Taking Away The Blankie

[midaycare]

Do you tell parents that you take the blanket or security item away from the child?

I don't know...I understand where you are all coming from but the first thing I learned in regards to social-emotional development is that allowing a child to form and keep an attachment to something that provides security to them in unfamiliar places actually helps promote secure attachment to others in life and actually helps them become more independent.

Dr Sears says some of the most secure children he's ever seen are those who are not weaned from any object or person of attachment before their time.

I totally understand not wanting them to drag it all over the place but I don't understand with holding something from them that meets a foundational need.

What comfort is offered in place of the blanket?

What is being done/said to help the child understands why they cannot have their security blanket?

Does the child understand why they can't have their security item?

Obviously we all do what works for us but sometimes there are things we should try to understand verses just outright denying.

fwiw~ none of my comments are directed at anyone in particular so please don't take offense. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this and I guess this this is just one of those "sore spots" or "hot topic" issues for me. As a child that had a security blanket and a parent of a child that required a security blanket... I just don't understand :confused:

I have always allowed security items, with the understanding it may get destroyed here.

Her parent's actually did not want her to bring a blankie and I suggested it because of her attachment to her coat and shoes, which were getting wrecked by being dragged around.

I've seen attachments and have had children dropped off with 2 pacis and a blanket. No problem. This though is unhealthy. It's not helping her, it's hindering her because all she can focus on is the blankie.

I would go as far to say it's not causing security but making her more upset as she's constantly standing by the door, shrouded in her blanket, crying for home. I had less issues pre-blanket.

[Blackcat31]

I am not offended, so I'll bite. ::

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day. ::

I don't allow anything to be brought back and forth. Parents bring a blanket that stays here. period.
Paci's new in the package (2) are required if a child has one. Again, left here.

So no items from home.

But familiar items belonging to the child for security.

I have always allowed security items, with the understanding it may get destroyed here.

Her parent's actually did not want her to bring a blankie and I suggested it because of her attachment to her coat and shoes, which were getting wrecked by being dragged around.

I've seen attachments and have had children dropped off with 2 pacis and a blanket. No problem. This though is unhealthy. It's not helping her, it's hindering her because all she can focus on is the blankie.

I would go as far to say it's not causing security but making her more upset as she's constantly standing by the door, shrouded in her blanket, crying for home. I had less issues pre-blanket.

How long has she been in care?

I really do understand (I have little to zero tolerance for crying/screaming kids) but like I said previously I think I'd work towards getting her to remain in one spot with her blanket if she wants it. If she wont stay in that spot, she can leave but her blanket stays. That way it's HER choice to use her security item or not.

As for the filth....like I said above I require one freshly laundered blanket to be brought to care and left. Can.Not. go home again.

[midaycare]

I don't allow anything to be brought back and forth. Parents bring a blanket that stays here. period.
Paci's new in the package (2) are required if a child has one. Again, left here.

So no items from home.

But familiar items belonging to the child for security.



How long has she been in care?

I really do understand (I have little to zero tolerance for crying/screaming kids) but like I said previously I think I'd work towards getting her to remain in one spot with her blanket if she wants it. If she wont stay in that spot, she can leave but her blanket stays. That way it's HER choice to use her security item or not.

As for the filth....like I said above I require one freshly laundered blanket to be brought to care and left. Can.Not. go home again.

This is week #3. First week was Labor Day week, so 4 days. So that makes today day #11.

I think she would stayin the spot all day long with blankie. She's a tough cookie and parents give in so they don't have to deal with her. Would you let her stay there all day?

[Blackcat31]

This is week #3. First week was Labor Day week, so 4 days. So that makes today day #11.

I think she would stayin the spot all day long with blankie. She's a tough cookie and parents give in so they don't have to deal with her. Would you let her stay there all day?

Yep. Because I am not making her. She is choosing to.

Once kids feel secure or comfortable they do begin moving farther and farther away from their safe/secure space.

In all my years as a provider I've never have a kid sit in one spot for more than a few weeks.... My own child was THE most stubborn kid I've ever met. He would help me throw his own toys in the garbage before he'd willingly help pick them up so I completely understand strong willed. I really really do.

But yes, I would continually invite her to participate and would coax her out of the spot for lunch and snack (allowing her to retreat if she chooses to...just once though.. no going back and forth from security spot to lunch chair) but I would absolutely allow her to stay and sit there with her blanket as long as she wants to.

If she were 4 or 5 yrs old, I'd feel differently for sure but she's still pretty young and doesn't fully understand yet...she simply feels like a foreigner in a foreign country without anything that reminds her of home ie comfort.

She needs that secure base to feel comfortable and self confident enough to begin exploring the new world she has been thrust into.

I am so not trying to tell you what to do. We all need to do what we all need to do but from a parent of a stubborn child (that was highly attached to a security item until age 3) I am just sharing another perspective.

