What Do You Do If....

[Josiegirl]

a child has misbehaved and you want to talk with him, but he keeps running away from you. We were outside at the time and I wasn't about to chase him around the whole yard. He's almost 4 yo and going through some stuff at home, with dad being mostly absent from his life.

[e.j.]

Usually I say something like, "You have until the count of 3 to come over hear so I can speak with you." Then I stare at the kid with what my husband calls my "hairy eyeball". I've never had a kid not walk over to me right away. If that didn't do it, though, I would tell all of the kids it was time to go inside for lunch. (Our outside time is just before lunch so it would work for me.) Once inside, he wouldn't be able to run far. Depending on the situation, I'd speak with the kid and then discipline him, telling him he was being disciplined not for his prior actions but for running away from me.

[kendallina]

When a child first starts here, it's one thing that I work with them on. "Make sure when I say STOP, you STOP" (especially for walks). "When I tell you to come see me, you need to come see me. There is no choice about it." We practice this at the beginning of the year a few times so they just get used to coming to me when I talk to them.

I do not chase children unless someone is in immediate harm. If someone is running from me, I'll get them when I can (I have a fenced in yard) and they immediately go on the porch and sit down. I don't do time out at all, but for this, I will. I pull out my very serious voice. This is an issue that I will speak to parents about as well if needed. They very quickly learn that I'm serious.

[Josiegirl]

Sad thing is, this dcb was SOOO good when he first started coming here. He started my dc and half day preschool on the same day. Shortly after that, his dad's truck got repo'd so dcd now uses that as an excuse not to come pick him up at all.(even though his gf has a car) AFAIK dcb has only seen dcd 1x in the past few weeks, when dcd came to d/o a check to me. Dcd had the nerve to promise his ds all the things they were going to do that w/e together. Dcb never even saw dcd. And still hasn't. It's dcd's turn to pay me again this coming week and it'll take duct tape to keep my mouth shut.
But dcb is now acting out in ways that are desperate for attention. I feel so sad for what he must be feeling about his dad but cannot allow some of his behaviors to continue. Outside yesterday, all within 10 minutes, he pushed a 3 yo off our 'balance beam', onto the ground. That was when he took off running and wouldn't listen to me. I gave him the evil stare and told him to sit on the bench. NOW. He finally did. Then as we were lining up to go inside, I was undoing the gate, and he ran back to the end of my double stroller and shook it back and forth so hard, the little 4 mo's head was whipping back and forth. That is when I lost it and yelled at him.
I didn't get a chance to talk with dcm because g'ma picked up. I sent a note home and told g'ma dcm needs to read it. Besides everything dcm is going thru with dcd, she texted me yesterday that her older dss' dad was admitted under hospice yesterday. There is a huge amount going on in that family's life right now. And I'm not sure how best to help or address it.
I can tell he's a good kid but is going through so much.

[Cat Herder]

Is it possible the kid senses a change in you and is acting out likewise?

You can have empathy and still be the one place that stays consistent for him. :hug:

[daycarediva]

When a child first starts here, it's one thing that I work with them on. "Make sure when I say STOP, you STOP" (especially for walks). "When I tell you to come see me, you need to come see me. There is no choice about it." We practice this at the beginning of the year a few times so they just get used to coming to me when I talk to them.

I do not chase children unless someone is in immediate harm. If someone is running from me, I'll get them when I can (I have a fenced in yard) and they immediately go on the porch and sit down. I don't do time out at all, but for this, I will. I pull out my very serious voice. This is an issue that I will speak to parents about as well if needed. They very quickly learn that I'm serious.

SAME! I do this with my dogs, too. They need to come when called, EVERY TIME. It's a safety issue. You do NOT run from me when I am telling you to come here.

I had a parent at my old place tell me that she didn't want me to warn her child about the dangers of running in the road because it scared her. She was 4.5 and would run from her mother (and ME) every day. I refused to take her for a walk and made mom drop off later so the other kids were not punished.

Ya know what's even scarier than being told a car could hit you dcm? I CAR HITTING HER.

Sad thing is, this dcb was SOOO good when he first started coming here. He started my dc and half day preschool on the same day. Shortly after that, his dad's truck got repo'd so dcd now uses that as an excuse not to come pick him up at all.(even though his gf has a car) AFAIK dcb has only seen dcd 1x in the past few weeks, when dcd came to d/o a check to me. Dcd had the nerve to promise his ds all the things they were going to do that w/e together. Dcb never even saw dcd. And still hasn't. It's dcd's turn to pay me again this coming week and it'll take duct tape to keep my mouth shut.
But dcb is now acting out in ways that are desperate for attention. I feel so sad for what he must be feeling about his dad but cannot allow some of his behaviors to continue. Outside yesterday, all within 10 minutes, he pushed a 3 yo off our 'balance beam', onto the ground. That was when he took off running and wouldn't listen to me. I gave him the evil stare and told him to sit on the bench. NOW. He finally did. Then as we were lining up to go inside, I was undoing the gate, and he ran back to the end of my double stroller and shook it back and forth so hard, the little 4 mo's head was whipping back and forth. That is when I lost it and yelled at him.
I didn't get a chance to talk with dcm because g'ma picked up. I sent a note home and told g'ma dcm needs to read it. Besides everything dcm is going thru with dcd, she texted me yesterday that her older dss' dad was admitted under hospice yesterday. There is a huge amount going on in that family's life right now. And I'm not sure how best to help or address it.
I can tell he's a good kid but is going through so much.

YIKES!

Can you find some time during the day to spend with him 1:1? Even just asking him to bring you a book and cuddling with him in your lap for a bit. Regardless of why he's acting out- I would be on top of it like you are. It will only escalate if he's getting away with it.

Is it possible mom and grandma are allowing more because of what he's going through?