The Making of a "Security" Item

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Newly 1 yr old dck shows up this week a new item. DCM and DCD both raving about how cute it is that she "carries it everywhere and won't put it down". First day it was here, dcg dropped it about 2 seconds after arriving, I picked up and put it in her car seat where it remained until pick up when DCM gave it back. Repeat and repeat each morning. However this morning, DCM was still here when I put it away and commented "well you can just give it to her when she sleeps".

My policies allow for a security item during nap time. However, dcg has NO issues sleeping here (and it took some serious effort on MY part to get to this point). I have no intentions of giving this child this item during nap time, or well, ever (no outside toys rule). It has been within her line of sight all day today, and she hasn't once paid attention it.

I feel like dcps are "wanting" this to be a security item more than dcg actually needs a security item, if that makes sense. I also feel like there's no need to create this issue. Am I wrong here?

[Ariana]

This is so odd my first reaction is to wonder if there is a recording device inside of it or something.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

This is so odd my first reaction is to wonder if there is a recording device inside of it or something.

Oh heck!!!... said item just a full body search and is now hiding under some covers. ::

It actually has sentimental family value attached to it, and at the moment I think it's just cute for them. (Until they create this issue and it gets left at the park and they're searching for it at 3am.)

FWIW, I am not anti-security item... this just feels... forced.

[Blackcat31]

I think parents do this because it's the first sign of their child "growing" their own personality. kwim?

I don't think parents see the issue they are creating. They only see the *cute little habit* their child has developed.

In hindsight, I see how I was probably guilty of this same thing.

[Mom2Two]

It actually has sentimental family value attached to it, and at the moment I think it's just cute for them. (Until they create this issue and it gets left at the park and they're searching for it at 3am.)

:: Just visualizing that is funny! It would so serve them right!

Yeah, not cute at daycare...especially if it's getting mouthed. And stuff disappears at daycare. Sometimes things get shoved under a sofa or whatever. If they value it so much, it's better to keep it safe.

I'm one that puts items from home in the backpack "so that it doesn't get broken or lost" and "so that other kids don't want one too." Unless it's a blankie then I allow it at nap time.

My new 14th old dcb has a funny habit though...he seems attached to sippy cups. He doesn't just drink out of them, he hugs on them...a lot. Weird.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I agree with BC that it probably starts as something cute at first and is perpetuated until it is a necessity. I bet it also starts as a security item for the parents too. They can't little johnny to go to bed or get in his car seat, so they find an item that satisfies the kid and then uses it every time until it becomes a case of "little Johnny won't get in his car seat without Mr. Snuggles". That being said, I do find that many children naturally pick a favorite blanket or stuffed animal that they keep with them always and when seeing the item years later, they have very strong memories or emotions concerning that item. It makes you think about the importance some objects can have on our mental health and stay with us through a lifetime.

[storybookending]

I have 6 kids. 2 come with blankets as a security item, they come in the door and the first thing they do is put them on their beds. After nap I let them cuddle with them if they want, but they must stay on the couch and if they want to go play they give them to me. At snack they go away tucked in the counter until pick up.

The 3 year old doesn’t always have a same blanket, it switches between 5-6 blankets. One time she told mom she didn’t want to bring it because “other 3 year old” doesn’t have one. Mom snuck it in worried she wouldn’t be okay come nap time. I didn’t get it out of the shoe cubby. She didn’t even ask. Most days she throws it on the floor next to her bed before falling asleep.

The second child is my niece. I remember my SIL trying to push a different blanket on her at a younger age but she always always always sought out her favorite one. She wets through at night A LOT on those days she will come in with a blanket of the same material, just a different design.