If the blanket filth and the constant crying for mom/dad continues or are more than you care to deal with, she just might not be the right fit for daycare. I know my kid was not. Hence, my current career.

[Josiegirl]

I'm with BC on this one. My ds had a security blanket for a few years.
I did have to make the rule they could only use their blankets while they were sitting on the couch though because watching blankets get dragged all over the house, then left someplace for other to trip on, etc. got really old very quickly. I like the idea of them bringing 1 clean blanket and leaving it at dc.
My sweet dcg who just left last month for Kindergarten has always had a blanket. Heck, some days she brought 3. But mostly they stayed in her cubby til nap time.
I try to keep pacifiers in the cubby too until nap time because it felt like they were always being lost or dropped on the floor. Yuck. And one of my dogs thought they were an incredibly tasty chewy toy.

As for standing by the door crying for mom, she's only been there for 3 weeks. Some kids adjust faster than others but eventually she'll learn. Have her draw a picture for mom while she waits for her. My sweet K dcg's sister came this past summer and she had a rough few weeks in the beginning, finally about 5 weeks into the summer she was happily waving bye bye to mom, and playing with the kids. She was 18 mo.

[midaycare]

Yep. Because I am not making her. She is choosing to.

Once kids feel secure or comfortable they do begin moving farther and farther away from their safe/secure space.

In all my years as a provider I've never have a kid sit in one spot for more than a few weeks.... My own child was THE most stubborn kid I've ever met. He would help me throw his own toys in the garbage before he'd willingly help pick them up so I completely understand strong willed. I really really do.

But yes, I would continually invite her to participate and would coax her out of the spot for lunch and snack (allowing her to retreat if she chooses to...just once though.. no going back and forth from security spot to lunch chair) but I would absolutely allow her to stay and sit there with her blanket as long as she wants to.

If she were 4 or 5 yrs old, I'd feel differently for sure but she's still pretty young and doesn't fully understand yet...she simply feels like a foreigner in a foreign country without anything that reminds her of home ie comfort.

She needs that secure base to feel comfortable and self confident enough to begin exploring the new world she has been thrust into.

I am so not trying to tell you what to do. We all need to do what we all need to do but from a parent of a stubborn child (that was highly attached to a security item until age 3) I am just sharing another perspective.

If the blanket filth and the constant crying for mom/dad continues or are more than you care to deal with, she just might not be the right fit for daycare. I know my kid was not. Hence, my current career.

I think she will adjust. The whining and crying doesn't bother me, just the blanket obsession because it's such a crutch. And again, I've had many kids who have had many security items, but this just seems odd to me.

The filth is just gross, yuck I'm not the most obsessed person re: cleaning to begin with so if it bothers me, you know it's dirty.

I just want her to have a smoother transition, but like I said with some info I posted above, I don't know that she will ever really fully adjust, much like one of my first dcgs I had. When their little lives are always so full of change, then they never quite get comfortable.

[Ariana]

I have a child with huge anxiety issues. He comes into care with two "babies" and a blanket. The babies are just heads on a piece of fabric. They are gross and disgusting and even when I have laundered them they do not come completely clean. They are blue so I can't soak them in bleach. His sisters "baby" is light pink so I bleached it! Anyway they go on his bed and he can go and cuddle them any time he wants but they cannot leave his bed. After a few weeks he now throws them on his bed and thats it. He is not attached anymore because I slowly broke that attachment and he realized he is ok without it.

I agree with BC that security items are important but boundaries need to be set. Not having boundaries creates much more anxiety.

[daycarediva]

I allow copies of lovies to remain here. I had one incredibly anxious child in care who just KNEW it was not the original. If the parents washed it daily, I allowed it.

They can have them as much as they want- in the cozy area.

I had a Linus kid, and I understand the attachment to comfort objects. He's 10 now, and his blankie is still in his bed. It's hidden in a dresser drawer for sleep overs, but I won't take it away from him.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-guest-room/201407/more-just-teddy-bears

[storybookending]

I allow copies of lovies to remain here. I had one incredibly anxious child in care who just KNEW it was not the original. If the parents washed it daily, I allowed it.

They can have them as much as they want- in the cozy area.

I had a Linus kid, and I understand the attachment to comfort objects. He's 10 now, and his blankie is still in his bed. It's hidden in a dresser drawer for sleep overs, but I won't take it away from him.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...st-teddy-bears

I have nothing to contribute to this thread that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to add that my sister also had a blanket she was attached to. It actually ended up in rags and she moved on to a quilt in its place somewhere around age 9 that now at age 24 is in rough shape. I don't believe she took it to college with her, although she might have but I know for sure she left the stuffed clown she was attached to at home. She's back home with my parents now working full time and attending grad school. Sometimes I'll go over there and that quilt, also now in two pieces, will be up in the living room with her.

My baby blanket is currently in my attic. It's always joked that mine is in perfect shape and then hers is in scraps. I never got attached to mine, some kids just do.