Leaves Me Shaking My Head.......

[CityGarden]

But is it age appropriate to give a 22 month old the power/choice to refuse all options at multiple stores until the CHILD decides they find something they like/want? That was the case in this situation.

I guess what I am getting at, is I am surprised/shocked at parents giving children, at such young ages, so much say so in decisions about everything in their lives. Not just clothes/shoes, but food they want for meals, bedtimes, etc.
I totally understand listening to your children's opinions and giving them choices as they age, but I feel like some parents go over the top with this and let the children "run the show".

Yes there are parents who go over the top, but that is the nature of some people in general.... in example I am religious but I have friends who are over the top religious to me (i.e. God will heal me, no need for medicine or doctor visits let's pray for it instead.)

My dd was very sensitive to clothing and food even as a non-verbal infant / toddler by being responsive to her clear clues (fussiness until the clothing tag was removed, or the fabric that was bothering her, rashes, etc.) I was able to very early on discover dd has two food allergies one minor and one severe plus eczema. My dd did not run the show.... but I was responsive to her even at a young age. This early information helped us avoid a food that could have killed her in minutes. By contrast my cousin's son had the same reaction to the minor food allergen as my dd yet his mom ignored (and continues to ignore) all the signs her son is sick more often than my dd and has rashes that they have to medicate constantly even though his pediatrician said eliminating the food from his diet could drastically improve the child's quality of life still mom feels he will outgrow it with exposure because she is the mom.... that approach while not life and death is no better than mine even though mom is "running the show"...

I try to not get too involved with my dc families parenting styles, just like I try to not over invest myself in my friends or family members political or religious views.

[Ariana]

But is it age appropriate to give a 22 month old the power/choice to refuse all options at multiple stores until the CHILD decides they find something they like/want? That was the case in this situation.

I guess what I am getting at, is I am surprised/shocked at parents giving children, at such young ages, so much say so in decisions about everything in their lives. Not just clothes/shoes, but food they want for meals, bedtimes, etc.
I totally understand listening to your children's opinions and giving them choices as they age, but I feel like some parents go over the top with this and let the children "run the show".
I have two young teenagers, and yes, we have been to multiple stores looking for certain clothes, shoes, etc that they have wanted at times. As toddlers and even preschoolers though, I bought things for them and they wore them, made meals that they ate/didn't eat, put them to bed when we decided it was bedtime. Kids are always going to resist and push back with things, but it is up to the parent to stand firm and follow through. If there is no follow through, the children quickly learn to continue to resist until they get what they want.

I know this is on a whole different level because it involves health, but here is one more situation I had years back.
I had a 6 yo old in care who had a lot of issues with her tonsils. (strep throat, tonsillitis, enlarged tonsils, trouble swallowing food, etc) Dad would tell her that some day she might have to get her tonsils removed because they were causing a lot of problems. Mom (parents are divorced) would tell the child that she wouldn't need to have them removed if she didn't want to. The child would tell me "I don't want to have my tonsils taken out and mom told me it was my decision, so I don't have to do it." I never heard what ended up happening because they moved on after her Kindergarten year.

It really does depend! I am a parent who is very strict with things like food, bed time, tv time etc. And some things I am willing to bend on. I have taken my kid to two different stores to find the right shoes....I have also left the store with nothing if she could not choose and we don’t have time to go elsewhere. I am not the type of parent who would ever let their kid go anywhere in their PJs but I understand not wanting to have that battle.

I agree wholeheartedly that some parents are ruled by their kids. I see it all the time and their kids are anxiety ridden wrecks because they do not have any structure. Some parents try to balance structure with autonomy/independence if that makes sense. For me bed time and food is a non negotiable, getting dressed when you go somewhere, brushing your hair every day....my kids never cry because they know it gets them nowhere ::

I think giving your kid the choice over a medical procedure is bizarre for sure!

[mamamanda]

Yes, I see your point. My kids don't run the show. But I do value their opinions. A medical decision would not be left to my child. Food & bedtimes are decided by me. Though I do include my children in my meal planning each week. They know they have to choose a protein, grain, vegetable, & fruit, but my 3 yo & 6 yo both choose the meal on their designated night each week & they also help prepare it on their night. However, I have the final say. And once the menu is planned& shopping done they don't get to Change it. I understand the kind of parenting you're referring to & it is annoying. But clothes aren't an area I stress about as long as they're clean. And the shoe shopping would depend on several factors including attitude of the child, time I have available, etc. Demanding a certain color/style of shoe would be a no go for me. I usually say these are your 3 choices & then either they choose or I do.

[Josiegirl]

Kids who run the home. Ugh. Right now, one of my dcfs is struggling with their twin 3 1/2 yo dds getting out of bed during the night because they WANT to play with the toys in their room. Dcgs are given all sorts of choices of which mittens, hats, etc., they want to wear home(it takes time to make everyone happy). Some mornings they come in their pjs because they didn't want to get dressed(don't a lot of dcs have it in their policies dcks should come dressed and ready for their day???)which, of course takes time from dc because mom dresses them here while breakfast is starting. These 2 dcgs are NOT good at listening, balk at everything I ask of them, will not get themselves ready to go out(although 1 is getting better; I know they can do it!)or get themselves undressed when we come back in. IOW, they refuse to do a lot of things here if they don't want to.
These are children who would bring teeny toys into dc because they wanted to; finally put the kabash on that. They would sleep with chapsticks when they were mere toddlers because they wanted to. Um, yikes!! They escaped from their house one day and were walking down the road 'going to work' they told mom and dad. If not for the neighbors seeing them, omg, what could have happened??
I believe there is a fine line between growing that autonomy that is spoken about and making sure kids KNOW right from wrong, or dangerous situations or when they need to listen to grown-ups. Yes, making choices is great for young children BUT it all comes down to appropriate choices. When it overlaps too much with safety or health concerns, the adult has got to step in. And that is when it becomes difficult for the child to accept the adult does have power and control.
JMO

[Unregistered]

The irony of all of that is that parents are trying to make their children happy, but these are the UNhappiest children around.

Children who have appropriate limits and reasonable choices at appropriate times are the happy ones.

[Mom2Two]

Maybe the parents have never heard of "limited choices."

Yes, it's good to let kids have choices, but give the choices between three great outfits that are appropriate for the situation, or a choice between two, appropriate styles of shoes that the parent has already vetted.

Kid's simply don't have the brain power to do much of the "vetting" themselves.