Center of Attention

[Farmerswife]

I have a DCB, 3.5. He always needs to be the center of attention, positive or negative. If another child tells me a story or shows me something, he interrupts and tells me something irrelevant, if he can even think of anything to say at the moment. I tell him to wait his turn or ignore him and he doesn't catch on. He is very loud and talks over everyone all the time. When his parents get here he runs and yells/screams "MOOOMMMM" or "DDAAAADDDD". I remind him as they are walking in that we don't yell, but that doesn't help. I'm pretty sure he runs the show at home. They tell him "no" to something, but always give him because he throws a fit. He is terrible at listening and following directions and will intentionally break a rule.

Example: Today he was putting toys in his mouth, he was told to stop, so he will wait until he thinks you can't see him and will do it again, as soon as I turn back toward him, he will stop what he's doing. Another instance today, he was playing with another child and that child asked him to stop doing something, so he continues to do it just to irritate that child.

If he is one on one, he is a jewel, very smart, funny and disciplined (for me anyway). When I mention something about his behavior to his parents, he will be awesome the next day, but then it's right back to it. How do I correct this behavior?

[MarinaVanessa]

When you're doing something and if this child is constantly asking for attention just for attention's sake do Nan's "Go play toys" and redirect him to play.

If another child is talking to you and he interrupts softly put your hand up and tell him "It's Suzie's turn now. After I'm done listening to her then it'll be your turn" if he continues to talk move your body in between both of them with your back turned towards him and lean in closer to the other child and say "I'm listening". Move your body if the child continues to maneuver around you. If he still keeps it up and talks even louder etc "Excuse me Suzie, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Can you hang on for one moment?" turn to the boy and say "Johny, I already told you that it's Suzie's turn. Can you sit here please?" when he sits turn back to Suzie "Suzie, let's walk over here while Johny waits for me here so that I can hear you until you are done" and just keep it up. The more you can keep ignoring it the better.

The yelling is a little more difficult because some kids are just louder. I have a hard time with my own 4yo talking too loudly and still haven't figured it out yet ::::::

If he is putting things in his mouth immediately remove the toy until you can wash it. If that means all day then keep it up all day. If he mouths everything then have a small space meant just for him with toys that only he can play with and keep him there. It'll be hard because you will have to keep redirecting him to that spot but explain that because he is not using the toys appropriately he can't play with the other toys.

As far as him playing with another child and annoying him after being asked to stop doing something that depends on what he;s doing. If he's knocking things down that the other child has built then remove him from the area and explain why every time. If he doesn't listen and continues keep him away from that area/toy for the rest of the day and tell him he can try again the next day. If he's just making annoying noises or actions but not physically touching the other child's body or materials than I'd actually ask the other child if he would like to do something else instead. I mean, if he's making weird noises it's not hurting anyone or anything as annoying as it is. Also make sure you have a special area for kids that want to be alone so that if the one boy gets to be too much for them they can go there to escape. But make sure it's not a place where you let all of the other kids go to play together and exclude him. It's a place where they go to be alone.

Just keep redirecting and remember that a lot of this behavior is typical for young kids.

[Ariana]

This child is just starved for attention. He is not getting it at home so he is looking to you to fulfill his needs. What is happening at homd? Tv all day? Carted to activities? He needs one on one time with his parents.

This is why one on one works so well for his behavior. He is getting his needs met. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the parents you can start rewarding him with some one on one time. So set aside a time every day where he will get your full attention that he can look forward to. Then if he does a good job he gets to have it. The first day you may have to cut him some slack until he sees how much fun the one on one time is and then you can be more strict and take it away if he is acting up. Another strategy is to tell him that he can ask for what he wants. If he wants attention he can ask for it. So he woukd say “I really want attention right now” and you can give him the attention for a few minutes and then remind him of the upcoming one on one time. This is teaching him that he does not have to be manipulative to get his needs met.

I have a very attention needy daughter so this has worked for me! Once she started school and was not getting that one on one time with me I really had to help her ask for what she needed and give her that set time every day. Kids have no idea that they can just ask for what they need. They think they can only get it by manipulation and no one tells them differently. Thats why we still have adults who continue to manipulate to get what they want

[Farmerswife]

This child is just starved for attention. He is not getting it at home so he is looking to you to fulfill his needs. What is happening at homd? Tv all day? Carted to activities? He needs one on one time with his parents.

This is why one on one works so well for his behavior. He is getting his needs met. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the parents you can start rewarding him with some one on one time. So set aside a time every day where he will get your full attention that he can look forward to. Then if he does a good job he gets to have it. The first day you may have to cut him some slack until he sees how much fun the one on one time is and then you can be more strict and take it away if he is acting up. Another strategy is to tell him that he can ask for what he wants. If he wants attention he can ask for it. So he woukd say “I really want attention right now” and you can give him the attention for a few minutes and then remind him of the upcoming one on one time. This is teaching him that he does not have to be manipulative to get his needs met.

I have a very attention needy daughter so this has worked for me! Once she started school and was not getting that one on one time with me I really had to help her ask for what she needed and give her that set time every day. Kids have no idea that they can just ask for what they need. They think they can only get it by manipulation and no one tells them differently. Thats why we still have adults who continue to manipulate to get what they want

When I first read this, I didn't believe this could be true. My thinking was this kid is "spoiled" and gets whatever he wants so that's why he needs more attention because he's use to being the center of attention and getting his way. After thinking about it more, I think the parents give him whatever material things he wants so they don't have to deal with him. They put him in front of the TV and cater to his wants so he doesn't throw a fit. If he asks for a treat at pick up, Dad will ask how his day was. I mention that he struggled with listening, etc. DCB will ask Dad again and Dad's response is, well we'll see how you do when we get home. I usually ask DCB the next day and he always gets the treat. Over the years, many of my well behaved kids have had parents who were very involved with their kids, don't get evening/weekend sitters too often, stay at home and create entertainment vs going to every parade, every event within a 60 mile radius, etc. The ones who have not behaved so well have more material things, less parent interaction and more entertainment through spending money and going places. Very interesting!!!

[daycarediva]

This child is just starved for attention. He is not getting it at home so he is looking to you to fulfill his needs. What is happening at homd? Tv all day? Carted to activities? He needs one on one time with his parents.

This is why one on one works so well for his behavior. He is getting his needs met. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the parents you can start rewarding him with some one on one time. So set aside a time every day where he will get your full attention that he can look forward to. Then if he does a good job he gets to have it. The first day you may have to cut him some slack until he sees how much fun the one on one time is and then you can be more strict and take it away if he is acting up. Another strategy is to tell him that he can ask for what he wants. If he wants attention he can ask for it. So he woukd say “I really want attention right now” and you can give him the attention for a few minutes and then remind him of the upcoming one on one time. This is teaching him that he does not have to be manipulative to get his needs met.

I have a very attention needy daughter so this has worked for me! Once she started school and was not getting that one on one time with me I really had to help her ask for what she needed and give her that set time every day. Kids have no idea that they can just ask for what they need. They think they can only get it by manipulation and no one tells them differently. Thats why we still have adults who continue to manipulate to get what they want

yes yes yes!

I just had the same kid. Came from a center, super hands off, whatever to shut you up style parents.

He was A W F U L the first week. I then started giving him 1:1 when he first arrived, and then randomly throughout the day- no strings attached. He got attention, he had his emotional needs being met, and then the attention seeking horribly negative behaviors all but ceased. Now if he's struggling, we go read a book, or do a puzzle 1:1 and he's fine afterwards.