8 Month Old Still Not Napping Well

[trytobearunner34]

So we are on day 8 with an 8 month old who is struggling to nap. His parents/previous nanny all rocked him to sleep for naps and bedtime (smh!). He cries hard for 15- 30 minutes and either falls asleep for 20-30 minutes or after 30 minutes I abort mission and we try again an hour later.

To this point we have tried: paci, lovey, blanket with parent scent, pack n play, my daughter's crib, no noise, sound machine, and baby einstein soother. We have tried different times within an hour of the naps he was taking at home. We have tried bottle before nap. We have tried books, lullabies, and rocking prior to being laid down. We have tried my daughter's black out curtains, sunlight, and a moderate version of the two. I always change just one variable between naps so it's familiar and I would be able to see what the best combo is. To this point nothing has yielded less than 15 minutes of full on crying or a nap that lasts longer than 30 minutes.

There have been three occasions where he has fallen asleep without crying: once in the stroller and twice he fell asleep on me. was one time he got a 45 minute nap (he fell asleep in the stroller on a walk). And the two times he

He is fussy prior to napping, a beast when trying to go to sleep, and fussy again when he is tired again. His mom commented yesterday that she is surprised with how he is not melting down in the evening given his lack of sleep during the day.

Well, he gets home around 4:45-5:00, nurses, eats dinner, is with his family and goes to bed between 7/7:30. So it makes sense to me that he can keep it together for that amount of time given all of the comforts that take place during this time. He is here for about 7-8 hours much harder to keep it together for that long.

Long story, long, at what point would you consider terminating this kiddo? I am new to this so I might be jumping the gun, but I am not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel...

[Blackcat31]

So we are on day 8 with an 8 month old who is struggling to nap. His parents/previous nanny all rocked him to sleep for naps and bedtime (smh!). He cries hard for 15- 30 minutes and either falls asleep for 20-30 minutes or after 30 minutes I abort mission and we try again an hour later.

To this point we have tried: paci, lovey, blanket with parent scent, pack n play, my daughter's crib, no noise, sound machine, and baby einstein soother. We have tried different times within an hour of the naps he was taking at home. We have tried bottle before nap. We have tried books, lullabies, and rocking prior to being laid down. We have tried my daughter's black out curtains, sunlight, and a moderate version of the two. I always change just one variable between naps so it's familiar and I would be able to see what the best combo is. To this point nothing has yielded less than 15 minutes of full on crying or a nap that lasts longer than 30 minutes.

There have been three occasions where he has fallen asleep without crying: once in the stroller and twice he fell asleep on me. was one time he got a 45 minute nap (he fell asleep in the stroller on a walk). And the two times he

He is fussy prior to napping, a beast when trying to go to sleep, and fussy again when he is tired again. His mom commented yesterday that she is surprised with how he is not melting down in the evening given his lack of sleep during the day.

Well, he gets home around 4:45-5:00, nurses, eats dinner, is with his family and goes to bed between 7/7:30. So it makes sense to me that he can keep it together for that amount of time given all of the comforts that take place during this time. He is here for about 7-8 hours much harder to keep it together for that long.

Long story, long, at what point would you consider terminating this kiddo? I am new to this so I might be jumping the gun, but I am not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel...

Do you know if the parents are actually doing something at home to help transition this little guy?

If they are just continuing to do what they've always done (rock/hold him to sleep) then you are more than likely never going to get him to be different at daycare.

I would be open and honest with the parent and let them know he may not make it through the trial period (hoping you have one...) That comment usually sparks parents to do something to help their child transition into care. If not, how selfish of the parents to not teach the skills their child needs to thrive in care.

If my instincts tell me things are getting better and I take the time to vent about it, I know it's probably time to say "not a good fit. Bye-bye!'

****s sometimes but I learned a loooong time ago that I am not paid enough to endure someone else's lack of parenting. If a child is too much stress for me (or the others) I just can't.

[Rockgirl]

I have one who was VERY tough to deal with at nap. Especially around that age. I considered terming more than once, and I don't think anyone here would think less of you if you did term. It's a stressful situation!

What ended up working with her was for me to do exactly the same thing every single day: Semi-dark room, white noise machine, and not going to get her when she woke up crying. In the beginning, she would wake up after 30-45 minutes. It took time, but now she's a solid napper--at least two hours every afternoon.

[Leigh]

I have a 9 month old who has been here since 6 weeks. Always a perfect baby. Happy, easy, great napper, EXCEPT when he is working on learning a new skill. When he learned to sit, to crawl, to stand (and now is working on walking) he just quit napping! It was terrible-he'd be so tired, sleep for 10 minutes, then scream. What has worked for me now that he's working on walking is keeping him awake until naptime for the older kids and then putting him down. He's getting so tired that he's sleeping 2-3 hours, rather than the 30 minutes we've been getting out of him (total for the day!). I hate skipping naps at this age, because I feel they are VERY important for them, but this is the only way we've been able to get him that deep sleep that he needs. Once he starts walking, we'll go back to 2 naps a day here and one at home.

[trytobearunner34]

@blackcat31 So much to learn...Adding the trial period to my contract ASAP. I believe they let him cry it out for his nap last Saturday. I mentioned the possibility of sleep training at night as it is what we are doing to help our daughter fall asleep on her own, but I believe it fell on deaf ears.

If nothing improves by next Wednesday, I am going to send them an email formalizing my concerns letting them know that if there is not improvement in two weeks we will begin the termination process (which IS in my contract).

@Rockgirl I agree I have got to stop making tweaks. We have a very viable set up right now and I am going to stick to it. If he doesn't fall asleep within 30 minutes I will get him up. I would let him cry when he wakes up early, but with all the crying he does before going to sleep it is more crying than the other babies and I can take (he is sooo loud!).

