Don't Trust My Daughter's Daycare Center

[storybookending]

I ended up speaking to the two of of the teachers. Director was not there at the moment. I asked DCT if my daughter had a cupcake on Friday she said she didn't remember. The other DCT proceeded to inform me that she had offered my daughter a cupcake and she refused. However that doesn't explain why my daughter was told only boys can have cupcakes. She continued on saying how my daughter always switches her story. Either way I feel suspicious and i shouldn't have to feel this way. So if I'm wrong I'm wrong and willing to apologise. I'm making sure to stop by at random times to make sure.

Didn’t you say you walked in and all the other children were eating cupcakes except your daughter? Is she the only girl in the classroom? At 3 they do always switch their stories, it just comes with the age. If you’re that suspicious that you are suspecting mistreatment why send her back at all?

[Cat Herder]

No 7am-6pm I picked her up at around 3:20pm

I was not referring to open to close hours. I was referring to your typical pick up time. Do you typically pick up at 3:15? If so the parent may have been given the number of kids that typically are there for afternoon snack. That is what the director would have gone by, average meal counts for pm snack on her admin page, when asked for a number by a parent intending to bring cupcakes to any classroom.

Also I would have a high index of suspicion that the person who told her the cupcakes were for boys only was the birthday boy or his buddy. Might even have been referring to a specific color of cupcake if, say, she wanted blue instead of green then refused the green one. Maybe the parent sent blue bugs for boys, green butterflys for girls? Sounds pretty familiar for the 3-4 year old classroom.

[Josiegirl]

Were all the other kiddos eating cupcakes? I would not go by what a 3 yo child says, at least not 100%. According to a 3 yo dcb I used to have, I only fed him bread and water.
The cupcake issue is kind of a minor questionable thing out of your whole experience. Is there something else going like that would create major red flags? The potty accidents, also, can be easily explained. I don't know; have never had my children in dc. But as others have said, if you feel uncomfortable with all this, give notice and find someplace else or keep your child with you in your dc. Good Luck!!
As you well know, trust is the one key issue we all need to overcome in having a child in someone else's care. If there isn't any trust, you've got little left.

[nannyde]

The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child.

I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

It's not a tough one.

[amberrose3dg]

Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

It's not a tough one.

Also you don't trust them over thinking your daughter didn't get a cupcake? I have kids refuse all types of stuff here. I am not taking up for them but you either trust them or you don't. I would never leave my child somewhere I didn't feel was safe.

[MissAnn]

I would not call a lot of attention to this in front of your daughter. I’m sure you’ve had those kids who love to tattle on kids/teachers because they love the attention they get. I had one kid tell a huge lie and the parents questioned him over and over and he kept changing the story. The parents believe him......so the story ended up that 3 different boys on 3 different occasions hit him in his privates. It started with 1 kid but since he couldn’t remember who he said the first time.....it ended up being 3 different kids. The parents pulled him out. I was actually glad. He was a liability to me and I would have termed anyway. Anyway.....kids lie or embellish.

[midaycare]

I had one 3 year old tell his parents I fed him Cheese Whiz and hot dogs. I run an organic, healthy program. Thank goodness the parents didn't believe him. ::

[rosieteddy]

If you do not feel that its a good experience keep her home.Trust your instincts.Now looking back on my own childrearing years I realize how fast it goes.I did send my youngest to preschool.I ran a very successful program at home.Like you I thought he needed more socialization.I was wrong,it was kind of a pain.I was unable to go to some of the parent programs and pick up was a pain.He remembers none of it and did not seem any more adjusted than his 3 siblings. I think the red flag for you is there.You noticed the sleeping in corner incident,the cupcake issue.I would talk to the teachers especially if you have an older child at the school.I would keep my 3 yr old at home.Its for the morning only lunch and nap.Seems like you pick up early.Maybe just withdraw for this year and reaccess for next .year. I think you have valid reason to be concerned.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

I think you should pay your notice and stop bringing her if you feel this way. Hopefully you have room in your daycare ratios to keep her home without having to end care of one of your other daycare children, but when it comes to your child's safety, you figure something out.

For what it's worth, I don't think the cupcake incident is probably as big of deal as you think it is. My guess is that she may be a little harder to handle or is acting up and the daycare is taking away privelege as a consequence. These consequences are coming off as punishment that you don't find acceptable, which is not unusual as you are also a daycare provider and probably do things a bit differently than they do. Your daughter may even be acting up since she has to leave home and go to a daycare versus getting to stay home at your day care. At her age I'm sure she's well aware of the situation. And sometimes they act out because of it, so it's a possibility.

