Surcharges You WISH You Could Add

[Hunni Bee]

-Crying at drop off fee - $20 per incident
-Failure to provide necessary items (nap mat, cap/mittens, etc) - $10 per item per day
-Not picking up after child has been told a certain time - $5 per minute after time child is screaming about
-Inappropriate toy fee - $5 per item
-Teacher Chat Fee - $250 per instance
-Silent Drop Off/Pick Up Fee - $50 per incident

[Leigh]

$300 per incidence of sending a child to me in a pull up (not allowed here) that will NEVER contain the child's massive poops that happen 10 minutes after drop off.

$1000 per incidence of sending a child to daycare in underwear who isn't potty trained. $1000 more when I find out about underwear by seeing a wet spot on my couch under your child.

$25,000 for asking me to hold your check for 2 weeks because you would like some extra spending money while on your trip to paradise (while I am wondering how people can afford vacations).

$1000 for each incidence of "I didn't know that she was sick" when your child gets sick at 11:30 am every.dang.time. $5000 When you ask if same child can return the next morning after puking on my carpet while pooping her underwear, especially after hearing "i had medicine this morning" after the vomit, and the child was diagnosed with Ebola at the doctor the afternoon before (No, Susan, I do not miss having you as a client).


Stupid surcharge of 6 hits by me with a broom for every time you leave my front door open and let the puppy out. This will multiply by 3 with each incidence. It will multiply by 20 and be accompanied by a monetary fine for when this happens and you don't bother to tell me that puppy is running around the neighborhood because of you.

Surcharge of $100 and penalty of me tattooing reminder on your face for each day you "forget" to return necessary paperwork.

I could do this all day. LOL.

[Pestle]

Surcharge of one yurt for letting your child sleep in until 9:30 am and sending them in with no breakfast and no chance they'll nap today.

Yes, a yurt. By close of business, I'm going to need a nap myself, and I want to do it on a pile of rugs in a genuine yurt and pretend I'm in Mongolia and won't have to spend my evening cleaning in preparation for tomorrow's hurricane o' children.

[flying_babyb]

$100 when you drop off at 1135 (Lunch time) and then grandma says " Oh she just got up, she's not gonna nap"

"$7 daily surcharge for children whose frequent and elongated joyful shrieks rattle the eardrums, send the cats running, and make the other kids freeze in place and moan nervously. "
Must be higher! How about $3 a advil I must take just to survive the shrieks!
$10 for EVERY time your child throws a chair

[HappyEverAfter]

$25 for each time your child points and screeches "BALL" at the top of her lungs. Extra if there isn't even a ball in sight.

$25 for each time your child screams when I am not in their sight. Extra if this screaming causes other children to scream too.

$25 for any child that refuses to nap or at the very least, be quiet during nap time. Extra if they cause other children to wake up.

$25 for any child who comes with an obvious cold. Extra for each other child who catches that cold. Extra if you lie and say it isn't a cold, just allergies.

[sahm1225]

Surcharge every time a parent says my kid woke up at 4:30 am today and wouldn’t go back to sleep. So kid arrives extra cranky and laying all over the floor whining. Has no appetite because he’s extremely tired which results in a mid morning tantrum.
I will never understand what a parent does with a kid at 4:30 am?!? Do they eat ice cream and watch TV?!? I told my own kids go back to sleep!

I had a parent tell me Tuesday that dkg woke up at 5:30an and how Mom was so tired. She says ‘it’s not like there was anything I could do’. She seemed genuinely shocked when I asked why she didn’t just send her back to bed!

[Pestle]

We kept our kid's room babyproofed with a gate on the open door, and she slept on the floor instead of in a crib. So if she woke up, she was free to wander around all she wanted.

Now that she's a preschooler, she still gets up before we do and usually wanders into the kitchen for a snack and settles down in the living room. I am NOT getting up at five in the morning.

[Mom2Two]

You guys are funny.

I do charge for "body fluid accidents" $20 and also for no diaper bag/missing supplies $2-$5. But I reeeeaaally want to double the body fluid fee for when it's a poop paint. I've had a few of those... eww!

Sometimes parents seem to assume that something doesn't bother me at all if I don't have a fee attached. If I'm charging for it, they seem to figure out that I mean it!

[Blackcat31]

I'd love to charge for every text "checking in" on little Snowflake.

I have one family (two parents) that text a half dozen times each day (EACH PARENT) asking how Snowflake is....

Nevermind that Snowflake has been attending full time/daily for over a year and a half now.

It takes every ounce of restraint to not text back "Snowflake who?" or "Oh, Snowflake is here today?" but I don't.......

[MomBoss]

I'd love to charge for every text "checking in" on little Snowflake.

I have one family (two parents) that text a half dozen times each day (EACH PARENT) asking how Snowflake is....

Nevermind that Snowflake has been attending full time/daily for over a year and a half now.

It takes every ounce of restraint to not text back "Snowflake who?" or "Oh, Snowflake is here today?" but I don't.......

When I have parents do this, I make sure I dont text back for a long time (like an hour or so or wait til naptime). Im busy taking care of kids, teaching, meal prep..i dont have time to chat. They can ask how they did at pick up.

[Josiegirl]

Wear and tear on my home-endless costs
My constant mental state of chaos and confusion and noise disturbance-20 bucks every hour

[LysesKids]

Oh, yeah, for sure--but instead of money, a mini bottle of Jack Daniels at pick up for every instance of bodily fluids that got onto MY body! ::

Yeah, my first month in this job I learned exactly how fast I can get my pants off, and it's not as fast as baby poop soaks through denim.

I totally get that one ... I take of nothing but babies

[daycarediva]

I'd love to charge for every text "checking in" on little Snowflake.

I have one family (two parents) that text a half dozen times each day (EACH PARENT) asking how Snowflake is....

Nevermind that Snowflake has been attending full time/daily for over a year and a half now.

It takes every ounce of restraint to not text back "Snowflake who?" or "Oh, Snowflake is here today?" but I don't.......

THIS is why I love you! (among other things!)

Can you imagine?

I DO NOT text parents anymore. Everything goes through the app. I do NOT respond until nap time unless it's an emergency. Ain't nobody got time for dat. ::

[Snowmom]

$1000 for each incidence of "I didn't know that she was sick" when your child gets sick at 11:30 am every.dang.time. $5000 When you ask if same child can return the next morning after puking on my carpet while pooping her underwear, especially after hearing "i had medicine this morning" after the vomit, and the child was diagnosed with Ebola at the doctor the afternoon before (No, Susan, I do not miss having you as a client).

[Ariana]

Surcharge of one yurt for letting your child sleep in until 9:30 am and sending them in with no breakfast and no chance they'll nap today.

Yes, a yurt. By close of business, I'm going to need a nap myself, and I want to do it on a pile of rugs in a genuine yurt and pretend I'm in Mongolia and won't have to spend my evening cleaning in preparation for tomorrow's hurricane o' children.

::::