Ideas or What to Do?

[tenderhearts]

Co-sleeping absolutely plays a role in this issues.
Your DS may co-sleep as well but it's obvious you support and encourage independent behaviors whereas this family has outright told the provider they do not encourage or support but instead are hostages to their own child.

I don't believe for one second it's separation anxiety but instead is "You won't be MY adult like my parents are and I don't like that" type of reaction to an environment where the adult is in control and not allowing her to be.

If this were a 3 yr old, I might think differently but this child is 5 and is not a newly enrolled child.

Exactly!!

[tenderhearts]

Plus I think what bothers me the most about her sitting here and crying is that it doesn't just effect her, it effects everyone, no one wants to hear someone cry all day, not to mention it upsets another child.

[Blackcat31]

I feel like a bad provider though if I told them to pick her up or if I told them that they need to find other care.

You are NOT a bad provider for asking the parents to pick up a child that is crying. Its not fair for her, not fair to you and definitely not fair to the other kids to have to endure that.

As a parent, I'd be upset if I thought my non-crying child was subjected to non-stop whining, crying from a 5 yr old....it's VERY stressful and for those too young to understand or manage, that type of stimulation is negative and it impacts their well being more than we realize.

Any provider that has felt the relief of not having a difficult child in care can related to that feeling of exhilaration and automatic feeling of less stress when the difficult child is not present for the day. Imagine a child having to handle that.. :confused:

I don't think you should terminate their care but I definitely think you need to set up some rules/boundaries with both the child and the parents. Discuss how long and maybe for what reasons you will deal with the crying and what length of time or what things you are not willing to endure and will then call for pick up.

If she is clearly crying for no real reason other than you will not be her adult, have a swift and immediate consequence for her....(straight to nap time maybe) and if you are planning to go outside, let the parent know ahead of time that you will be going outside today after snack at 3:00 so she'll need to get picked up prior to that time so the wind doesn't scare her.

I don't know...I think it's fixable but only with firm boundaries, consequences and the willingness to give back a large portion of the issue to the parents to manage since they are cultivating it and not trying to stop it.

********************

Another tactic ...

Sometime totally buying into what the parent says works well... "Oh, mom you are absolutely right! I can see that Janie is terrified of the wind. I don't want her to get upset this afternoon so you'll probably have to make arrangements to have someone come pick her up before we go out at 3:00. I know it is inconvenient but gosh, I just don't want Janie to cry and be scared so I'm sure you totally understand. Thanks! See you a little before 3:00"

That ^^ type of thing.

[tenderhearts]

I just don't know exactly what to say to them, I"m not good with things like this. I'm just so frustrated. Yesterday she didn't do much crying, but today she has been crying all day long. I have no idea why, I ask her and all she says is she misses her mom and dad. She started crying at lunch and I know why because she didn't like what they were having. She didn't say that but I know because it was right after someone asked what was for lunch. (when I know someone doesn't particularly like something I always make sure there are other options, fruit, veggie that they do like). She is now crying again.
I know that I need to say or do something. Today at lunch all the kids were talking about her crying and asking why she is crying. I quietly told mom a couple of days ago that it was a rough day and figuring she would call and want to talk about it, they haven't.

[happymom]

Have they had her assessed by an ENT to make sure she doesn't have any problems with her ears?

[tenderhearts]

Hmm what would ear problems have to do with it? Just curious :confused:

[happymom]

Hmm what would ear problems have to do with it? Just curious :confused:

My thought process is that if she has a problem with her ear, maybe the wind causes her pain? My son had chronic ear infections and when he has an ear infection he acts JUST LIKE you describe. Sensitive ears could be worsened by the wind or swimming.

I'm not sure, just an idea.

[tenderhearts]

Oh I see what you mean.
Well according to her parents an incident happened at her grandparents that they are not exactly sure what happened but something with wind, a branch falling off a tree and her getting wet in a puddle, they are not sure how all of this went into play. So I don't think it's her ears but to rule it out I can suggest it to her parents. Thanks

[happymom]

It seems far out there now that I think about it.

The behavior just really reminded me of my son when he was having frequent ear infections. I'd notice the behaviors first, and then a few hours later he wouldn't eat and then we'd be treating an ear infection that night.

I'm sorry you are dealing with it though, it sounds like a nightmare.