New parent is driving me nuts!!!

[seashell]

I have a new family who will be starting FT the last week of August. The child is 15 months and has never been away from mom and dad. I suggested they bring him a few hours each week to help him get used to me, the kids, our house, being away from mom and dad . . . They agreed. He has come twice now. Each time, I have sent mom a text message with pics updating her on his time with us. The first time, he cried for 2 hours on and off. The second time was much better. Only a handfull of tears and while he didn't move far from my lap, he was definately intersted in the other children and our room. I don't have any concerns that he will adjust well.

Here's my concern. I told mom that she needs to schedule his drop in days in advance with me. I do have space open this summer until he starts FT, but I fill those days with drop in children. (Friends children, other part timers who need an extra day, etc.) This mom has first priority of the days since it will be her spot, but since she won't tell me what days she wants, I fill the spot with other kids if I can. She sends me a text an hour before she wants to show up and then gets mad if I have taken other drop in kids and don't have room for her.

She sent me a text at 9 this morning, wanting to drop off at 9:30. I couldn't do it for her. I explained that I had other drop in kids and that tomorrow was available to her. I didn't hear back from her.

Am I being over sensitive here or does this sit badly with you too? She seems very disrespectful of the rules (she refuses to schedule in advance even after I explained it to her) and she didnt have the decency to respond to my text.

Should I give it a chance and see what happens when she starts FT or just end things now? I've just got a bad vibe here.

[kitkat]

I can see advantages of terminating now and of giving her a chance, but I guess I lean more towards giving her more of a chance.

If you have a written policy of how drop in works and how much notice needs to be given in advance for anyone using drop in, then give it to her as a reminder, even though you've already talked to her about it. Maybe next time she drops off you could "just happen" to have a calendar right by the door and ask her if she's thinking of bringing her son in the next few days or that you have this day open for him, etc.

If mom is new to child care, maybe she needs to be guided/prodded a bit more than the normal parent. Or maybe mom is having issues of sending son to child care and this is her way (consciously or subcon.) of being passive aggressive in hopes that the situation doesn't work out and it makes it look like it's not her fault.

[Former Teacher]

I totally understand.....

where you are coming from! When I was at the DC, we would have parents who had NO respect for the 24 hour in advance drop in rule. However money is money and our director would of course admit them in.

However your situation is unique because she will be starting FT so you don't want to lose that FT spot. I suggest that maybe you talk to this mother and explain again S L O W L Y your policy. Perhaps give her the option of maybe prorating the rest of August. That way you can tell her that her spot is then guaranteed and she doesn't have to worry about calling to see if the spot is available, etc...

I wish you luck!

[Unregistered]

go with your gut

This mom does not respect you or your rules. She will be a problem, I can guarantee you.
She has to realize that you have to accommadate staff ratios, other children, etc. It's not just about her. She is trouble!

[tymaboy]

Did she pay a holding fee? If so then I would not take another child. If not then maybe offer her to pay a little extra for you to hold that spot open till she starts, that way the spot will be open when she is ready to drop him off. If it were me I would try explaining to her again how if she does not call from now till when she starts full time that you will fill that opening when you can if she does not call by a certain before she wants to drop her child off. Explain to her that if you do not fill the spot when you have a chance to & she does not show then you are out that money.

[SimpleMom]

I know this sounds cold, but I think you have to go with your gut on this one. I don't know what you've told her of the rules or spelled out to here so-to-speak, but it sounds like it's conflicting with your values and that might be a problem in the future.

There will be others that can fill that spot, even if it's two part timers.

I have learned that I HAVE to go with my gut in the run of things. I have went against it a couple of times and very much regretted it.

So, whatever your gut is telling you, I would go with it. Good luck on the decision, I know it's not an easy one to make.

[seashell]

I know this sounds cold, but I think you have to go with your gut on this one. I don't know what you've told her of the rules or spelled out to here so-to-speak, but it sounds like it's conflicting with your values and that might be a problem in the future.

There will be others that can fill that spot, even if it's two part timers.

I have learned that I HAVE to go with my gut in the run of things. I have went against it a couple of times and very much regretted it.

So, whatever your gut is telling you, I would go with it. Good luck on the decision, I know it's not an easy one to make.

She's been better after a heart to heart. She's new to child care and honestly, she's not what I would call the brightest crayon in the box. I'm going to keep her and see how it goes, but if things don't seem to be going smoothly and someone else comes along, I WILL give her notice.

Her son is a doll, but he's not on any schdule at all. So here comes the first challange! At 10 months, he eats when he wants to, sleeps when he wants to (only falls asleep if rocked with a bottle???) First things first, he's getting a schedule!!! I have other kids here and I cant (and wont) stop what we're doing to rock him to sleep. Oh, did I mention he usually sleeps in their arms for his entire nap?) Nope, I smell a challange here. I'm hoping I can help this family get some structure and order. This baby is rulling the house!!!