All that aside, if you don't trust them and you fear for your daughter then don't send her for one more day. Pay the money and move on.

[PhotogMum]

I always took things with a grain on salt at that age. 3year olds are notorious for fibbing/exaggerating. At that age my DS told us his JK teacher had a flame thrower. Oh, and real bricks that the good kids got to hit the bad kids on the head with... For some reason I didn't believe him!
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, is it really THAT big of a deal if she didn't get a cupcake? It's likely the staff had a reason IMHO

[daycarediva]

I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.

I sent my own child to a structured program/preschool at 3 and at that time I still took school aged kids. My kid needed what I was unable to provide. I think it's common for providers to do this.

I was not referring to open to close hours. I was referring to your typical pick up time. Do you typically pick up at 3:15? If so the parent may have been given the number of kids that typically are there for afternoon snack. That is what the director would have gone by, average meal counts for pm snack on her admin page, when asked for a number by a parent intending to bring cupcakes to any classroom.

Also I would have a high index of suspicion that the person who told her the cupcakes were for boys only was the birthday boy or his buddy. Might even have been referring to a specific color of cupcake if, say, she wanted blue instead of green then refused the green one. Maybe the parent sent blue bugs for boys, green butterflys for girls? Sounds pretty familiar for the 3-4 year old classroom.

all of this.

What other concerns have you had? you said this isn't the first time?

[MomBoss]

My mom did in home daycare and she sent me to a preschool for a couple hours a couple days a week. For the preschool program and to be around kids my own age and to get away from her (i was stuck to her hip shy). I also put my son in an evening preschool through the community center. It was 2 1/2 hours 2 days a week. Does your daughter need to be there everyday all day? My personal opinion is that she should go to an actual preschool vs just another daycare. It seems pointless otherwise..to me..nothing personal.
One of the reasons why I started inhome daycare is so that I can be with my kids. I honestly dont trust centers with everything Ive been hearing in the news. More and more centers are found abusing/neglecting kids.

[MelissaP]

I'm not understanding.

I guess I am not understanding what the "big" issue is here. I've been following this for a few days now to see if I am missing something.
You are concerned that your child didn't get a cupcake. I understand that it may feel like it's something pointed directly towards your daughter and then your daughters teachers are not telling you what happened exactly. It can be frustrating.
When working at a center, one of the things that are expected of you is to pull reasons out of your a@@ to make parents happy. I'm surprised that they didn't do this but instead said that they don't remember. Even in the instance that your daughter was sleeping in the corner. Maybe that's just where she fell asleep. My own kids fall asleep in random places also.
If you really feel like you don't trust your center, pull your daughter. It's not that hard.
I have worked in centers long enough to know that I will never place my child in one. There's a ton of things that go on behind the curtain that a parent never sees. I would personally never hire the people that I work with because those teachers, assistants and aids are all a liability. Most of them are there for the paycheck and treat the children like that are stupid, or like they are tiny adults. Nobody realizes that these kids we work with are just that.. kids. And that they make a mess and that if the mess isn't there at the end of the day.. what the heck were you doing all day. The person that I work with literally yells at the kids to clean up all day long but she can't manage to get up and help them clean up. Of course they don't clean up because you are just sitting there yelling at them. Things are unfair and if anyone has a favorite the rest of the kids get screwed by that person and honestly, I am guessing that is what happened with the cupcake but please don't hold me to that.

[MomBoss]

I guess I also would have said right away “Oh how come you dont have a cupcake?” Loud and intended for the teachers to hear. Why go home and ask later?

[Hunni Bee]

If a child does not eat the regular snack first here, I will not give them a sugar-filled treat on an empty stomach. I will pack it up to eat at home, though.

As many posters have said, your daughter said only boys got cupcakes but yet you saw boys and girls with cupcakes. You seem to still believe what your daughter said, despite your own observation to the contrary? :confused:

The teacher says she was offered one and refused. I have had many kids do that and then change their tune when the parent showed up. My own daughter is famous for that. You said she only got sad/upset after you asked her about it. Sounds like she started regretting her decision, then made up a story that made it someone else's fault.

As far as her sleeping off to herself, the goal of rest time is that they rest - something I'm sure you know as a provider. Some kids can rest in a large group, some others need to be off to themselves.

I think maybe you should stop expecting your daughter's daycare to be run like you run yours - it will not be and you will constantly be running into issues. I sent my daughter to public preschool after 4 years of being at the one I work at - it took me three months of taking issue with every little thing to understand that. :hug:

But of course, if you feel uneasy about leaving your daughter there, don't. Im assuming your daughter CAN be with you until you find one that is a good fit, so it's pretty simple.