Taking Away The Blankie

[midaycare]

I have a new dcg, just turned 2. She is super focused on comforting items. This is her 3rd week. She carries the grossest blanket with her everywhere, along with her shoes, 2 fingers constantly in her mouth to ****, and when upset, one hand in the butt section of her diaper.

I've never taken away a "lovey" before, but she is way too attached. It's getting in the way of her enjoying her time here.

Dcg is...super stubborn I was warned and the warnings were spot on. I think she'll be great though. I just need help breaking a few habits.

1) The blanket and the shoes. I took them away 30 minutes ago and screaming has been occurring ever since. I just rinse and repeat that she can have it at naptime and largely ignore. Any other advice?

2) She often chooses to stand in front of the door for long periods of time, saying or crying for her Dad or Mom. If we are outdoors, she will stand by the gate. This doesn't surprise me. She's a teachers' kid and they pull her out each summer, and she's attended a different daycare each year, poor thing. I largely ignore and let her participate when she's ready. Any other advice?

[Cat Herder]

1. A washcloth (or playsilk). Let her pick one each morning and toss it the laundry, herself, as she leaves. It will be easier to give up and allow a transition.

2. Time, distraction and patience; like everything else.

You got this.

[Blackcat31]

I would insist mom remove her shoes before passing her off to you. I would not engage in that issue. If you have a rule of no shoes in the house, then DCM must adhere to this rule and support her child in learning this.

As for the blanket....I would never remove a comfort or security item from a child. No matter how old they are.
I would however set some boundaries.

Blanket in quiet spot ONLY.
YOU dictate where that spot it.
SHE decides how long she chooses to sit there with it
Blanket STAYS in quiet spot when she chooses to get up.


I would not allow her to stand at the gate and cry for her parents.

Also if the blanket is really gross I'd insist mom launder before returning or even consider a no back and forth rule for blankets (bed bugs, lice, scabies, germs etc..) and launder it yourself when needed.

[midaycare]

I would insist mom remove her shoes before passing her off to you. I would not engage in that issue. If you have a rule of no shoes in the house, then DCM must adhere to this rule and support her child in learning this.

As for the blanket....I would never remove a comfort or security item from a child. No matter how old they are.
I would however set some boundaries.

Blanket in quiet spot ONLY.
YOU dictate where that spot it.
SHE decides how long she chooses to sit there with it
Blanket STAYS in quiet spot when she chooses to get up.


I would not allow her to stand at the gate and cry for her parents.

Also if the blanket is really gross I'd insist mom launder before returning or even consider a no back and forth rule for blankets (bed bugs, lice, scabies, germs etc..) and launder it yourself when needed.

I feel if I were to try to enforce a blankie spot/comfort spot, I would be engaging in a struggle all day. She is super strong willed and would fight me on this.

The reason for taking away this comfort item is her intense focus on it. It seems unhealthy.

[Cat Herder]

Do you have a policy on items from home? I do for this reason. Here, the blanket would stay in car and be the parents issue to solve.

[Blackcat31]

I feel if I were to try to enforce a blankie spot/comfort spot, I would be engaging in a struggle all day. She is super strong willed and would fight me on this.

The reason for taking away this comfort item is her intense focus on it. It seems unhealthy.

But setting boundaries IS healthy.
Especially for the string willed child.

I understand her fighting you on this but it's setting a limit for HER own good.

I'd dust my gloves off and focus on the fact that YOU are the adult and she is the child.....I am guessing that when it comes down to who will win; I'm putting my money on you!

[Max]

I have this exact two-year-old. I take the blanket and stuffed lovie away when it causes issues with other children. For ex, DCG leaves it lying around, another child picks up, DCG snatches it away and/or cries that someone else has it.

When she cries and goes on and on at the door - I tried a few things to see what works best. Sometimes offering comfort and a hug works well, other times I have to be stern and tell her we're not going to go on and on with this fit. I'll ask if she wants to lay down for a bit so she can calm down. She gives me a death stare but that usually works to stop the crying and screaming.

[midaycare]

I have this exact two-year-old. I take the blanket and stuffed lovie away when it causes issues with other children. For ex, DCG leaves it lying around, another child picks up, DCG snatches it away and/or cries that someone else has it.

