time.

I would push for a langauge assessment and terminate if they refuse OR just keep going and work on some face to face time with her theough talking and reading books.

I just need a really clear way (or to find a recommendation form) to bring up getting her assessed. Parents are SUPER anti-testing, labels, doctors, etc., etc. I KNOW exactly what they'll say. She's totally normal, just stubborn and wants to do things her own way, etc. but I'm seeing impulse behaviors daily that do make me fearful for others at times and her lack of communication most days is really hard to manage at times especially with the needs of the other kids.

[storybookending]

Just a clarification before giving my opinion.. the child can and does talk sometimes but just chooses not to most of the time?

[Mom2Two]

Def needs an assessment. Have them call your local school district.

[SunflowerMama]

Just a clarification before giving my opinion.. the child can and does talk sometimes but just chooses not to most of the time?

Yes. She does and can just chooses not to.

[hwichlaz]

When they decline to have her assessed, have a termination notice ready.

[Ariana]

Yes. She does and can just chooses not to.

Then I am not sure what the problem is really. If she has no delays and CAN talk it is her choice when she wants to talk. Thats my opinion. You can’t control whether or not others like her based on that.

Just my 2 cents

[hwichlaz]

Then I am not sure what the problem is really. If she has no delays and CAN talk it is her choice when she wants to talk. Thats my opinion. You can’t control whether or not others like her based on that.

Just my 2 cents

It’s a warning sign for a few dev. disabilities.

[storybookending]

Yes. She does and can just chooses not to.

It could be something or it could be nothing. My cousin at 3.5 didn’t talk AT ALL.. they had him assessed and they kept saying since there were no other signs to just wait it out and one day he just snapped out of it and by 4.5 you never would have known it took him that long to speak. He’s 14 now and has no disabilities.


I’d say the fact that she can talk but isn’t is better than not talking and not being able. I would just try not to let it bother me and praise her over the top when she is using her words. I wouldn’t push the parents for an assessment just yet. Mark 6 months on a calendar and if nothing changes by then and she’s not having any other issues then bring it up to parents again.

[Ariana]

It’s a warning sign for a few dev. disabilities.

With nothing else present it is not. It *might* be selective mutism but that is not a developmental disability. Impulse control issues at this age are also pretty common especially in a child that has no boundaries and structure.

[Tigerlilly]

This is a side effect of children who are sat in front of the tv or the tablet all day long at home. It is a new generation of kids with no language, emotional regulation or parental face time.

I would push for a langauge assessment and terminate if they refuse OR just keep going and work on some face to face time with her theough talking and reading books.

I too would talk to the parents about seeking speech therapy. But I will say that my middle son had a speech delay and I felt terrible thinking I had done something to cause it. I had always read to him daily and still do. I constantly talked to him and asked questions. He just did not want to talk. Turns out there is a genetic component to speech delay.

[MrsJ]

If dcp are not willing to seek advise from a physician I would offer to reassess at a certain point. Maybe 3 mos timeframe. Then chat again. Keep notes in that time.
Sometimes people can speak but have trouble communicating in whole or get caught up somewhere along the way through the day. There could be so many ways to assist and sounds like room for improvement. I would def get this checked out.
Do you offer or are you required to give screenings as part of daycare every 6 mos?

[Blackcat31]

With nothing else present it is not. It *might* be selective mutism but that is not a developmental disability. Impulse control issues at this age are also pretty common especially in a child that has no boundaries and structure.

I agree.... I have a non-verbal 3 yr old too.
Not because of any developmental disability or because of any medical issues....just because the child refuses.

There is no boundaries, no structure, no rules and definitely no consequences for ANYTHING at home so child simply refuses to speak here because they can.

I see it more of a control issue or power struggle in my situation though because my kiddo will chit chat all day long with others when they want to but the minute any response or reply is required, the child simply clams up and won't say a thing.

I had a discussion in regards to saying "Please" and "Thank you" with the parent as the child was missing out on some things here as those words are absolutely necessary in some situations and the parent looked at me like I had 3 heads and said "Well they don't HAVE to say Please or Thank you at home so I don't see why they HAVE to here either."

Um, yeah....

So I just go about my day and don't push any type of speaking but the child definitely misses out on a lot of things because they won't speak but until that becomes the child's issue the child is going to stay mute. By choice.

As far as the assessment goes....I inform parent but I can't make or force them have their child assessed. I wouldn't term a family for not having an assessment done unless the behavior (requiring assessment) became a danger or big issue here.

If that happened, I would term based on not being able to provide what child needs but not because parent didn't or wouldn't get an assessment done.

[SunflowerMama]

I agree.... I have a non-verbal 3 yr old too.
Not because of any developmental disability or because of any medical issues....just because the child refuses.

There is no boundaries, no structure, no rules and definitely no consequences for ANYTHING at home so child simply refuses to speak here because they can.

I see it more of a control issue or power struggle in my situation though because my kiddo will chit chat all day long with others when they want to but the minute any response or reply is required, the child simply clams up and won't say a thing.

I had a discussion in regards to saying "Please" and "Thank you" with the parent as the child was missing out on some things here as those words are absolutely necessary in some situations and the parent looked at me like I had 3 heads and said "Well they don't HAVE to say Please or Thank you at home so I don't see why they HAVE to here either."

Um, yeah....

So I just go about my day and don't push any type of speaking but the child definitely misses out on a lot of things because they won't speak but until that becomes the child's issue the child is going to stay mute. By choice.

As far as the assessment goes....I inform parent but I can't make or force them have their child assessed. I wouldn't term a family for not having an assessment done unless the behavior (requiring assessment) became a danger or big issue here.

If that happened, I would term based on not being able to provide what child needs but not because parent didn't or wouldn't get an assessment done.

YES! Sounds like we have the exact same kiddo. She'll chatter up a storm with the other kids but when I'm giving her direction and asking her to do something she doesn't want to do...silent time. Parents ask I don't do time outs as they don't do that at home so it's something foreign to her. They said she'll "make her own choices when the time is right and she wants to do it". Oh...ok I told her we do time outs here and she'll eventually figure out the process and the action/consequence concept. Lol! No boundaries or structure at home and it's so, so obvious here.