[tymaboy]

Her son is a doll, but he's not on any schdule at all. So here comes the first challange! At 10 months, he eats when he wants to, sleeps when he wants to (only falls asleep if rocked with a bottle???) First things first, he's getting a schedule!!! I have other kids here and I cant (and wont) stop what we're doing to rock him to sleep. Oh, did I mention he usually sleeps in their arms for his entire nap?) Nope, I smell a challange here. I'm hoping I can help this family get some structure and order. This baby is rulling the house!!!

Sounds a lot like my youngest. She started back full time today. During the summer she was 1 day a week. Parents dont understand that what they do at home effects the child in daycare. When my DCG is tired I will swaddle her & lay her down. The swaddle blanket has been my life saver.

At 10 months I think I would only give him a small bottle to tide him over till it is time to eat. When they are in care for 5 days it is pretty easy to get them on your eating schedule. The nap schedule I find to be a bit harder.

[seashell]

Update

This family continues to be a problem. They are supposed to be starting 5 full days next week and have been doing random hours to get him aclimated to daycare. The agreed to pay at the end of the week for the random hours, and in payment in advance when they start FT. So . . .

He was here for 11 hours last week. I wrote the tuition that was due on his daily take home sheet. No payment. I called, no answer. Texted, no response. Then he showed up out of the blue Monday, not scheduled, just showed up. I took him because he was dropped of by a family member who said his parents would pick him up. I figured they would take care of the bill then. NOPE! I texted today asking what his schedule would be this week. No response. I called, no answer. They haven't paid the required first week or security deposit either. They said they would do it before he started FT.

I think I got screwed here. I'm going to wait till Friday and if I don't hear from them, I'm going to call and tell them that I don't think it's going to work out because good communication is key to a good working relationship, and they don't seem to feel the same. I am not a drop in sitter and I don't work for free. If they can't respect the policies before they even start . . .

Any suggestions? Something I might be missing? I was really counting on the income. Sigh . . . no phone calls in weeks!

[Unregistered]

I hear u sista

Yeah, you know, i think alot of parents take advantage of your kindness!!
I had a parent like that, yeah, even before you start caring for their children, they don't see that we are actually doing them a favor by alowing their kids to come get use to us...and yeah, i hate it when parents don't return text messages or phone calls...i'd say, if she didn't pay to hold the spot, and you have other interested in that full time slot, take someone else, they will give you problems down the road.

[bgbudde97]

Are you for REAL?

It kills me to read some of these posts. On April 6th of this year my son died at a daycare. No it was not sids. Medically it has been determined that it was something else. It was his very first day VERY FIRST!!!!!!! He was 3 and a half months old healthy and happy! My son will never come back to me and my wife. But understand this we as parents are putting TRUST in you that you will take care of our children. I understand its a job and its hard but if you consistantly complain and moan about it GET OUT!!!! Find something else to do . These are our children and you need to Respect that fact. The daycare system has so many flaws, and it starts with posts like these that i have read. Please treat the children that you take care of like they were your own , that would be the best start to a flawed system.


Thank You!
God Bless

[mac60]

Please accept my sympathies at the loss of your child.

[mac60]

Parents need to understand that childcare is a business, just like any other business. Yes it is a "different" business than plumbing and heating, lawncare, etc, as we are caring for your children while you are at your job earning your income. It comes with no benefits, low pay in many areas, it comes with long hours, our homes are no longer ours, our homes becomes "public space", and many are governed by rules and regulations that make no sense. Most of us chose this career because we enjoy caring for and teaching children.

Just because our job is taking care of someone's child, please don't come down on us because we complain when a parent picks up their child 1 hour late....when you work late at your job you expect to be paid for it, it should be the same for us, or get upset with providers bringing up issues when they have to deal with the parents. As with any job, there are expectations, rules, etc that must be followed. Why are childcare providers exempt from parents following these rules of their childcare provider. Bottom line is, childcare providers are independent contractors who offer a service for a set amount of dollars, just like any other service, only difference it is caring for a child, not washing windows or changing out a toilet. Most have guidelines to follow. If you don't like your providers guidelines, find someone else.

To say that a provider should not discuss issues that they deal with on a daily basis because it concerns childcare and someones child, is wrong. We have the right to discuss these things. And to say that the system is flawed....well maybe so, it would be so much better if the government would butt out...If a parent is such a good parent why do they need the government involved, if parents would take control of their children and their behavior, respect the providers and their guidelines, maybe that would change the flawed system. Not saying all parents are "bad" parents, but I have seen my share with this business.

I provide a service to families and the service is childcare. I am an independent contractor and I am NOT your employee. I have rules that need to be followed. Included in my daily service is 2 meals and 2 snacks a day, a safe place to play, learn, and grow, lots of hugs and love, a preschool curriculum, lots of fun and learning activities, their own blanket-pillow-mat for napping, a fenced in yard with a mini playground, a warm home when it is 20 below 0 outside, a cool home when it is 95 degrees outside, and more. All for a measly $15 to $17 per day caring for your child 9 to 10 hours per day. Do the math. Am I really in it for the money? Do I have a right to bring up issues that affect me and my business everyday? For some sad reason, parents have a real problems paying for childcare, but no problem making a big car payment, a fancy house payment, or taking trips, want to talk priorities?