When she cries and goes on and on at the door - I tried a few things to see what works best. Sometimes offering comfort and a hug works well, other times I have to be stern and tell her we're not going to go on and on with this fit. I'll ask if she wants to lay down for a bit so she can calm down. She gives me a death stare but that usually works to stop the crying and screaming.

I think we are living in parallel universes with the same kid. I do the exact same thing. I hug sometimes and sometimes I'm stern, depending on the situation.

When I first opened daycare, I also had a dcg like this, and it got a little better but never fully went away. I think the parents thought dcg would be happier elsewhere, but when they pulled her out after a year, she had such a bad reaction to the new place that she only lasted a little less than two weeks. They had to end up working from home, quitting their current jobs - and they did not have the money for this.

As an interesting sidenote...both girls have experienced a lot of change and have parents that are constantly changing things in their lives. Such as my current dcg, who gets a new daycare every year, and her parents are always moving and selling things. It's very chaotic. House is on the market. Dad wants to move to Florida. Boat is on the market. Time for a new boat. Nope, never mind. Time to build a house. Nope, let's buy a house. Take the house off the market. Sell the car. Buy a car. New job. I mean, nothing is ever just "settled".

The other dcg when I first started had a similar life. Parents moved every 6-12 months, changed jobs often, bought and sold things all the time. Nothing was ever permanent.

As another side note...we moved around when our ds was little. All that moving is not easy on a kid. When we made our big moves (cross country), I made sure to stay home until he was settled. One of the moves I didn't work at all. Another move I took a serious pay cut and became a church secretary making half of what I could so that I could be in the same building as his preschool. He still was affected negatively. You do what you have to as a parent, and yes, kids will adjust eventually. A lot of the stuff I mentioned above with my current and former dcg's is just unnecessary crap though.

[midaycare]

But setting boundaries IS healthy.
Especially for the string willed child.

I understand her fighting you on this but it's setting a limit for HER own good.

I'd dust my gloves off and focus on the fact that YOU are the adult and she is the child.....I am guessing that when it comes down to who will win; I'm putting my money on you!

Don't bet more than you can lose. My ears can only take so much screeching

[hwichlaz]

I'd take a bit of time getting it away from a new child. kids that have been here since the start are used to my "blankets are for naptime" policy.

I might start telling her she can have her blanket if she goes to lay down with it. When she refuses, then put it up out of reach. After she's calmed down and asks for it again, make the same offer. Rinse repeat.

[midaycare]

I'd take a bit of time getting it away from a new child. kids that have been here since the start are used to my "blankets are for naptime" policy.

I might start telling her she can have her blanket if she goes to lay down with it. When she refuses, then put it up out of reach. After she's calmed down and asks for it again, make the same offer. Rinse repeat.

That's not a bad middle ground.

[Blackcat31]

Do you tell parents that you take the blanket or security item away from the child?

I don't know...I understand where you are all coming from but the first thing I learned in regards to social-emotional development is that allowing a child to form and keep an attachment to something that provides security to them in unfamiliar places actually helps promote secure attachment to others in life and actually helps them become more independent.

Dr Sears says some of the most secure children he's ever seen are those who are not weaned from any object or person of attachment before their time.

I totally understand not wanting them to drag it all over the place but I don't understand with holding something from them that meets a foundational need.

What comfort is offered in place of the blanket?

What is being done/said to help the child understands why they cannot have their security blanket?

Does the child understand why they can't have their security item?

Obviously we all do what works for us but sometimes there are things we should try to understand verses just outright denying.

fwiw~ none of my comments are directed at anyone in particular so please don't take offense. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this and I guess this this is just one of those "sore spots" or "hot topic" issues for me. As a child that had a security blanket and a parent of a child that required a security blanket... I just don't understand :confused:

[hwichlaz]

My reason for not allowing a comfort item is that I've never had it stay safe. The child eventually reaches a point where they are so protective of it that they start hitting other children that touch it.

[Cat Herder]

I am not offended, so I'll bite. ::

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day. ::

[Snowmom]

I am not offended, so I'll bite. ::

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day. ::

^^ That's my thought process too.

Anything brought from home will stay here. In their designated space.