Surcharges You WISH You Could Add

[Pestle]

It's fun to dream, right?

First poop of the day is free. Second poop is $2. Third poop is $4. Fourth poop and any thereafter are $10 per poop. If I have to change it, I might as well turn it into gold.

$2 surcharge for any poop that requires more than two wipes.

$7 daily surcharge for children whose frequent and elongated joyful shrieks rattle the eardrums, send the cats running, and make the other kids freeze in place and moan nervously.

$2 surcharge per hour for tiny stuntmen. Alternately, send in a second caregiver to hover with their hands three inches away from the child in a catching position all day long. I'm not gonna cramp your style, baby, but I wish you'd stop trying to kill yourself.

$100,000 surcharge for trying to talk me into lowering my rate for you, who just arrived 27 minutes late for pick up.

[MomBoss]

Charge for cleaning accidents, vomit, diaper leakage...
Charge for every time a child sneezes or drools on you (I get so grossed out )

[midaycare]

Surcharge for super snotty noses. That just grosses me out sooooo much. Daily purchase while potty training. Actually, I might really do that one!

[Pestle]

Oh, yeah, for sure--but instead of money, a mini bottle of Jack Daniels at pick up for every instance of bodily fluids that got onto MY body! ::

Yeah, my first month in this job I learned exactly how fast I can get my pants off, and it's not as fast as baby poop soaks through denim.

[Jupadia]

Surcharge
For the child that reaches into his diaper 15 min after arrival and says "wipe poop" and presents to wipe his hands on himself. No poop at arrival, just waited till he got here to do it.

Surcharge
For parent that arrives with 2 kids during said incendent while provider trying to clean up 2.5 year old.

Fun start to a day.

[MomBoss]

Surcharge for super snotty noses. That just grosses me out sooooo much. Daily purchase while potty training. Actually, I might really do that one!

Yes! Charge for every time you have to wipe a nose and a charge if your child gets me sick

[Pestle]

Surcharge
For the child that reaches into his diaper 15 min after arrival and says "wipe poop" and presents to wipe his hands on himself.

Maybe we need a billing chart that cross-references "physically taxing," "emotionally taxing," "unsanitary," and "wastes time."

[Baby Beluga]

Surcharge for each reminder of a rule that is clearly stated in your handbook. Stated multiple times. That you signed. And initialed. And have a copy of.

I'd have more money than Trump

[midaycare]

Surcharge for not dropping off in a clean diaper. I have one girl who is soaking wet every day. I mean....gross.

[amberrose3dg]

Surcharge for not dropping off in a clean diaper. I have one girl who is soaking wet every day. I mean....gross.

I had a girl like that. I think mom dressed her the night before and i think didn't change her. One time she showed up and had leaked through her clothes completely within 30 minutes of arriving. There is no way she was changed before she brought her.

[Unregistered]

Surcharge every time a parent says my kid woke up at 4:30 am today and wouldn’t go back to sleep. So kid arrives extra cranky and laying all over the floor whining. Has no appetite because he’s extremely tired which results in a mid morning tantrum.
I will never understand what a parent does with a kid at 4:30 am?!? Do they eat ice cream and watch TV?!? I told my own kids go back to sleep!

[Ariana]

$20 surcharge for not bringing mittens that fit and take me 10 minutes to get on the child. Every time your child takes off said mittens it is $5.

[Pestle]

$20 surcharge for not bringing mittens that fit and take me 10 minutes to get on the child. Every time your child takes off said mittens it is $5.

THIS. This with pants and shoes especially.

[daycarediva]

great idea!

$10 for every time I touch bodily fluid
$2 every time your child has to be reminded of a rule immediately after I just told them.
$5 every time your child attempts to hit/bite/scratch/push/pull etc
$1 for every time your child says "IMMMM DOONNNNEEE."
$1 every time your child says GROSS to vegetables
$50 every time you fail to bring supplies
$5 every time you ask me about a policy you're already aware of.
$50 every time you ask if you have to pay for a day your child was absent
$25/day illness fee for those symptoms that aren't exclusionary, just annoying.
$100 every time a parent is caught in a lie

[storybookending]

Charge for any time your potty trained child has an accident I have to clean up.

Charge for any time I suspect your child didn’t get put to bed at a reasonable hour.

Charge for wasted food

And I echo the keeping the mittens on except my issue is one child and socks!!