[seashell]

It kills me to read some of these posts. On April 6th of this year my son died at a daycare. No it was not sids. Medically it has been determined that it was something else. It was his very first day VERY FIRST!!!!!!! He was 3 and a half months old healthy and happy! My son will never come back to me and my wife. But understand this we as parents are putting TRUST in you that you will take care of our children. I understand its a job and its hard but if you consistantly complain and moan about it GET OUT!!!! Find something else to do . These are our children and you need to Respect that fact. The daycare system has so many flaws, and it starts with posts like these that i have read. Please treat the children that you take care of like they were your own , that would be the best start to a flawed system.


Thank You!
God Bless

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is a terrible thing that no one should ever have to live through.

That said, I don't understand how discussing parents who take advantage of providers, ignore the rules that they agreed to followed and just being rude in general is whinning and complaning? I have many wonderful parents who I wouldn't trade for the world. Most of us do. However, its the few bad seeds that we come here to discuss, find solutions and support for. It's like watching the evening news. You don't see the good, only the bad. That's why it's news and that's why we come to this board. To find support and information on those issues that need to be attended to.

I found your post out of line and the perfect example of the disrespect and rude behaviors that some (Not Most) parents bring to the partnership.

Again, I am sorry for the loss of your child. But I will not censor my feelings on your post because of that tragedy.

[ConcernedMotherof2]

Parents need to understand that childcare is a business, just like any other business. Yes it is a "different" business than plumbing and heating, lawncare, etc, as we are caring for your children while you are at your job earning your income. It comes with no benefits, low pay in many areas, it comes with long hours, our homes are no longer ours, our homes becomes "public space", and many are governed by rules and regulations that make no sense. Most of us chose this career because we enjoy caring for and teaching children.

Just because our job is taking care of someone's child, please don't come down on us because we complain when a parent picks up their child 1 hour late....when you work late at your job you expect to be paid for it, it should be the same for us, or get upset with providers bringing up issues when they have to deal with the parents. As with any job, there are expectations, rules, etc that must be followed. Why are childcare providers exempt from parents following these rules of their childcare provider. Bottom line is, childcare providers are independent contractors who offer a service for a set amount of dollars, just like any other service, only difference it is caring for a child, not washing windows or changing out a toilet. Most have guidelines to follow. If you don't like your providers guidelines, find someone else.

To say that a provider should not discuss issues that they deal with on a daily basis because it concerns childcare and someones child, is wrong. We have the right to discuss these things. And to say that the system is flawed....well maybe so, it would be so much better if the government would butt out...If a parent is such a good parent why do they need the government involved, if parents would take control of their children and their behavior, respect the providers and their guidelines, maybe that would change the flawed system. Not saying all parents are "bad" parents, but I have seen my share with this business.

I provide a service to families and the service is childcare. I am an independent contractor and I am NOT your employee. I have rules that need to be followed. Included in my daily service is 2 meals and 2 snacks a day, a safe place to play, learn, and grow, lots of hugs and love, a preschool curriculum, lots of fun and learning activities, their own blanket-pillow-mat for napping, a fenced in yard with a mini playground, a warm home when it is 20 below 0 outside, a cool home when it is 95 degrees outside, and more. All for a measly $15 to $17 per day caring for your child 9 to 10 hours per day. Do the math. Am I really in it for the money? Do I have a right to bring up issues that affect me and my business everyday? For some sad reason, parents have a real problems paying for childcare, but no problem making a big car payment, a fancy house payment, or taking trips, want to talk priorities?

First, to the father who lost his child in daycare, my sincerest condolences. Though I know that does little good, after having sufferred every parent's worst nightmare. It is a sad fact that there are quite a few people in the childcare business who shouldn't be and I'm sure there are quite a few providers on this board who would whole-heartedly agree with me. After being here for a while and reading many posts from some of the same providers, I can see that most here do truly care about children and fully appreciate the huge responsibility involved in taking care of other people's children.

Mac, while I don't always agree with your point of view, I whole-heartedly agree with you here. While you may fully enjoy your profession and be more than good at it, there are many frustrations involved. Especially when parents fail to make payments. You work for so little that when one family skips or is late making a payment, you are out of pocket for your expenses. I understand your frustration.

While I don't have a fancy house (I own a trailer), or a fancy car (a total beater I keep running to avoid having to have a car payment again), Daycare (as with everything that has to do with my children) is HIGH on my priority list. The way I see it, my job is #1 (without it, I can't feed, clothe or house my kids), but daycare is right there with it because without daycare, I can't work. It is a shame that more parents don't see it this way and appreciate everything their childcare providers do for their kids.

I challenge every parent to say that their own children never frustrate them... then think of having a house full of other people's children five days a week (or more!) as a basis for income. Wouldn't it be even more frustrating to not get paid for that time?