Feeling Badly

[trytobearunner34]

TL;DR Should I feel badly about potentially terming a family I have only one day a week because the baby does not nap well enough to make it through the day?

Whole Story;
I have been watching a 7 month old on Fridays and his 3 yo sister 0-2 Fridays a month since September. His mom is a teacher. Between school holidays and two pre-arranged Fridays I took off, he has not spent much time with us.

I am one of three sitters he has during the week. He goes to one sitter M/W and another T/H. I have yet to learn why the family has opted for such an unusual arrangement. However, it is clearly (at least IMO), not working for this little guy.

He does very well (no separation issues at drop off; begins the day very pleasant) with the exception of napping which of course impacts him as the day wears on. As he has gotten older it has gotten progressively worse, as I am assuming he is more cognizant of the world around him and the lack of consistency he experiences day to day.

The last Friday I watched him was before Christmas and he took four "naps" of 15, 20, 25 and 30 minutes each. Each time he had to be held until asleep and then I had to cross my fingers once I moved him to the pack and play. Today we had only had one successful 25 minute nap. By late morning he is fussy unless held.

I made mention to mom today about seeing how January goes and then possibly revisiting our arrangement in February if things don't improve (I have a 2 week term notice in my contract, that I would even be willing to extend to 4 since it is just one day a week).

This is the second kiddo I would be terming due to inability to nap in a manner that sustains them throughout the day. It is eating at me. Should I feel guilty or am I being reasonable?

[Cat Herder]

"I am one of three sitters he has during the week. He goes to one sitter M/W and another T/H. I have yet to learn why the family has opted for such an unusual arrangement."


Because they found it to be cheaper.

They did what they felt worked for them. Why would you feel bad for doing what works best for you?

Allowing this schedule to continue for the parents benefit is not what is in the child's best interest, terming him most likely is.

[Blackcat31]

TL;DR Should I feel badly about potentially terming a family I have only one day a week because the baby does not nap well enough to make it through the day?

Whole Story;
I have been watching a 7 month old on Fridays and his 3 yo sister 0-2 Fridays a month since September. His mom is a teacher. Between school holidays and two pre-arranged Fridays I took off, he has not spent much time with us.

I am one of three sitters he has during the week. He goes to one sitter M/W and another T/H. I have yet to learn why the family has opted for such an unusual arrangement. However, it is clearly (at least IMO), not working for this little guy.

He does very well (no separation issues at drop off; begins the day very pleasant) with the exception of napping which of course impacts him as the day wears on. As he has gotten older it has gotten progressively worse, as I am assuming he is more cognizant of the world around him and the lack of consistency he experiences day to day.

The last Friday I watched him was before Christmas and he took four "naps" of 15, 20, 25 and 30 minutes each. Each time he had to be held until asleep and then I had to cross my fingers once I moved him to the pack and play. Today we had only had one successful 25 minute nap. By late morning he is fussy unless held.

I made mention to mom today about seeing how January goes and then possibly revisiting our arrangement in February if things don't improve (I have a 2 week term notice in my contract, that I would even be willing to extend to 4 since it is just one day a week).

This is the second kiddo I would be terming due to inability to nap in a manner that sustains them throughout the day. It is eating at me. Should I feel guilty or am I being reasonable?

You are being MORE than reasonable.

ANY child that can't nap/rest well isn't a child I am willing to continue providing care for.

NOT because I need the break or want some quiet time but because lack of proper/quality sleep impacts a whole lot more than just those things and I personally am not willing to give more than a parent is willing to give and in this case, it's providing their child with consistency in caregivers as well as an opportunity to nap well.

So no, you are not being unreasonable in any way.
I would either terminate care or would consider offering the parent a full time spot IF one is available and the child transitions well into full time care (ie starts napping better)

[Ariana]

I had a child like this. Was with me two days a week and with grandma and dad the rest of the time. Basically 3 different people putting him down for nap and no one was on the same page. Mom tried to get grandma on the same page as me but she could not let him cry so rocked him to sleep. Dad was all over the place too. I couldn’t do what they did so he cried for up to an hour every Thursday and then roughly 1/2 hour on Fridays. I only kept him because they were leaving in two months. It was HARD to hear him cry for so long and he was so stressed. I can’t make a parent do what is best though.

He needs consistancy and it is not happening. They don’t seem to care so why should you?

[Mom2Two]

I personally am not willing to give more than a parent is willing to give

Words to live by right there.

[trytobearunner34]

Thank you

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. Each point is spot on. I am feeling much better.