@Leigh Interesting point. He did not nap this morning. I put him down for his 2:00 nap and he woke up after 10 minutes. He may have some developmental stuff going on, but I don't know if I can handle the stress of waiting to find out!

I do know I am no longer bending over backwards trying to make sure this baby sleeps. It is my job to provide as conducive and caring environment as possible, but it is not my job to parent or sleep train.

Thank you ladies for your wisdom and for listening!

[Rockgirl]

I think that's a good plan. And either way, it's a light at the end of the tunnel for you: baby improves, or moves on.

[Mom2Two]

If nothing improves by next Wednesday, I am going to send them an email formalizing my concerns letting them know that if there is not improvement in two weeks we will begin the termination process

I do know I am no longer bending over backwards trying to make sure this baby sleeps. It is my job to provide as conducive and caring environment as possible, but it is not my job to parent or sleep train.

Thank you ladies for your wisdom and for listening!

But really, it's not likely that anything will improve by Wednesday. Maybe start drafting your email now. Sometimes the weekend is a god time to send hard news.

[KiddieCahoots]

Noticed that you mentioned that mom breast feeds before sleep. How is his adjustment to bottles?
If this is an added cost to his non sleep, then term may definitely be in the works, unless the parents can get on-board. This is not something we can accommodate.

[trytobearunner34]

@Rockgirl--Excellent point..it's helping me get through the week!

@Mom2two--Another excellent point; however, we ended up talking on Monday at pick up and if things do not improve by Friday we are moving forward with termination.

@KiddieCahoots--He actually is good with the bottle and eating in general. However, he has fallen asleep in the high chair during lunch the last two days and when I try to transfer him to the crib or even a mat on the floor next to the high chair it is a no go!

We are now on day 3 of no nap period. Right now he is laying on a couch cushion on the floor next to me as he was literally falling over as he was cuddling next to me. He did this yesterday and slept for 10 minutes.

He is evidently sleeping well at home, but if I were his parents I would be pretty anxious about the lack of sleep he is getting during the day. The mom does apologize, but I also hope she is searching other viable options!

Thanks again to all for your support!

[Ariana]

Are you going to sleep train him? Put him in his bed and check on him every 15 minutes. No talking or touching just make sure he is ok. He stays there until nap time is over. I have only had one family come to me with already sleep trained kids. Everyone else I had to sleep train and they only seem to sleep well at my house. It is a "no go" because you are reacting to his crying. He is doing this at home too trust me. Parents lie all the time!

[trytobearunner34]

@Ariana I did attempt to nap train him the first 5 days but made virtually no headway (checking in every 15 minutes, though I did attempt to sooth with words, doing this for 30 minutes to an hour before aborting mission and trying again an hour or so later). He would usually sleep about 20-30 minutes on the second attempt. The amount of effort, crying and stress was unbearable for me given the fact I am also caring for a 2 month old and my 4 month old daughter.

The last 5 days I have placed him in the crib at the nap times his family uses and let him cry for 30 minutes without physically checking back in (I use a video monitor) during which time he cries for the entire duration.

This experience has allowed me to draw the conclusion that while I can certainly help make this environment as conducive as possible to napping, I am not taking on the responsibility for any kind of actual sleep training for anyone but my own children!

Bless you for taking on that responsibility for each of the babies with whom you work and providing them with solid day time sleep!

[Ariana]

I completely understand not wanting to sleep train trust me! I started doing it out of necessity because otherwise I would have to term everyone

I see my role with sleep training as helping children learn a new skill, falling asleep on their own, and I am the only one willing to do it. I sleep trained my own two kids and they benefitted sooooo much from it!

If you do want advice on sleep training, the reason he was not trained at your house in 5 days is because you kept taking him out while he was crying. In those 5 days he learned that crying for a prolonged time gets me up eventually. I had an infant cry for over an hour because that was the time mark the parents would abort nap . At my house he would cry for an hour and 10 minutes....then fall asleep. By the time he left he was falling asleep in under 15 minutes.

Anyway totally up to you if you want to term and .i don't fault you for it, it can be stressful!

[Rockgirl]

I completely understand not wanting to sleep train trust me! I started doing it out of necessity because otherwise I would have to term everyone

I see my role with sleep training as helping children learn a new skill, falling asleep on their own, and I am the only one willing to do it. I sleep trained my own two kids and they benefitted sooooo much from it!

If you do want advice on sleep training, the reason he was not trained at your house in 5 days is because you kept taking him out while he was crying. In those 5 days he learned that crying for a prolonged time gets me up eventually. I had an infant cry for over an hour because that was the time mark the parents would abort nap . At my house he would cry for an hour and 10 minutes....then fall asleep. By the time he left he was falling asleep in under 15 minutes.

Anyway totally up to you if you want to term and .i don't fault you for it, it can be stressful!

Agree 100%!

[trytobearunner34]

@Ariana...that makes sense and is how we are sleep training our 4 month old. Though the longest she has cried is 15 minutes, so we got lucky!

[Ariana]

@Ariana...that makes sense and is how we are sleep training our 4 month old. Though the longest she has cried is 15 minutes, so we got lucky!

Thats because you haven't set up the bad habit of rescuing her when she is crying! The longest my own kids cried was 12 minutes! When you start early it is so much easier than after all the bad habits have been established.

This is why what these parents are saying is suspect to me. The behavior of the child tells me they are not good sleepers on their own at home. The two kids that were already sleep trained were happy in their beds, never woke crying and slept perfectly from day 1