My newest child came in on the first day at 2 years old with a stuffed toy, I told mom no toys from home and mom was insistent she NEEDED it. She put it in her bag in the shoe cubby along with her nuks (the children cannot access this area themselves). I never got out either “security” item but was willing to bring out the nuk if she cried or asked for it, some kids just need them esp in a new environment but I wanted to first see how she did without it. She did great. Mom continued to bring the bag for about a week and asked daily if I needed to use them. They ended up putting her to bed one night without it and said to her she didn’t need it at home if she didn’t need it at daycare. She said okay and went to sleep. Hasn’t used it since. The stuffed cat also never leaves the house now. Mom mentioned that maybe it was them enabling and encouraging the behavior because she’s fine without it. It happens!

[AmyKidsCo]

As a parent I tried to pick a "lovie" for my kids - something small, washable, replaceable, etc. But they always attached so something of their own choosing, usually something big and/or not replaceable.

After 6 kids and 4 grandkids we finally got smart and when the youngest grandchild showed signs of attaching to a particular blanket we scoured Ebay and bought 4 of them. One for home, one for daycare (aka my house), one for the other grandma's, and Daddy has one hidden as backup.

[Ariana]

Oh heck!!!... said item just a full body search and is now hiding under some covers. ::

It actually has sentimental family value attached to it, and at the moment I think it's just cute for them. (Until they create this issue and it gets left at the park and they're searching for it at 3am.)

FWIW, I am not anti-security item... this just feels... forced.

It's just so weird! As a parent I don't get it ::

[daycarediva]

my oldest 3 did NOT have lovies or need security items.

My youngest was crazy attached to a small blanket and a stuffed Pooh. We had three. I limited them to his bed or the couch. He eventually outgrew them. I internally cringed when I realized what was happening, though. We called him Linus. ::

I have a 3.5yo dcg now that is SERIOUSLY attached to her blanket. It borders on unhealthy, because she will sit ALL DAY in the cozy spot just to be able to have it. No way are the parents taking it away anytime soon, either.

[Ariana]

my oldest 3 did NOT have lovies or need security items.

My youngest was crazy attached to a small blanket and a stuffed Pooh. We had three. I limited them to his bed or the couch. He eventually outgrew them. I internally cringed when I realized what was happening, though. We called him Linus. ::

I have a 3.5yo dcg now that is SERIOUSLY attached to her blanket. It borders on unhealthy, because she will sit ALL DAY in the cozy spot just to be able to have it. No way are the parents taking it away anytime soon, either.

My kids all had security items and as a parent it drove me insane! Especially when we accidentally lost one in the Toronto airport and it could not be replaced because they stopped selling the doll .

I would prefer my kids to not need them so OPs parent is really odd to me. It is so much easier without that attachment!

[Jupadia]

My first had no one thing he loved but had an affinity for soft toys. But he did become attached to a small movie dog he had in is room around the age of 2.5. It was when I was pregnant and had spent an couple nights in the hospital die to a scare. Now he sleeps with it at night and we had to go to the seamterst at the drycleners (or soft toy hospital) to get him fixed. Now I can't find a backup cause it's not made anymore.
My second became attached to a pooh movie my first got for the new baby. But I was able to get z backup off e bay. But he only uses it when going to bed. I do have one up stairs and one downstairs so they get equal use.

[Ariana]

Yes I should add that my kids only had their “lovies” for bed, never had them any other time.

[Miss A]

My 1 year old DS is a blankie and paci baby. He has been since day one. Something about rubbing a certain type of blankie on his cheek always calmed him down. He doesn't care what the pattern is, it just has to feel a certain way.

But, I can't say anything because I was a blankie baby. I had mine until I moved in with my fiancee and he asked me to put it away.

[Buttercup]

When my niece was 3 she forgot her beloved teddy bear when we were going out to eat, so she screamed her HEAD OFF the entire car ride there. I believe someone ended up going back home with her to get it. She seriously screamed like she was being murdered!! I decided right then and there that any future children of mine would NOT be encouraged to carry around some toy because it's "cute." I totally agree that parents can cause it!! (Also, I'll be the mean daycare lady who doesn't allow toys from home )